How far have you come?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
How far have you come?
29
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 2:34pm

How long have you been divorced/separated and how far have you come since then?

Hugs~ Lexi

"Shoot for the moon and if you miss you will still be among the stars" ~ Les Brown


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 3:09pm

I'll start!


I've been divorced for 1 1/2 years and in this time I've:



  • Refinanced my home and managed to make all the payments on time.

  • Fixed up the yard some with help from family & friends.

  • FILED my taxes early AND got a refund.

  • Made and stuck to a budget that allows me to save money but still have a life.

Hugs~ Lexi

"Shoot for the moon and if you miss you will still be among the stars" ~ Les Brown


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 4:01pm

Lexi,
Congrats and I love your Bon Jovi quote!

Here's mine:

I am only 26 days into knwoing my marriage is over and my STBX was having an affair for 7 months, BUT, I did move out one month before everything came out (or should I say I caught him)

Just this past December my husband and I were living with my in-laws and didn't have a job when my suspicions of him having an affair got the best of me and I decided I HAD to move out by myself. It was Christmas break and I was separating from my husband, suspecting him of cheating (which I found out a month later that he was),moving out, looking for a job and starting a full load of classes, all at the same time. I thought I was going to die!!!

I found an awesome place to live, and got THREE job offers in one week. Granted, it didn't fall into my lap, but it made me realize that I was self-sufficient and I COULD do it on my own. I LOVE my new job and new place, I have met new people that are supportive of me and have been in my shoes before. The whole experience was and continues to be very empowering.

I have continued to do well in my classes, considering the circustances of my entire life turning upsideown.

I have no doubt I will have a long bragging list like yours. I am in the very beginning of my long road, it will be rough, but I know I will come out okay. Better than okay. I will have to fall down a few times, but I will NEVER let his horrible behavior keep my down for long.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 10:28pm

I have been divorced for a year now after a 9 year he!!. In that year I have accomplished:

My first real vacation (to the UK)
I bought my first real wardrobe which includes skirts now
I went to my first party just last night
I got my first bedroom set, a great iron bed with a canopy
I got my son new bedroom furniture
I painted a mural on my son's bedroom wall
I am learning to speak german
I have made a multitude of new friends
I threw my first large scale children's birthday party for my son
I learned how to edit videos
I got a merit award at work
I painted my first acrylic painting, and now working on a water colour
Many more things.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 7:54am

Ha!!!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

Avatar for mom2maggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 12:48pm

I've been separated for seven months. I have:

- Painted and organized the walk-in closet that is now ALL MINE!
- Painted a hallway and the trim in my dining room.
- Cleaned out two, two car garages. Now one only has my car and lawn tools that I use in it and my neighbor stores his boat in the other - paid me six months rent in cash at Christmas so I could have fun shopping for the kids.
- Right now I'm cleaning and organizing basement storage and planning for a garage sale this spring.
- Have already made about $100 extra cash selling baby clothes that my kids have outgrown.
- Last fall, I bought, assembled, and used a new human powered lawnmower.
- Bought and assembled a desk for DD.
- Disassembled the Cradle and Crib and reassembled a borrowed a twin bed from my parents for DS.
- Bought myself a luxurious high thread count sheet set and down comforter right after Christmas.
- Took both kids with me on a road trip to visit my brother's family who live 8 hours away.
- Reconnected with some "old" female friends and I'm learning how to make some new ones.
- Have started running again.
- Have started reading adult fiction again.
- Have already managed to save more $ in seven months than I was ever able to during the nine years of joint finances with STBX.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 1:26pm

I have come quite a long way in the two years and nearly 4 months since my divorce was final.

Bought my own house and moved into it.
Put a lot of effort into planting new trees and flowers in my yard.
I do the minor maintenance and repairs on my home, with sometimes a little help from my Dad.
Got further along in my schooling.
Began working part-time - I hadn't worked in five years!
Started taking better care of myself, physically and mentally.
I am finding I can stand on my own two feet - I can get by just fine without the ex!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 12:06pm

We filled out the separation agreement questionairre my lawyer gave me and my STBX faxed it back this morning.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 12:50pm

I have been divorced for 5 years this month.
I am not sure if I have accomplished what you ladies have but here goes.

I moved myself and 3 children to a new city and work a new job. As time when one we moved to a bigger place.
I have found a job that I am good at and have received to great reviews. I make the most money that I ever have.
Have gone back to school for my bachlor's degree and have a 3.7 grade point average.
Helped my daughter have a baby and graduate from High school and she starts college in June.
Met the man of my dreams and have been together with him 4 years in July.

lisa j romesburg

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 7:15pm

My ex left me for good in November 2004 and we've officially been divorced since October 2005. Since he left, I:

1) Sold our house and learned how to do all of the paperwork without his help!
2) Found the greatest therapist in the world
3) Moved to a new city and got an apartment
4) Joined a co-ed, recreational football team to meet people
5) Joined 2 different women's groups to meet people and learn new skills (knitting, book club, etc.)
6) Got a new job with a big salary increase
7) Got pre-approved for a mortgage for the condo I am looking to buy
8) Traveled to Israel by myself
9) Joined my university's local alumni group and was elected to a position on the board
10) Fostered a stray cat
11) Had the strength to end a lovely relationship with a wonderful new man that I KNEW I had no future with

Maybe some of these things seem small and silly accomplishments for some people, but for me--a woman who went from living with a father who did EVERTHING for her to living with a man that she depended upon to do everything for her--these baby steps are big accomplishments. Every day I am amazed at the strong woman I've become. The divorce was the worst, most excrutiating experience of my life, but I am so happy with the changes that have come over me and the way I feel about myself--I thank G-d everyday for letting me come through this and come out on top.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 03-15-2006 - 4:57am

ok...

i was in a second marriage- have a DS (19) from my first marraige.

my ex was (is...) very abusive, very controlling , pathological liar. i believed him of course - and i suffered, DS suffered - but we each thought that the marriage was good for the other. it was only when I *forced* DS to call a teen hotline that he started to get help, and they *suggested* that ExH and I (while we married) had a dysfunctional marriage (like...DUUUUUH!!!) so we started therapy. and THAT was a great success... not.... lol... as soon as the therapy shifted from 'how to help DS' to 'lets deal with the problems in the marriage - such as abuse, no sex, money issues, etc ' that's when ExH stopped showing up to therapy (even when he was THERE he didn't really participate....)

I spoke to my ex and said that i wanted to get divorced, that DS and I would move out (we were living in a very expensive rented apartment). ex refused to move on the divorce. i knew that the only way we could get out of there was to just leave when ex was away. i grabbed the opportunity when he was on a "business trip", packed up, and walked out. it was an amazing ego-trip... ds and i still talk about how we wished that we were a 'fly on the wall' to see his face when he walked in to an empty home....

since we got divorced i have gone back to school. i am so proud of myself!! i had started a BA in my 20s and never completed it ---- now i had to practically start from scratch, and its hard - working full time, going to school part time - but i am doing it! and getting pretty good grades, too (most of the time!!)

I also got a promotion at work - there was an opportunity that arose in my office an di was offered to be the office manager.

i love my new *me*!! i used to be a door mat, people pleaser, passive. i couldn't express what *I* wanted. guilt was my guiding force. but all that has changed - i am not afraid to be honest ---- with myself and with others.

now all that is left is to lose some weight and i will be on my way!!




Edited 3/15/2006 6:00 am ET by sk1960

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