How to enforce things?

Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
How to enforce things?
Sun, 06-23-2013 - 12:33am

What do you do when your STBX wont do what he's supposed to?!    Time & again he doesnt want to pay for this or that for the kids, or whatever....

We cant pay for the lawyers to mediate every little thing!    And then what happens down the road, when they are fairly out of the picture & we cant agree on something!?

ie --- What do I do about things he wants (materially) that I also want?   Bargain?    Lawyers cant deal w/that.

He wont allow me to call him on the phone anymore - Im blocked.   I can only email - but then he refuses to answer, so I get no where....  what to do!?


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 06-23-2013 - 1:55pm

If there is a court order that he is supposed to pay for something (like the kids' lessons, out of pockets expenses for medical care, child support) and he doesn't pay, then you can take him to court for contempt.  If there is no court order, there is nothing you can do.  I've been divorced twice and there were no material things that we argued over--it just wasn't worth it.  It doesn't make sense financially because are you going to pay lawyers a collective $500/hr to fight over who gets the TV or the dishes?  Unless it's a family heirloom or antique that's worth a lot of money, forget it.  One way to divide up personal property might be for each person to make a list of the things that are the most important that they really want, or to take turns picking things, I suppose.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 7:54pm

Kill him with kindness and pick only the battles that are important.  

Life (and divorce) are not fair.  I would try with all your might to not have to depend on him paying for things for the kids.  If he is a control freak, he may be more inclined to pay for things directly, versus splitting costs with you.  I don't know what your agreements currently is, but just some things to consider.   I am just kind of throwing out random ideas.  They may, or may not, work in your situation.  

And like Music said, if you are refering to things that are court ordered and signed by a judge, you can file to have him be found in contempt.  But I am sure that is the last thing you want to spend your time doing.   However, definately keep track of everything, just in case that is what you ultimately have to do.

Don't let him push your buttons and don't sweat "things" you want.  Keep all of your e-mails, showing where you are trying to compromise, running things by him before signing the kids up for activities, etc. etc.  

Good luck!!!

Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Wed, 06-26-2013 - 6:37pm
Good advice. Thank you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Thu, 06-27-2013 - 1:43pm

Is your divorce final?  If not, you're already paying for the lawyers to negotiate things.  If the divorce was finalized......then what he's supposed to pay has been ordered by the court.  If you're not getting what was ordered, your only solution is to take him back to court.  If you have material items that you both want, then the lawyers WILL handle it, that's their job.  That is, if you're still in the process, if it's final, then too bad, you'll have to fight with him over these things.  Some guys are clever about not working, therefore no check to take child support from.....and if he doesn't pay, he goes to jail, where he belongs.  Last but not least, if you don't have one already, get a job, and learn to stand on your own.  You can't get blood from a rock, and you can't get money from someone who doesn't want to pay.  Even if you put him in jail for nonpayment, he can't pay from jail!!  My ex never gave me a penny....and I took care of three boys all on my first on minimum wage, as time went by, I earned lots more, and I could look at him and SAY......we don't need you!  It felt good to say that!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2014
Sun, 03-16-2014 - 12:29am

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