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| Wed, 09-20-2006 - 1:36pm |
I need help. I have married for 17 years and have 3 beautiful girls. We have been seprated once before, and tried to put it back together. We have been seprated again for over a year, and I finally filed for divorce. I stayed in the marriage for the children, and got to the point that I just couldn't do it anymore. I was a stay at home mom, and had no means to support them, so I was the one that left. I am terrified to go through with the divorce. I found a job, and support myself, but the fear of being without my marriage is forever over my head. I worry about my children, and miss them depserately, and not seeing them everyday. He is a good father, and they are doing well. Is it ever good to stay in the marriage just for the children??

Sorry your'e having a tough time right now. You say the children are doing well, but you mention that you are "terrified to go through with the divorce" and that the "fear of being without my marriage is forever over my head."
Is it ever good to stay in the marriage just for the children??
From what you've said, you want to stay in the marriage for you, not for the children. That is fine and all, but just make sure you examine your reasons and do what is best for you.
If it's just for the children, no.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Not just for the children.
For yourself, yes, if that's what you want to try, and he is agreeable.
It's not fair to your children (or yourself) to stay in a marriage "for them", there will/would be a lot of guilt on their part.
I stayed in my marriage far too long for the sake of my son, and it was a BAD mistake. The misery I felt during those years was almost unbearable. It took such a toll on my mental health....and it made me a far worse mother. Honestly, many days I would hope that I just wouldn't wake up...that's how bad the pain was. When it got to that point, I knew I had to leave. I'm sure some say I am selfish (I know my says that) for leaving, but I had to do it to save my sanity and life.
About a year before I filed, I read this book: Imperfect Harmony: How to Stay Married for the Sake of Your Children and Still Be Happy
I was so desperate at the time, I was willing to read anything that I thought might help. The basic theme of the book is that you should pretty much stick it out under almost any circumstances. It wasn't helpful to me personally, but it may give you a better perspective.
In the end, I came to the conclusion that