how to explain to my ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2006
how to explain to my ex
4
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 10:39am
I don't know if this is the right board. but here it goes. I married this man for reasons that no longer exist. I love this man. However since we were married his attitude towards life has gone downhill. He is so negative. we only lived together for 5 months when he left. We are still married on paper. We see each other every once in a while. We were trying to work it out then it just got convienent. I have decided I do not want all the pain and stress he has caused. I want a divorce. I know he will sign the papers. I am just afraid to tell him. He can get very verbal sometimes. I was just going to try to make it easy as possible. Have him sign the papers in public right then and its over. I can go to court and file it. Nothing big. He just seems to get emotional. I do not know how to handle it. He usually gets emotional and upset and then mad. Then he gets scary after that. I do not need all the extras. I still care about him I just do not want to be married to him. I wanted to make this split as easy as it possibly can be. Short and simple. But his emotional status is hard to judge.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 11:40am
I know it is VERY hard to deal with a ex spouse's/STBX's emotional outbursts. However, unless you think he's going to become violent, let him spout out whatever he wants, collect the signature, and go file the papers. Unless you have children together, you will have no obligation to deal with his rantings any longer. Just think of it this way....it's a small price to pay to be free of an unhappy marriage.




What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 2:11pm
I agree with justice....... Just get the signature and walk. You might be nice and explain why you waited this long. You said its been a few years. Your willingness to try should stand up for something. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 4:02pm

You've gotten some great advice already... but when you talk to him, use the approach that "we both know this isn't ideal or what we expected, and I think that maybe we should clear up the loose ends so that we can fix this because it's not working like we'd hoped it would."


If you phrase it like that, you're "convincing" him that "we" aren't happy and that this isn't what "we" were shooting for.... rather than saying "I'm not happy."


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2006
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 11:01am
good idea maybe things can be clear and he will not think its all about me. I am just nervous about him showing up where he doesn't belong all the time.