How do you tell your spouse?

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katka83
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2005
How do you tell your spouse?
6
 Mon, 08-15-2011 - 7:10pm

Hi,

I'll try to keep this short... my journey started back in April 2010, my husband began an emotional affair with another woman.

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musiclover12
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: katka83
Re: How do you tell your spouse?
 Mon, 08-15-2011 - 8:13pm

It's really a very hard conversation to start but it's not like your DH should be totally caught off guard because of his actions.

tracyrenee1234
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
In reply to: katka83
Re: How do you tell your spouse?
 Mon, 08-15-2011 - 11:31pm

Dear Katka,

Just wondering how long you have been married.

katka83
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2005
In reply to: katka83
Re: How do you tell your spouse?
 Tue, 08-16-2011 - 9:20am

Tracyrenee1234 wrote:

Just wondering how long you have been married.

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katka83
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2005
In reply to: katka83
Re: How do you tell your spouse?
 Tue, 08-16-2011 - 9:21am
musiclover12 wrote:

It's really a very hard conversation to start but it's not like your DH should be totally caught off guard because of his actions. You know, it's amazing how when one tells so many lies they begin to believe them!

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wisdomtooth2020
Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
In reply to: katka83
Re: How do you tell your spouse?
 Tue, 08-16-2011 - 11:41am

Kat,

Hi. I think you married an emotionally immature man. In other words, he can't make up his mind: be married, play the field. Stay. Go. Leave home. Run home. Have a girlfriend. Keep the wife. Since he's shown he's not able to decide, it's up to you.

You are wise to seek legal advice. Make sure you understand what is fair and responsible for you to do, i.e. don't give away all the furniture. It's yours too. If keeping your pets is more important, then let the furniture go. But don't give away the store.

As for telling him you're done? Well, he's been telling you he's done, can't commit, can't decide for a long time now. So, it should come as no surprise you're moving on with your life without him. Get the legal advice first. In fact, I'd move his stuff out of the house and put it in storage and let him know where he can get it. Change the locks, your phone number, and block your email and texts. Guys like him don't know what they want and they usually try to have it both ways.

Good luck.

katka83
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2005
In reply to: katka83
Re: How do you tell your spouse?
 Tue, 08-16-2011 - 4:18pm
wisdomtooth2020 wrote:

Kat,

Hi. I think you married an emotionally immature man. In other words, he can't make up his mind: be married, play the field. Stay. Go. Leave home. Run home. Have a girlfriend. Keep the wife. Since he's shown he's not able to decide, it's up to you. Unfortunately.... :-\

You are wise to seek legal advice. Make sure you understand what is fair and responsible for you to do, i.e. don't give away all the furniture. It's yours too. If keeping your pets is more important, then let the furniture go. But don't give away the store. It seems that in my state (PA) pets are considered property and can be divided as the court sees fit - but the lawyer said if my husband did fight for them I'd have a good case since they've been living with me the whole time and I've been caring for them.

As for telling him you're done? Well, he's been telling you he's done, can't commit, can't decide for a long time now. So, it should come as no surprise you're moving on with your life without him. Get the legal advice first. In fact, I'd move his stuff out of the house and put it in storage and let him know where he can get it. Change the locks, your phone number, and block your email and texts. Guys like him don't know what they want and they usually try to have it both ways. You know what's funny (not haha, but ironic), when I tell him I'm done then he wants to work on us, he wants to show me he's "changed", etc.

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