How figure out my mind and my heart?
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|Tue, 03-18-2014 - 2:44pm|
I haven't been here in years. And I guess the reasons for returning are similar, sort of. Let me see if I can summarize. Three years ago April my husband asked me to leave. We were not getting along very well, not doing things together, just not in a happy relationship. Ok him, I didn't see the problem the same way. Anyway I moved out, we didn't speak at first but then tried getting along then actually did pretty good. Of course that blew up and he was done. The I got really ill, and his mind changed about me. This was not the first time we had had problems, he'd asked me to move out once before but things smoothed over and made some changes but feel back to where we were.
Today-We still live is seperate homes, I stay with him on the weekends with our child (we don't live very close) and try to go stay during the week. He comes by occassionally and stays with me. My life, work and having a teenager involved in school activities keeps me busy, even though at the end of the day I stop. He has a seasonal job so when the weather is bad he wants someone to do things with. Rain or shine I go to work.Our biggest problem is, well I hate to say he has always wanted the barefoot, pregnant, homemaker (not saying that is bad, but not for all people). I like having success, and doing and being involved outside of the home. I always did our business books, ran the house , did whatever came up, and he worked . When our child started school because of the drive to school I found a job to pass the time. I love it. I make good money, I am successful and have a terrific staff to work with. This became a huge problem. I didn't rainy days off or whim vacations.
But we have managed with ups and downs to stay together, my friends and family call it dating, for the past three years. I enjoy the time we have together. There is romance and passion and attraction. BUT there is still fear of ending up back where we were. He has decided that I need to make up my mind. Do I want to be a wife and move back in, or do I want to be a girlfriend-just not his? So now I am lost, I think.
How do you rationalize the heart to the head? My head tells me that history repeats itself, that we have never really fixed or addressed the reasons we ended up where we are, that even though he says he's willing to accept some change that I don't know if that is going to be enough. But my heart is having trouble with how do you not talk to someone everyday that you have talked to everyday for the last 20+ years. With things being good now, how do you toss that side, maybe it could be better this time?
Basically what if I choose wrong, and how do you not.
Ok help, suggestions, anyone who has been in this position.