How Do You Know It's Over?
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How Do You Know It's Over?
| Fri, 06-22-2007 - 4:01pm |
How do you know your marriage is over or that you want out? How do you know if you just want a break from the lifestyle? Can you have a break & go back? Please don't judge here, I'm just in a really confused state of mind right now. I've been w/H since we're only teens. Married for 11 years now. Have 2 kids-5 & 3. I'm bored, not happy, tired of the same old same old crap. I never really had other realtionships either. I'm not sure exactly what's missing but there is surely something missing. I had an A a long time ago, he's resurfacing & I'm so stressed & scared. Even if nothing came about of the A, I just know that something's missing from my M that draws me to this other man. If I bring this up to H I know he's going to go ballistic. There's never any calm sit down & talk about things like this. We end up yelling & I end up crying. Never being able to really explain myself. But I'm not even sure that I can pinpoint it. Is it just a matter of not being happy? I don't even know. I can't tell him about the A b/c that would surely end it all. Do I really truly WANT to go through a D? Does anyone? I don't hate H or anything like that, I'm just truly bored out of my mind w/our relationship. I'm not saying that life w/my A would be thrilling & I also don't expect him to leave his W for me. But often times I feel like I need to be on my own. Just to experience life differently. I've lived w/H since I'm only 19 years old & now I'm 32. I've really known no other life. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just like you said- everything, only I have not had an A- but am so extremely tempted and also I am 38- we are going on 18 years, been in counseling for a few months, but he refuses to let go and he knows without a doubt how unhappy I am with us!
good luck-
and I'm anxious to see your replies-
eve
Individual counseling. Sort it out with a professional. Find other things to do so you aren't bored. I have young kids too -- you don't have to be bored.
Marriage takes work and, as they say, love is a verb--requires action. So make sure you do your part before walking away.
Of course your H has to do his part, too; love has to be a verb for him, too.
There are programs for marriages in trouble; look into them before you walk: Retrouvaille is one of them.
The only part of your post that raised my eyebrows was the yelling bit -- is he emotionally abusive or controlling? That would be a whole other kettle of fish.
In any case talk it through with a counselor.
M
Also, I would make a conscious effort to stay AWAY from any communication with the A until you have some resolution in your decision to stay or go. An A will only be a distraction, and give you some false sense of how it could be somewhere else, which may be even more tempting for you to not work on the marriage.
Personally, I have been through a divorce, and an A on my part was involved. I am soon to be married to the AP, who really is the love of my life, and for me...it is a happy ending. BUT....I would not wish the divorce process on ANYONE. It was SO emotionally and physically trying on myself and everyone else involved. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to encounter in my life, and I would strongly encourage you to try making your current situation more exciting. You are bored because of something missing within YOURSELF, and outside factors are not going to change that. Figure out what is really missing, and see if you can somehow fulfill it within your marriage.
Even though I am so happy now, sometimes, for the sake of my son and the amount of emotional pain experienced by myself and my ex, sometimes I wonder how things would be different if I made more of an effort......