how do you know what's best for child?
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how do you know what's best for child?
| Mon, 02-21-2005 - 12:38am |
first post here-thanks for reading-if I should be at a different board plz let me know-
In a nutshell, my ex-boyfriend and I split 2 years ago and to save my sanity I moved with our 2 year old daughter to the small town I grew up in, 300 miles away, and have remained in the same place since. My ex was supportive of this at the time and has remained very involved with financial support and regular visitation. My daughter is thriving in a beautiful school with new friends and my family close by to support us. She adores her Dad and looks forward to their visits every other weekend. I should mention he lives in a large urban area, which makes our town look like Mayberry! Aside from the long drives to get them together, and my having to do 95% of the parenting alone, I feel the situation has been positive overall. Well, my ex is no longer satisfied and wants me to move back, nearby but not with him, so he can be closer to DD. He holds the financial support over my head, like he's paying and should have her closer. It's very confusing for me. If I'm to move back, I leave all the support I've enjoyed here and must uproot my 4 year old from her safe secure lifestyle and deal with my ex on a much more regular basis. He's been in a relationship for about a year and it's hurtful to me and frankly I don't need that in my face everyday. My question is...should a child live near her father when possible, even at the risk of losing the consistancy and structure we've established? I'm a good mother and she's an amazing kid. I don't want to deprive her of a closer relationship with her father, but I see great sacrifices having to be made, mostly from me. Thanks again.
In a nutshell, my ex-boyfriend and I split 2 years ago and to save my sanity I moved with our 2 year old daughter to the small town I grew up in, 300 miles away, and have remained in the same place since. My ex was supportive of this at the time and has remained very involved with financial support and regular visitation. My daughter is thriving in a beautiful school with new friends and my family close by to support us. She adores her Dad and looks forward to their visits every other weekend. I should mention he lives in a large urban area, which makes our town look like Mayberry! Aside from the long drives to get them together, and my having to do 95% of the parenting alone, I feel the situation has been positive overall. Well, my ex is no longer satisfied and wants me to move back, nearby but not with him, so he can be closer to DD. He holds the financial support over my head, like he's paying and should have her closer. It's very confusing for me. If I'm to move back, I leave all the support I've enjoyed here and must uproot my 4 year old from her safe secure lifestyle and deal with my ex on a much more regular basis. He's been in a relationship for about a year and it's hurtful to me and frankly I don't need that in my face everyday. My question is...should a child live near her father when possible, even at the risk of losing the consistancy and structure we've established? I'm a good mother and she's an amazing kid. I don't want to deprive her of a closer relationship with her father, but I see great sacrifices having to be made, mostly from me. Thanks again.

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Well, why were you in the city that your EX lives in to start with?... and from following the conversation along here.... it sounds like DD's dad is a great role model (has a supportive family)
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
THANKS FOR ASKING. IT COMES OFF ON THURSDAY. I CAN'T WAIT! SUPPOSED TO DO SOME OCCUPATIONAL THERAPY AFTERWARDS. W/ NO INSURANCE, NOT SURE THAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN. I THINK THAT BETWEEN NEEDLEWORK AND KEYBOARDING, I'LL DO OKAY.
STEPH
Dear Mama,
I have 3 kids, two in school and one preschooler. I would agree with the other posters that being closer to dad would be a benefit to your dd, if he is as involved as you say he is. Think ahead to her school years, the field trips, school events, sports (and coaching). He will not be able to easily participate in any of that if he is 1 1/2 hrs away. And you mentioned the weekends away, that becomes a huge issue when they get older since they are away from their friends. There are many divorced parents at our school, and I see the dads picking the kids up from school for an overnight during the week, and showing up at school events. The kids see both parents active in their lives on a daily basis.
Whether you do it in his hometown, or someplace nearer, its something to think about.
I agree that having the support of your family is very important, but having a discussion with your x-bf about finding a middle ground would be helpful.
Did you get legal advice when you agreed to the amount of child support originally? Just so that you know what the law is, not just what he said he would do?
Ann
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