How do you get out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2006
How do you get out?
5
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 8:44pm

How do you do it? How do you get out? I'm a strong person, have a profession I love and make good money at. I told my husband I just wanted to go (long history that led up to this of course). Now he says he'll fight me, take the kids, make me pay him thousands a month because he will quit and make me support him. I know that him taking the kids is not reality.. he has a pot problem and has never been a big part of their life... he doesn't attend school functions, conferences or anything. He's their taxi driver picks up from school, ignores them... and he thinks that is enough. He thinks I owe him. We have 3 kids and the mere threat he'd take them from me paralyzes me even though it is totally unrealistic. I don't know whether to leave first, contact a lawyer first, as contacing a lawyer will probably send him over the edge. I've said to him we can either work it out nicely or I'll see a lawyer. I'll let him keep the house, I'll move. I'll even pay him alimony if I had to.. I just want out. I can't believe how strongly I hate him right now. He won't do right for the kids. The kids are suffering because of this and because of him. What is my first step... I'm afraid to make him more mad..> I'm afraid of what he could do.. or will do. HELP!

Cath




Edited 3/13/2006 9:49 pm ET by wahmommie1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 6:52am

So I take it shoving him in front of a fast moving truck would be a bad idea??? LOL...

I think you should (without his knowledge) go to a lawyer and just have a consultation to learn your rights and the possibilities of the future. THEN, depending on that information, either move forward, stay or see a counselor to help you gather the strength to leave. Good luck. Why so many men behave this way is just baffling. I mean we have evolved...what happened to them?

Kimberly

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 7:10am

Hugs and weclome, Cath.


LOTS of men throw these threats around to try and scare us into staying. First of all, he can't just "take" the kids. No judge in the world is going to grant him sole custody just because he's angry. Second, if he were to leave his job voluntarily, he would get in serious trouble with the court if you filed for divorce. That was a trick people used to try in order to get out of paying child support, alimony, etc. What he's telling you isn't even close to reality.

Your first step? Go see a lawyer and ask questions. Your consultation will be totally confidential. Your H doesn't have to know anything until your actually file for divorce. Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 12:54pm
Cath, I know you are worried about losing you children, but it is doubtful that will happen. You will have to set a parenting plan. Which may be 50/50, 30/70 etc. You can't keep him from the children without proving the drug habit and that can be hard. Don't sell yourself short just because you want out. Take what's yours. In my state that is 50%. Be sure and get copies of your tax returns so you can prove what he makes now, because the courts won't just let him quit his job and live off you. Good Luck. Go find yourself a lawyer. It will help put your mind at ease. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2006
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 4:24pm

Cath, you need to get a good atty NOW ! If you live in CT I can recommend a fabulous one in Bridgeport. Please begin interviewing them. His anger with you concerns me- please do not go into this without excellent help. I went through the same thing. Write back here soon.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 03-15-2006 - 8:05am

Hey..... first off... our Community Website


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~