How low can he go
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| Wed, 03-07-2007 - 5:05pm |
First of all, I've been sick for approximately three years with severe asthma and RA. I've been on steroids for approximately the last three years. It wasn't until recently that we learned that the long term use of steroids can result in severe personality problems. Instead of saying anything to my doctors, he let it build up until I get the "I'm Done" speech in November. Later in November, after doing some detective work, I found out that he had supposedly a one night stand, but now I don't believe that is the truth either.
In December, I wondered by his Mother refused to talk to me, and that pretty much cemented the fact that there was still somethere terribly wrong, as she would always end ever conversation with "We Love You" - sent me flowers - gifts - money - cards, you name it. She was colder than ICE.
We went to a couple marital counseling sessions and he immediately figured out what was wrong with me and referred me to a psychiatrist who is treating me the reaction to the steroid use. I am doing so much better. I still have short term memory losses, and can get upset or have an anxiety attack occasionally, but nothing like before.
He continued to act weird, so before I left for a trip to Guatemala, I transferred the bulk of an inheritance I received into an account with my brother. Because of my short term memory problems, I left the computer on, and my email account was open for anyone to read. He saw the emails, some of them were less than complimentary since I have all day on my hands due to my illness and tend to ramble. He also saw that I transferred the money and got so mad that he moved out while I was gone (on a Thursday) and I was served with divorce papers the next Friday. His attorney went for my jugular. Oh, I should mention that before I had to go out on disability, I was a paralegal with over 30 years of experience.
My attorney is not only going for the jugular, but is aiming at his elderly parents as well. I can't imagine how his parents are going to react when they are subpoenaed for deposition to find out what they know about their son's cheating. He told them and took him to their minister. I'm sure that he also told them how long it was going on. I recently received the inheritance, and is now suing me for at lease half of it. He earns over $75,000 a year, and I have been reduced to only $,1400 a month. After the interitence, he bought a nearly new car, and a Anniverary Edition Harley Davidson.
His siblings all know what he's done and is trying to leave me without insurance. Social Security Disability doesn't allow you to be covered until two years after you've been deemed disabled. What kind of a man does that? Oh, by the way, we are both almost 50, so he is old enough to know better.
The assets are frozen so I can only use a little to buy groceries, etc. I have to account for every penny of the money I inherited. His parents are quite wealthy and have trusts for each of their "children"so it's not like he's going to be left with nothing. Both of my parents are deceased, so this is "it" for me.
I have all day to think about this.......as I can't work. God, I hate this.

Do you have a good attorney? In many states, inheritance and gifts are not attachable assets. They are always considered the property of the person who they were gifted to even in a community property state. Seems weird to me that a judge would freeze that unless your stx lied to the courts about where the money came from.
Do you have proof outside of his parent's testimonies of the infidelity? That would be helpful to you.
I am going to assume that you have been married for more than 10 years. That is the outside of the time I have heard of for the length of a marriage to obtain alimony. If you are disabled, he can be ordered to pay alimony for the remainder of your life.
I'm glad that you are getting the help you need with the long term effects of the steroids. I also have severe asthma. I am also Bipolar. When I have to take steroids, all too often, they REALLY mess with my mood swings. I can be crying my eyes out one minute and laughing hysterically the next. ARGH
Take care of you!
In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away
-shing xiong
Unfortunately, I put the check into our joint account so his attorney is claiming it as joint assets. There is case law against me, except that I was hospitalized 7 times and will argue that I did it so he could handle things for me while I was sick.
I'm just now being treated with Lactimal and I would RUN to your therapist and have him recommend a psychiatrist. I'm not saying you're nuts, but this combats the side effects from the steroids.
In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away
-shing xiong
I've been on steroids for so long that I had to have cataracts removed at age 48. I had an asthma attack in the recovery room and was hauled out of there in an ambulance. Second time in less than six months.
I applied for social security disability on October 28th and was granted 100% disability on January 4th. I think that's a world record. Unfortunately, since I'm still "young" in their eyes, it's not that much money.
Soon to be ex has no idea how much this is going to cost him to supplement my income and keep me insured. I also can't believe he "abandoned" our marital home when the payments are about $200 less that my total disability check. He makes $75,000 a year, but I doubt he will get to keep much of it. Since he decided to leave, I imagine he will also have to pay the lion's share of our joint debt. I don't think the judge is going to care that he rented an apartment for $1,100 a month when I told him I would move into my daughter's empty house which is substantially cheaper, and he KNEW it was available. I offered, in writing to try to deduce his expenses and he declined.
Tonight he told me he knows he is going to get "screwed by the court. Hee hee. He left and is looking for sympathy. I'm sure you are crying a tear for him right now.
In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away
-shing xiong
Gosh, I wish my stbx was gonna get nailed by the courts. No such luck. More like, me, the sahm of a 4 yo and 6 yo, is gonna get taken to the cleaners: I bought our house and all he did was rack up debts, which I paid off, and now he is going to claim 50% of the house as his because it is marital--never mind that I put down thousands to buy it and put thousands more in improvements into it, because I put the money to pay for the improvements into a joint account. Foolish, trusting me.
And to boot ... this man, making plenty of money, is going to owe a little more than 10% of his salary in child support! 10%!!! Meanwhile, when I get a job, it will reduce his payment well below 10% of his salary, so I will ... to put it simply ... live in "genteel poverty." I say genteel, because I am well-educated, grew up in upper middle class America, but we will have no money for anything other than a place to live and the very very basics--no trips, no extra-curriculars, no new clothes ... Unfortunately, my masters degree gets me a low-paying career; not that I have a job yet; been a sahm for 6 1/2 years and it is going to be hard to find something.
It is shocking to me that these bast&*&ds get away with this.
It is a nightmare -- and that is just the financial part. The pain, loss and trauma for my kids; the ruined dreams for me. My children can't even stay in their home with the nieghbors, friends and school that they love -- he will walk out on us and leave us in a living hell of having to pack up, put the house on the market, pray it sells while living in limbo (the market is slow here) and then find a place to live -- what's affordable is not nearby ... it is hell ... so he can live as he wants!
Sorry for my rant; those who have been here for awhile have heard this from me before, but the financial piece is coming clear and it adds to the trauma.
I hope your situation goes as well as you hope!
M
I'm sorry your situation involves youg children. A know how much this is affecting my 26 and 24 year old, and they don't live at home anymore.
I'm fortunate in that other than my medical needs, although that's alot, I won't need nearly what it takes to raise a family,
We all know it's not fair, and no matter how much they make, they will always complain that they have to pay too much. Mine wants a newer healthier model, and has thrown away the "in sickness and in health" and the other vows we took.
I'm glad I urged my daughter to buy a house when she was young instead of renting. I never thought that I would be back to where she started. I'm almost 50 and she's only 24, and now I have to depend somewhat on her. I guess it's a good thing both of my kids turned out to be great and caring adults. I don't know what I would do without them.
My kids are the result of an earlier marriage that I ended after 7 years of begging for counseling, begging him to quit drinking, and alot more that I won't say. I know what it is to be a single Mom with two little kids. I missed so much of their childhood because I worked every hour of overtime I could get so we had a roof over our heads and food in the fridge.
It may bring you comfort to know that when they become adults, they are able to look back and see which parent was there for them. Which parent was willing to sacrifice for them, and you will "win" in the long run. They will see your ex as the man he truly is - selfish and uncaring regarding their lives as well as yours.
I hate having to depend on my kids now, but you can't imagine how it feels when they say - Hey Mom, you did for us, and we will do anything to make sure you are taken care of, no matter what. They shouldn't be in this position - they need to live their own lives.
I hope your ex ends up sitting right next to mine......in "man hell."
L