How do you tell him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
How do you tell him?
1
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 4:44pm

Hi, my name is Mari. My backstory is here:

http://marisonestepatatimedivorceblog.blogspot.com/

Bottom line-I'm in this emotionally and physically abusive marriage, and I have made the decision to get out. I've been trying to talk to DH since I started the process--made the appointment--without actually telling him I made the appointment. He just doesn't seem to accept that as much as I do love him, I can't remain in this situation anymore. I don't want a divorce--but I don't know how to make this work. I've tried counseling, talking--you name it. DH refuses to see that there is a problem, and continues to use threats of divorcing me and taking our son away from me, in addition to yelling, to try to make me do what he wants.

But I do care about him, very deeply. I want to tell him in a way that gives away nothing, makes it definite that I love him and always will, crystal clear that there is absolutely no one else, but that I don't feel we can live together anymore, and my decision is definite, this is going to happen. I hate the thought of him just receiving a letter from a lawyer.

Urgh! What to do? Suggestions, anyone?

Mari

"You love someone for so long--you plan a life around them--and then slowly, you just realize that the problems are rooted too deep, you're only one person, and there isn't a heck of a lot you can do if you're the only one trying."

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 11:27pm

Hi There!

Have you tried contacting a womens shelter? They would be able to give you advice on this. I read your blog. It seems that you may not want to tell him in person. Try contacting someone there. They also have councelers there to help you with you and your son. It's also a safe place where nobody can hurt you physically or emotionally.
Good luck and keep coming back as much as you need to.

K:)