How do you get past the past
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| Mon, 09-10-2007 - 10:04pm |
I am so hurt, I am so betrayed I am so tired of feeling like this. I have been lurking around her and I know several of you know exactly how I feel. I have been married for a long time and I really thought that I would be married forever. I have 3 beautiful children and would have stayed with their dad forever. As we go through this process I find more and more about his betrayal. Everytime he gets mad he spills a little more of what he has done. I am so hurt and I just want him to hurt as bad as I do. I know that I have got to forgive him to move on myself but how? We are not divorced yet and if he has anything to say about it he will drag it out. I dont know why he would want to do that he is the one with someone else but he will just to try and hurt me more.
Just keep me in your thoughts and I hope that this will be over soon
Thanks

As I was reading your post, I felt like I was reading my own.
"I know that I have got to forgive him to move on myself but how?"
While forgiveness is very healing it can't be forced. The fact is that you won't be able to forgive him until you can detach your emotional responses from his actions, something that will be really hard to do right now. The best thing you can do to start your healing is to spend as much time as possible focused on what you want for your future. Since it sounds like he sprang this on you, you were hardly prepared for such a change, but the sooner you can start focusing on your future and what you'd like from it the quicker you'll be able to leave your past behind.
You didn't ask for it but you are still getting an opportunity to refashion your life, even if you liked how it was before, you can still improve on it. Everytime you catch yourself wanting to dwell on some negative emotion or feeling take that energy and focus it on something positive you would like in your life for you and your children. This has worked for me in the past. It takes a conscious effort but frankly he doesn't sound like he's worth giving any more of your energy to, so give him as little as possible and give the rest to yourself.