How do you get proof?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
How do you get proof?
12
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 7:11pm

Hi all! I'm new to this board, but thought I would ask if any one had gone through this and had some advice.

I am going for sole custody of my 2 beautiful daughters (4.5 yrs and 19 months) and requesting supervised visitation because my husband is an alcoholic (even drove drunk with me and my daughters in the car) but never been caught, started taking drugs after I left him and has potentially been molesting my oldest daughter. There has also been emotional abuse (he's never hit me, but hit the wall and doors several times throughout our marriage and hit my mom), but we're not mentioning that as part of the divorce because the police were never called (no proof).

The problem I'm having is finding proof of the drugs and molestation. I called CPS about my daughter after my daughter disclosed that "daddy tickled her pee-pee", a couple other things and she started to exhibit sexual type behaviour that a 4 year old just shouldn't know. Unfortunately there is no physical evidence and stbx denies it, refuses to talk to the CPS detective or take the polygraph. Even got himself a lawyer the day after I told him about calling CPS, but didn't tell me about the lawyer until a month after I called CPS. I still don't know for sure that he did it, but based on what daughter is saying, it was him. Took her to a counselor, but her story about who did it changed while talking about it (if she would talk about it at all) so the counselor said that even though she believed something happened, daughter is too young to be able to give good evidence and there just wasn't enough proof about who or what. I'm taking her to a different counselor and so far she has refused to talk about it. I believe STBX is some how threatening her if she tells because she says "daddy says it's our little secret and I'm not supposed to tell you about it". I still can't believe my daughter had to go through anything like that...My only hope is that she is still young enough to not remember anything.

The drug use started earlier this year. He admitted to me that he was taking meth and/or cocaine, but I can't find any evidence. He's also very good at hiding it when he's drunk or high, so it's hard to tell when he is. But he hallucinates when he is high, so I usually can tell he is when he starts talking to other 'people'. He's usually in the house, so I don't have the opportunity to go in and do any searching.

My lawyer said that we can go for sole custody, but if it goes to court (if stbx contests it), I need to have proof of any of the above. I know that the level of proof is higher for criminal court, but how high is it for divorce court? And how do you find the proof?

He hasn't been served yet, so he doesn't know I'm going for sole custody and supervised visitation. I know that as soon as he finds out, he's going to go ballistic. But he will also get rid of any potential proof I can get.

Anyone have any advice?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Fri, 09-30-2005 - 5:06pm

Be very careful Valerie, the last time I checked, Arizona was part of the United States. Not only does every state have a statute on wire & electronic communications interception, but United States Code Title 18, Chapter 119 covers it thoroughly. You can not intercept voice without the knowledge of the party you are taping. It is a federal law as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 8:02pm

Thanks for the warning. I got my info from http://www.divorcesource.com/AZ/ARTICLES/wilcox4.html. Basically states "In summary, bugging/wiretapping is always illegal while tape recording is legal in Arizona as long as one party to the conversation is aware the conversation is being recorded. However, don't make assumptions about the law in other states -consult an attorney to determine what is allowed." Sounds like the federal law covers bugging/wiretapping. They also state that you cannot record two different parties (if you are not one of them), you have to be one of the parties talking.

What I'm doing is tape recording. This site has lots of other articles (select Divorce Articles from left menu then select your state). I'm not sure if recording is legal in any other states, but fortunately it is legal in Arizona. :)

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