How do you get out of the black hole ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2007
How do you get out of the black hole ?
4
Tue, 11-06-2007 - 9:08pm

This is so hard to begin, but I really need help and have not much family support system or friendships I can rely on.


For 18yrs I have been married to an alcoholic (no i am not a saint) Like many others I felt that one day he would come to a bottom and straighten out. What was i thinking. It's so nice to be in denile. This past Jan he lost his job due to drinking and placed us in a very bad financial bind. Two years ago we decided to move away from the hustle and busle of city life and I now have a beautiful home on an acre of land out in the country. It was my lifelong dream. Then my husband tried to commit suicide and i had him committed to rehab. Things were going ok for a while. He found a new job and although money has been extreamly tight we were mananaging.


Untill.........he has now decided to start drinking again and after 18yrs of putting up with the emotional abuse and unhappiness i can no longer stay in this marriage. This is my second marriage and I swore to god and really REALLY took my vows seriously when i said them as far as thru sickness and health etc...


Don't even go there with Alanon...been there...done that. Don't get me wrong i loved it when i lived in Pgh because there were so many meetings and groups to attend, but out here in the middle of nowhere there are only 4 meeting places a week and they are all so far away from where i live!


MY husband is not arguing with me at all........in fact he agrees that this is the best thing to do...to separate.Because at least he is man enough to tell me that he will not quit drinking. He knows what this has done to me.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2007
Tue, 11-06-2007 - 10:30pm

I almost didn't respond because to be perfectly honest, I don't know what I would do in your situation and I certainly can't imagine what would be best for you.


So,

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 7:04am

Good Morning,


First of all get a good attorney and get all of your legal and financial paperwork in order.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Sat, 11-10-2007 - 2:09pm

yes terry is right be very careful with your husband being a drunk and all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Sat, 11-10-2007 - 5:21pm

I agree that you should consult an attorney with regards to your assets. You said that your husband agrees that separation is best but you didn't say what else you dicussed as far as how it would work. If he is in complete agreement then maybe you can work things out with him. Maybe you can pull equity out of the house and use that to start your life and leave the house with him. If, on the other hand, he will fight