How to handle the other woman?
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| Tue, 01-30-2007 - 5:56pm |
DH has left and says he wants a divorce - been gone 7 months. No separation papers have been filed yet. The new love of his life (he's living with her) is now being squired around town as his new whatever. He even took her to a party and introduced her to my best friend!!!
It's a small town - everybody knows everybody - of course I'm finding out that some people knew a while back. From the way my husban has been acting I'm guessing they've been having this affair for probablyy 2 years. She was hired to increase his business - but now he's crying Poor and can't pay up child support - I'm living hand to mouth and she appears to have expensive tastes.
I'd like to call her up and let her know what a jerk he is and what a homewrecker she is - what do I do when my husband wnats to have my kids around her ...

I wish these cheaters would think about the children before they lose control of themselves and cheat and leave. What is wrong with people anyway? What happened to till death do us part, in sickness and health, for better or for worse? do they still say those things in a marriage ceremony? if they do it should be taken out with all the cheating and divorces going on.
I am so sorry he has done this to you!
My great grandfather was a great man. He used to say in his broken, accented English as he waved his hand close to the floor, "Just because someone is down dere, doesn't mean you gotta go down dere with them!"
I just recently found out about a huge skeleton in my family's closet. Huge. So big, I'm actually having a hard time getting my head around it. I told my Mom that I could understand all the lies and deception that went with this scandal, but what I couldn't figure out was all the forgiveness! She said that there wasn't every really forgiveness..... just moving on. Then she asked me what I though it would have accomplished if this secret had been told or a rift would have been formed in the family. She quickly went on to answer that herself by saying, "Had there been a rift due to lack of forgiveness, everyone OUTSIDE the family would have know something was wrong and it would have come out. Then everyone would have been hurt. And what would a confrontation do? Had there been a confrontation, everyone involved would have found out about it and would have been hurt. The confronter would feel better, but everyone else would have been devastated."
That makes sense to me! I'm certainly willing to sacrifice alot of things for my kids though I'll admit to a small passive aggressive streak when it comes to the kids figuring out what a jerk their father is. But as satisfying as it would be to publicly confront OW, wouldn't it just hurt your kids? People (and kids) aren't stupid. They'll figure out what the score is!
~calla~ mom to rosie and gracie
My heart goes out to you!!
I'm from a small town too, and my x works for a very public company there. I moved 35 miles away, to a town where I only knew 3 people, am living with my so, and re-building my life.
During my divorce, and as it neared its completion, my atty explained to me that I could determine who, if anyone my x, had move in with them. I put it in writing, that my x could not have anyone, male or female, living in our marital home until our youngest, he has custody, who is 13 becomes of age. Since your stbx is living outside of the marital home, it may not work for you. However, the issue with the child support is huge. Contact your atty and friend of the court-or whatever they call it in your town, and put a letter in writing to that court too. State everything that is going on. The money, the new woman, all of it. Believe me, courts still tend to side with the mother, and the fact that your stbx/x is spending your children's money on another woman won't look good to them.
I guess my comment on the "revenge" issue is this . . . our children tend to do as we do, not as we say. Are you sure that you want your children to know that about you? That you went out of your way to hurt someone else? I know you're hurting, humiliated, embarassed, angry, but showing your children that you are the bigger person here will only benefit them in the long run. I go out of my way not to bash my x in front of my kids. They need to make up their own minds about their father. Yours will too.
Is it doing you any good, or your kids any good, to have all of these emotions bottled up, waiting to explode? Are you compromising yourself in the long run? I know, moving on is hard. Especially when everything is being flaunted in your face, and the face of those who know you. If they truly care about you, they will see right through him. Sooner or later, what you put out into the universe comes back. Your stbx/x will get his, and unfortunately so will you if you put the negative out there!
Try to take it day by day.
Good luck!
Laurene
I am in a similar situation, and while it is tempting, DON"T DO IT!
And don't do it for a very selfish reason, it will hurt you more than it will hurt her. You will look like the witch, out of control, she could even file a restraining order against you. You DON"T want that.
She knew he was married and didn't care. Your being upset will not bother her one bit. Your EX has already told her how horrid you were, confronting her would just confirm that.
Write her a long nasty letter and burn it.
My consolation is that SHE will have to live with him and his bad habits (serial cheater), and deal with the kids and ME for as long as they are together. And everyone(esp his family) will know that she is a home wrecker without my confronting her. That's enough of a burden to satisfy me.
What you do is you call an attorney and get the ball rolling to get child support ordered and secured for your children.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I have to agree with larrysgirl... GET THOSE PAPERS FILED! Either seperation, divorce, or something ASAP. Put everything you know into them. The OW, the support situation, custody situation, everything. Then let the courts have at him. I have no doubt that when the courts see the whole situation that they aren't going to look too kindly on him. Besides, just the act of finally setting the wheels in motion for some sort of closure on your part can be liberating. Since you live in a small town, I do too... I'm sure that when all is said and done he's really going to look like the schmuck, and her too.
As far as your desire to have it out with her... dont' do it. All that's going to do is make you look like the loser. If anything is said by her, or him about anything tell them to talk to your lawyer.
Gook luck, and keep us posted
Oh dear...
Ok, I'll tell you my little story.
I separated 5 yrs ago, I moved away as I found out that he has since 7 yrs an affair with our nanny and that they were having "family time" with MY KID. I am acually only separated, not divorced. Occasionally he comes and screams, then he must not want it because he never follows up on the paperwork. He is probably worried about having to marry her... on the other hand, it would be an international divorce, quite complex if all details aren't ironed out.
So, to say that I am bitter with the little slut who is living in my chosen country (went back home, but was comfortable in the US), parties with my friends (that hurt), uses my husband porsche and boat, plans to have kids and houses with him (fat chance before a divorce), goes on vacations with him, is a huge understatement.... think that she works as a child educator - hugh!!!
Note that I don't want my ex back, in any way. Divorce will be done, once full agreement and disclosure will be provided.
At some point, I have considered planting leaflets in the truck stops of the area, giving her phone number and... ahem... suggestions of the kind of pleasures she could provide. In the end, I never did: as others say, I prefer to be the lady, and let her wade in her poop. But perhaps thinking of how it could work out (imagine the calls at work.... :))))) could provide some enjoyment. (evil laugh)