How long would you ground her for?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2005
How long would you ground her for?
8
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 11:54am
I just found out that 16yr old DD got her progress report on Friday in homeroom. Today is now Thursday and she has not giving it to me yet because she has a 62 in geometry and she will be grounded for that. However, now it is twofold, not only is she in trouble for a D, she has purposely hidden the progress report from me. I heard her tell my ex that she wasn't going to give it to me because she didn't feel like getting yelled at and she knows I will ground her for it and that the school gave it to HER and not me, if they wanted ME to see it they would have mailed it to me and she doesn't think she should be in trouble for "just" progress reports only report cards. My ex agreed with her and they laughed and joked about how stupid and ridiculous I am about her being in trouble for progress reports. He never said, you need to show that to your mom, you're going to get in more trouble, your mom has every right to see your progress reports, etc... nothing, he just criticized me for the way I parent her and just went along with her disobedience. Nice, huh? How would you handle this?


Edited 2/15/2007 12:30 pm ET by fearless2005
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2001
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 12:01pm

My son did this exact same thing. He got grounded double for omiting the report card. With a stern lecture of omiting the truth is just as bad, if not worse then the initial offence (the D/F).

You can assign a grounding like so many days per the time she kept it from you (ie. she kept it from you for say 6 days. If you assign 3 days per time hidden, she'd be grounded for 18 days). My son got grounded from the phone, computer, all game systems, etc.

It's important your daughter learn that keeping things from you is as bad as lying....

Good luck! Stand your ground!!

Deb

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2005
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 2:07pm
I would think at least until she got the grade up. Maybe three weeks until she got her report card. You might also talk with her teacher to see if she can do tutoring and if you can get her progress reports emailed or mailed to you from now on.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2005
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 2:24pm
So you wouldn't address the issue of hiding it, only the bad grade?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 2:50pm

She's 16.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 4:50pm
AMEN!!!!! Too many "adults" who have no sense of responsibility. (Isn't that why some of us are divorcing our irresponsible spouses??)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 5:16pm

Well..... YES!


Looking back, my EX didn't have very much responsibility..... well, the constructive kind.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 5:22pm
Thank you! I know this is sort of off topic, but I teach college, and we have a term called "helicopter parent" for those who "hover" over their adult children. Staying in touch and providing solicited advice is great (I have a nearly 20-year old daughter myself) but DOING things for them that they should be doing...not so good.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 6:01pm

Well then, I guess I'm a parachute parent.


"Love ya, Honey... hope the rip cord works."


You definitely have to be ready to step in with guidance (and have built a good foundation of expectations.... not "rules"), but letting them see what they can do... and seeing what they do.... is huge.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~