How long were you separated. . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
How long were you separated. . .
15
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 6:56am

. . . before you filed for divorce? I notice a lot of new people on this board since I started posting last fall; I was so bitter back then all I could think about was divorcing ASAP. I have mellowed some, and we aren't even legally separated yet. I don't love him any more, although I do care for him. And sometimes, if I think about it too much, a tiny part of me still hates him for what he did. I do not think we can ever live together again. I stayed so angry most of the time when we were together, and I know that was awful for our DDs, ages 2 and 5 now. But I don't know why I am so reluctant to make this legal! I sort of feel like, why not just leave it as-is, with us living apart, and him not really arguing about when he can see the girls and all?

Thoughts?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 9:26am

He moved out in June of 98 and we went to a mediator to navigate our divorce proceedings, we were legally seperated in November, went to court in December, our divorce was final in January and the divorce was absolute in April. He wanted the divorce, I didn't. I'm not going to stay married to someone that doesn't want me so I gave him his divorce, no use in fighting it.

I poke my head over to try and give advice to those that might just be starting out...I usually am over on the Betrayed Spouse board since mine was cheating but since I've survived divorce...I think I'm helpful lots of places. HAHA!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2005
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 9:50am

I moved from our family residence with my children in April 2005 when I purchased a house.

Carol,  In love with the most beautiful woman in the world.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 10:00am

Personally, I have a very hard time living in limbo. My STBX and I discussed divorce seriously from about April of 2005. I filed for divorce in August 2005 and moved out that same week. The divorce is STILL ongoing. There is a tentative final date of April 21.




What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 11:05am
There was no separation. He filed handed me the papers and kicked me out of the house. Didn't have a clue this was coming. We had never discussed divorce. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 12:16pm
We will be signing our separation agreement within the next few weeks. We have agreed that the one year legal separation will start when our daughter and I move out of the apartment we lived in together. My stbx has had a room in the barracks for the last few weeks. We were told that once we are physically not living together for one year then we can file for divorce. Guess that will mean next summer we should be divorced.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2006
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 2:31pm

I don't think anyone here planned on getting married and having children to wind up becoming divorced. Who wants to be separated from my daughter EOW and every other week in the summer and every other holiday?! Not me.

BUt.....

Why would you want to leave your kids and yourself hanging on? That maybe things will change? Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't.

I held out and kicked my X out because he couldn't go to work but he could go play at the bars. He never beat me, he never swore at me, he would hand over his check to me BUT he wasn't there for me. He would run away to his sisters when we would have fights. Fights about him not wanting to go to work. I mean we have a daughter and you have to do what you have to do for them.

Having her dad come over couple hours here and couple hours there and then dad leaving and asking where dad was and why wasn't dad there. Too much and I won't do that to her. This is MY OPINION. Like I first stated you plans on getting married to get divorced?

The only thing I can say is you will defintely go through UPS and DOWNS living apart just like you would if you were both there in the same house. But my clincher one of the last times my DD saw me crying (because I was in limbo) I said ENOUGH!!

Look at your DD's eyes...would you want them to live through what you are putting yourself through? Would you want them to be in a relationship like this when they get older?

Again it is your choice and good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2006
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 3:01pm

In NY we do not have no fault divorce so I will have to be separate for one year. We are not yet legally separated but he is pretty much moved out.

One big advantage to legal separation is that your finances are separate so you do not run the risk of having him run up your credit cards and ruin your credit.

Plus, you can date other people.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 5:53pm

My STBX and I separated March 20, 2005. In NC you must live apart for one full year before filing for divorce. Since I've paid about $3K in legal fees at this point and he's paid next to nothing it was stipulated in our separation agreement that he is to file and pay all legal costs relating to the actual divorce. He's the one that wanted the divorce and quickly moved in with The Skank (as I call the OW....I'm so immature, I know, but, it makes me laugh a little!). They got very serious very quickly and have been talking about marriage some (found out b/c he was at my house one time when I was gone and looking at Tiffany engagement rings!! My ring was less than $200!!) .


Anyhow, I got sick of waiting for him to file and asked him if he just wanted me to do it. So far, he's undecided!!!! He won't say yes or no to filing! However, he acts as though dissolving our marriage is no big deal.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 7:08pm

Oooh that is right around the corner!! You need to keep us up to date on that!

Mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 7:12pm

My ex and I seperated the final official time the first few days in January '05. The divorce was final February '06. It dragged out and took too long in my eyes. He actually lived here for three months while we were seperated and it was awful. I'm so glad to get it all behind me.

Melanie

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