How do you survive giving the kid(s) to him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
How do you survive giving the kid(s) to him?
Wed, 08-17-2011 - 12:31pm

Hi all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 08-17-2011 - 7:53pm

I have actually heard stories about how some guys become more involved when they have visiation because they are 100% responsible during that time.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Wed, 08-17-2011 - 7:58pm


I can understand your anxiety. So here's my advice:

First, it makes sense to me that this whole visitation overnight not be all of a sudden. Both you and your EX should approach this realistically. In other words, in stages. For example, your EX should begin taking her for playdates for a couple hours. Not all day and all night. Just a couple of hours. Then, half a day, then a full day. Then, overnight.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2010
Thu, 08-18-2011 - 12:38pm

I agree with the PP's. I would also like to share my own personal experience. My ex was completely uninvolved in our dd's life when we lived together. But when we seperated then divorced he changed completely with her. She was a total mommy's girl, never wanted anything to do with him because he basically just ignored her ALL THE TIME! But now she loves to spend time with Daddy, she still wants me if she is sick or scared but her time with daddy is completely about her play, play, play! It is really great for her and I am really glad he is finally involved in her life, even if it did take divorce. Our dd is only 4 also, and I felt exactly like you are describing how you are feeling at first, but I was plesantly surprised. If he doesn't change his behaviour he will probably just gradually or rapidly decrease his time with her, only time will tell. GL!!!

Oh and I we also did the gradual time with daddy like wisdom suggested. On his weekends he would take for a few hours on saturday for a month, then most of the day on saturday for a month, then all day but home to sleep on saturday for a month, then all day saturday and overnight for a month, then for the whole weekend from there on out and she transitioned fine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 08-18-2011 - 12:43pm

great ideas here.

I also see it happen often that for some reason, moms act like the children belong only to them.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 08-19-2011 - 6:26pm

Welcome to the board!

First, I have to warn you I am PMSing, so I appoligize ahead of time if I get a little snippy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Fri, 09-02-2011 - 1:15pm

Its all what you make out of it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Wed, 09-07-2011 - 1:51pm

You just do it!

Plan some things for yourself that you wouldn't do with your daughter around!

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie