How do you keep perspective...
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How do you keep perspective...
| Fri, 08-05-2005 - 6:27pm |
...and not become a bitter hag? I got phone call today from a mutual friend of ours. She warned me to change my voicemail password because he's been listening to my messages when he comes to pick up our son...AND he got me pregnant while he was sleeping with his current girlfriend whom he is now cheating on...AND the reason he's fighting me so hard for joint custody and maximum visitation is because he doesn't want to "pay thru the nose" (i.e. child support). Seriously- how do you be the bigger person when what you really want to do is tell him where to go and nail his butt to the wall any way you can?
Edited 8/7/2005 10:40 am ET ET by jrpierce8
Edited 8/7/2005 10:40 am ET ET by jrpierce8

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It seems that communication with him is what will be important. We're not there yet (we can't have a conversation without him cussing me out- I won't let him manipulate me anymore) but I hope to be in that place someday...soon. I need to find some trust for him and that's so hard to do; I know what he's capable of. And I stopped counting how many times during my pregnancy he told me he never wanted a baby. It's hard for me to believe his motives are sincere. But you're right, I can't stoop to his level...I have to sleep at night.
Have you filed for any child support? I would do that now, you need money for food and gas! If you agree to some different kind of custody arrangement later, you can always adjust the child support now, but you do have the right to get temporary child support in the meantime and since you know he's not going to offer, go to the courthouse and get the paperwork and get that process started if you haven't already.
I'll see what I can find out about the AZ child support calculation.
Here's a link to a calculator for AZ: http://www.supreme.state.az.us/childsup/ Step three has a link to the support guidelines, which I recommend reading. Online calculators can be helpful, but they can also be way off from the actual calculation.
You said before that you just want help with the daycare costs, but it is very likely that is just want the child support will be. If you get it calculated and it's too high, you can always agree to a lower amount. But from the way you've described your baby's father, I'd request the courts to enforce the calculated amount, then I'd go to him and say I'd agree to a lower amount under certain conditions the first being he treats you with respect and acts like a co-parent not an independant third party, and then only agree to a change if he demonstrates he is capable of those things. If not, then there is no reason not to continue collecting the full state calculated child support obligation.
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