How to get the divorce started?
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| Wed, 09-28-2005 - 7:27am |
Dh just informed me tonight he's in love with another woman. This is a woman he's been talking to via phone for 3w. (i.e. no physical contact - she lives in another state).
My mother waited around for my father to choose between her & his mistress. The result, 2 illigitimate children & years of heart ache. I will not repeat. So I reminded dh I would not do what my mother did, I will not share or be a 2nd woman. He had to choose between her or I (as I'd rather this end now before it really develops or when she is in town in Oct). He said he could not choose ... well, if I'm not going to do what my mother did then it's over.
I have a 3yo & a 9mo. I barely work PT as a webdesigner. (Well depending on the season, right now I'm nearly full time but it won't last beyond December.) Seeing I tried to get a job while pg with the 1st time & couldn't find one that paid enough for day care & living expenses. I do not see how I can do so with 2 children needing daycare. I do have a degree (BS Communications), but I had tailored it to be where I am now ... working at home doing webdesign while being a full-time mom. Webdesign is highly competitive & hard to find work.
So how does this work? I never wanted to be a woman who took alimony, but I don't think I have a choice.
Has anyone used a paralegal rather than a lawyer? If the chances of dh getting any custody null to none wouldn't it be easier to just use a paralegal?
REASONS DH WOULD NOT GET CUSTODY:
Alcoholic & drives drunk (but how do I prove?)
Will not change a diaper, give baths, etc.
Has never been with either child for more than 2 hours by himself.
Any input in my situation?
Bonnie

I would use an attorney, or at least have the paralegal do the work but have an attorney review it before you sign anything.
Hello... and Welcome.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
First and foremost...sorry to see you in such upsetting situation.
My question..is..for the cost purposes, would a mediator work good in these cases?
At this point, I would agree that you need to get as much as possible in order to have a decent life for you and your children...for you were not the one that wants the affair, nor have to be blamed for his ways.
You forgive yourself, heal ...take care of yourself first....in order to be strong for your children.
I am not the one that want the divorce...but the soon to be ex-wife has the notion that I have stopped her from living her life...and now she is meeting guys online...saying they are just friends...they listen and hear me...nothing more....Crap, like I am some stupid moron that she can step all over me....No more.
If she wants to have affair with some internet guys....hell with her....Supported family while she finishes her nursing studies...and afterwards she will be making more $$ than I.
So, I will have to see what will be my responsibility as far as child support...Do not get me wrong..I will gladly pay in order to provide for them..as long as I know that is where the money is going for. Will hate it, if she uses the money to go out of town to meet the guys....and stuff like that.
Well...you do have to fight for all you can get...cause it clearly seems he does not want custody of the children, as it will get in his way from having the flings....but you must be able to live decent too. Good luck to you.
Rob