How do you know?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2005
How do you know?
2
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 2:02pm
The last time I posted on an ivillage discussion board was 2 years ago when I asked: how do I know if I am making the right decision in marrying this man? It appears that now the question is how do I know if I should separate from him? He's a fine person. Not an addict, abuser anything at all like that- there is no big red flag telling me to end it. The problem is me. I am unhappy being married to him. I feel like I don't like him anymore - I don't like hanging out with him anymore. We don't have much in common, I don't like our life and I'm just generally unhappy with the whole thing. For the past 6 months I've cried probably 3 times a week because fights would happen and I would think "I don't want to be married to this person." When good things happen he isn't exactly the first person I want to tell- but I feel like he is the person I am supposed to tell so I do, but shouldn't this feel differently...? I thoguht I knew how I should feel - I think I should feel like he's my best friend. And I think I should feel like if the worst thing that could ever happen, happened- I would want him there. I don't know how I feel? I feel like this is a very boring routine spiked with fights, hurts and frustrations. And why do I feel like that? I look back and I wonder if I ever truely did feel like I thought I should being married to the one? I know how I always thought I was supposed to feel on my wedding night... I didn't feel like that. I didn't feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I felt like it was a production. I felt like this is what I am supposed to be doing. I wonder now why did I marry him? And what do I do? I talked to my best friend about it this weekend and she asked me if I wanted to have kids with him. My reply was, well he will make a great father. Which he will. And she said that's not what I asked. Do people feel like that? Do you feel like, "THIS is the person I want to have babies with?" I know I've felt like that before with past boyfriends. I've felt like they were "the one," but in this situation I passed those emotions off thinking that I was just young and naiive to feel that way but now I wish I did. Do I go talk to a counsellor? He knows I am unhappy and we talked about me going to see someone but he feels like I should be able to confide these feelings in him. How do I tell him I'd rather go home to my parents half the time than stay at our house? He feels like "we" should be able to work it out rather than bringing in a 3rd party. And when we fight- which we do alot- we don't have alot of time together during the week and when we do have time together on the weekends it is miserable. When we fight I feel like he fights and says things you wouldn't say to someone you didn't want to hurt. I think that is where alot of these feelings begin. I think I resent him for alot of the things he has said to me and his behavior toward me when things get rough. I don't know, I am so confused and sad. I think of my life without him and I feel relieved which I know can't be right..I know I wouldn't feel relieved at all...? Are we in a rut or is this something more? Thanks so much for any advice, I am a mess..
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: ldr_rn
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 2:09pm

I think you should go to counseling.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: ldr_rn
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 5:08pm

I think that when "we" know it's a good time to bring in a 3rd party counselor is when "we" can't talk about feelings without getting upset and/or crying.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~