How do you keep yourself in check?
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How do you keep yourself in check?
| Thu, 10-20-2005 - 1:48pm |
I have a problem. I have been repremanded at work 3 times in the last 3 weeks for being rude to other employees. I didn't even relize I did it the first two times. This last time was with a doctor and I knew I did it. I couldn't stop myself. I don't know if it my anger over the divorce finally emerging or what. I just seem to be a little short with people. I seem to have no tolerance for others stupidity and laziness. I am going to end up losing my job if i don't get my head on straight. Anyone else have this problem? How can I get my feelings in check? I haven't had the chance to ask my therapist yet and I don't see her till next week. Anyone have any suggestions? I can't afford to lose my job. Don't know what I will do if I do. I am really scared. Help!
Hugs, Brenda
Hugs, Brenda

I would visit the library and check out some books on dealing with stress or anger,
well, i think it really takes a lot of support and compassion from the people around us, to help us get thru these stressful times. i know that i am very grateful to my friends at work for helping me thru the divorce. but you can't lose your job!
i don't know what kind of job you have or what kind of environment you are working in, and if this would work for you, but if you can - then speak to your boss/HR people about your situation. the stress is a temporary problem, and you will work thru it (and have
Journaling is a great suggestion. Before you know it, the thought is out there, and you can address it. It's also something physical to do, so it relieves the anxiety of having to "do something" to solve the problem. You are doing something...your thinking and typing :-)
Usually I try to find some inspiring quote that will settle me down if I find my nerves are raw from all the stress. Something to remind me I'm human, he's human, we're all human so we're all not perfect.
Here are some examples:
"Persons are judged to be great because of the positive qualities they possess, not because of the absence of faults" Anonymous
"Instead of thinking about what you're missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing." Anonymous
"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." Herm Albright
"Keep true, never be ashamed of doing right; decide on what you think is right and stick to it." T.S. Elliot
"Positive anything is better than negative nothing." Elbert Hubbard
Or find one that gets you going. Print it out and have it stuck somewhere close where you can see it and when that feeling comes along, read it and breathe :-)
We support you. You can do this.
(...plus bubble baths really do the trick too ;-) )
Edited 10/21/2005 11:27 am ET by goddess_athena_99
I firmly believe that we are far more in control of our emotions, re-actions, words and attitudes than most people believe. Remember and keep repeating this...<> Nobody "makes" me mad...I choose to become angry. This shift in perception puts the ball back in my court. People can be as selfish, stupid, cruel and lazy as they wish and I can CHOOSE how I respond. You can too! It takes conscious effort, though, it doesn't come instantly.
Do whatever it is that works for you to help you relax: music, exercise, gardening, reading, bubble baths, whatever... Do it often!
When I feel more in control of my life and when I feel like I have choices, I'm much less stressed, much easier to be around, and less "garbage" from other people bothers me.
I hope you've heard back from your therapist and take her recommendations seriously!
Do whatever it takes to keep that job...at least until a better one comes along. It is quite possible to keep one's mouth shut while screaming internally.
It's tough to keep what's going on in your personal life from affecting your professional life. You have to have yourself under amazing control to have a divorce have no effect at all on your professional performance. But now that you've recognized that this personal life spillover into your professional life is jeopardizing your job, you can start damage control. I would apologize to your supervisor and the people you were unprofessional to - whether you are actually sorry or feel they were being idiots, I'd still apologize because you do regret acting that way in the workplace. I'd explain that you are experiencing some personal stress that has made you uncharacteristically short-tempered and that you are now dealing with it. When you're at work, when you feel personal issues coming into your thoughts or you feel yourself in a foul mood, try to think about how much you need your job and try to shift your focus to acting in a way that will make that happen. If someone gets on your nerves, before you open your mouth stop for a second and think about whether your response is appropriate for the workplace. Practice in your head dealing with annoyances in a positive way - remember you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Save sarcasm and venting for your friends, your journal, or your therapist. If you find yourself dealing with annoyances on too regular a basis, it may be time to start job hunting. But in the meantime, keep things professional because you may need a reference in the future.
-sang
Jennie had a great idea.... journal into a Word file or other computer file.... just let whatever's on your mind roll out.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Have you tried going through your company's employee assistance program (EAP)???? I have found them helpful in the past. Also finding someone at your work that is going through the same things and that you can vent things back and forth with is helpful. There's a woman in my workplace that is going through the exact same thing as I am with our ex spouses and kids and we can talk back and forth.
Are you taking phone calls or emails from your ex or lawyer during your work hours? I found that I read email on my breaks and that reading stuff from my ex would totally ruin the rest of my day. Use your work day as an escape from your personal life, don't have contact with the outside world unless it's an emergency.
I am pretty laid back at work most of the time so the couple of times I have been snippy surprised people enough so they knew I was having a bad day. I still have to make a conscious effort not to rip people a new one sometimes.
Some days are harder than others. Some of the surgeons that I work with pretty regularly know when I've been pushed too far because I get VERY quiet. Some of them just plain love getting a rise out of people and if you just ignore it them works a lot better than telling them where to step off. They can't get the reaction they want so they stop.