How long were you separated. . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
How long were you separated. . .
15
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 6:56am

. . . before you filed for divorce? I notice a lot of new people on this board since I started posting last fall; I was so bitter back then all I could think about was divorcing ASAP. I have mellowed some, and we aren't even legally separated yet. I don't love him any more, although I do care for him. And sometimes, if I think about it too much, a tiny part of me still hates him for what he did. I do not think we can ever live together again. I stayed so angry most of the time when we were together, and I know that was awful for our DDs, ages 2 and 5 now. But I don't know why I am so reluctant to make this legal! I sort of feel like, why not just leave it as-is, with us living apart, and him not really arguing about when he can see the girls and all?

Thoughts?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 10:34pm
Well, because of our financial situation.... we didn't actually spearate until the divorce was almost final.... when "our" house sold.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sun, 04-09-2006 - 11:47am

We never separated. We decided to get divorced one night in September and were divorced by December. I think we both wanted out really badly. We stayed under the same roof until I had bought a house about three months after the divorce was final.

We went through the divorce so quickly that I had all kinds of second thoughts about it: I should have tried harder, I should have done things differently, etc. I didn't want the divorce - I still loved my xh, but looking back now, I cannot see how I could have made the marriage work since I was the only one who was willing to work on it and I am now convinced my xh was addicted to porn. As much as I regret putting my child through this divorce and as hard as it is watching him have so much trouble with his Dad remarrying, I cannot see how I could have remained sane if I'd tried to stay married to his Dad.

Every situation is different, though. I would suggest talking to a therapist. I have been seeing a psychologist for the past several months and I am feeling better now about the decision I made to divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 04-09-2006 - 7:34pm
That was the "fast and easy" part for me. I took the kids and left the "marital residence" on October 18, 2004... interviewed 5 lawyers, hired one, and he was served on November 4, 2004... Here is it April 06, still no divorce, but we have a trial date of May 23rd. Here in CT, it could be up to 120 days after the trial date, or it could be that very hour... depends on the Judge.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2005
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 8:37am

After more then 10 years of marriage (together 16+) My XH and i told me in December of 2004 that he was unhappy and no longer in love with me... but he said he wanted to try and that divorce was the last option...i actually believed that.... but i ended up moving out at the last weekend of January 2005, with him telling me he still wanted to try.... we went out a few times but i could tell his heart wasn't in it... on February 28, 2005 he told me there was "nothing left for him to want to try to work things out with me." SO... the next day i went and hired a lawyer (i'm the same as others on this board... you don't want to be with me... so be it... can't force someone to love you)... by March 10, 2005 it was filed in court and in PA you have to wait 90 days for a no-fault divorce... during that time we reached an agreement in the dissolution of our assests.... the D was final in June 2005... and he moved in with his GF in July.... it all happened so FAST.... and his past december (2005) he asked to talk to me (and i agreed it was time) and seemed to be having second thoughts and we talked a lot while he was in town... neither of us said that we wanted to try but we seemed to be moving in that direction... sure messed with my emotions... but in the end he never said he wanted it to be different, and he was going back to his GF each time... i decided i wanted be in control of the situation for once...so i told him goodbye in january (then i hear he tells a mutual friend in FEBRUARY that he was happy that we were gonna try (he could have told me), that he would jump at the chance to be with me, that i'm who he wanted, that "K treats him good but she's no Ali"... WTH? oh well... i can't let him control my emotions anymore.... so i'm trying to move on with my life but am honest with myself to know that i am still picking up the pieces of my heart and my life from a divorce that i never wanted....

Ali

Avatar for mom2maggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 9:40am
I couldn't handle the limbo anymore either. Especially since I felt in limbo for at least the last year of our marriage. STBX filed for divorce in July, we negotiated a draft parenting plan immediately, STBX moved out at my request by August 1, a temporary hearing ratified our parenting plan in October, and we're still negotiating the settlement agreement.

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