How Many Ex's Married the OW?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2006
How Many Ex's Married the OW?
7
Fri, 08-04-2006 - 12:06pm

I was just reading some of the other posts, and this question popped in my head. My divorce won't be final for about 4 more weeks, but I just feel like this is coming. How did you react when you were told and did you find out from EX or someone else?

Thanks for your responses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Fri, 08-04-2006 - 2:54pm

Well, I just found out Monday that my ex is getting married. I don't think she was in the picture during our marriage though, it's been over a year since our divorce was final. And I am seeing someone now as well, and we're very happy. BUT, regardless of all that, it hit me like a ton of bricks that he's getting married! None of my non-divorced friends understand why I'm so upset. But those who have been through it totally get it, as does my boyfriend, thankfully (he's divorced as well). It's just so hard to think that someone you shared so much of your life with is now going to share these things with another person. And I have a million questions running through my head, how'd they meet? What does she look like? How old is she? Is she pregnant?

As to how I found out, he emailed me. And he didn't even really SAY it in the email. What he said was, "This isn't an easy email to write. I need a copy of our marriage certificate. You will be getting some paperwork from the Catholic Church, and you can probably figure out the rest." He knew I'd figure it out, because one of my closest friends went through all this Catholic Annullment of her first marriage before she could marry a Catholic guy. So the jerk didn't even have the guts to come right out and say it. I wrote him back and said, "What's going on?" And he hasn't responded. Ugh.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2006
Fri, 08-04-2006 - 3:07pm

I have no idea what religion the OW is in my case. I have a hard time believing she goes to ANY church and do what she did. That said, It would be a cold day in H**L before I would fill out any paperwork so that he could get a 20+ year marriage that produced our beautiful children annulled!

I may be completely wrong about any upcoming marriage, I hope so at least. It is just a gut feeling and we all know about those gut feelings. I'm sure a year down the road would still hurt, but not like it would right after a divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Fri, 08-04-2006 - 3:43pm
Yes, I think the whole annullment thing upsets me as much or more than the remarriage itself. We had problems, yes, but we also had a lot of good times in the 13 years we were together. I refused to send him the marriage certificate, by the way. I advised him to contact the court house. My friend who went through this says they are required to notify me and send me this paperwork, and it's up to me whether I "choose to participate." I'm thinking who on earth WOULD?! She says it will delay the whole thing if I don't cooperate, and that's not exactly my goal, but I do want to look out for myself and what I feel is best for me, and helping him go through this charade is not best for me!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 12:26am

I found out from my kids.


Actually, now things are pretty good.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 9:02am

My ex is engaged to be married to the OW in October... for me it didn't come as a surprise... I suspected that they were much more than he admitted they were for a long time coming and actually started thinking Decemberish this year that you know, they've been together for x years now, I bet that I'll hear something about a wedding soon... well, it wasn't that soon, but a couple of months later... May ~maybe... he told me...

How have I reacted, well, its fine by me... the good news is that last year I got his tax refund from the IRS for non payment of CS and if he continues on his current payment schedule (nothing but the tax refund since 11/2005), I hope to get it next year too... and if that happens, and they file jointly, I'll get his and hers...

The thing that got me, and this was discussed in another thread on this board, is that they are getting married at Disney in October and our little boy who will be five at the time of the ceremony is not invited to participate in any of the wedding festivities at all... that stung, but its not about xh getting re-married, its about what his exclusion of him at this major event says for their future relationship...

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2006
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 10:37am

In my case I (male) initiated the divorce proceedings. This may not be what you are asking about, but the way I "told" her included:

*changing careers seventeen years ago to be certain I could eventually provide for two households if needed
*pleading for counselling for years, although she insisted "You have the problem, you go"
*becoming so disheartened over our sex life together that I stopped initiating lovemaking so that she would do so when she did want sex (twelve years later now......)
*getting lists of recommended counsellors with telephone numbers and asking HER to select
*giving her as an anniversary present (*three and a half years ago) a book entitled "How to Win Your Husband Back Before It's Too Late"---she never read it
*leaving lengthy letters for her when going our of town on business appealing for her to realize this would end in divorce
*burning a CD of songs that expressed my growing alienation and leaving it in one of those letters (two and a half years ago)---she returned it without comment
*a year and a half ago did one of those letters and included my wedding ring--she never asked me to put it back on, and I never did
*a year ago hiring an attorney who suggested we try a "collaborative divorce". she wrote a letter to my STBX outlining the process which I took two months to deliver to wait for the least-stressful time
*THEN getting a new counsellor once STBX saw the letter, going for three months (now FAR too late)
*then insisting six months ago she follow my attorney's instructions and enduring three days of hysterical tears during which she acknowledged she "had been in denial"--so I held off in reinitiating proceedings out of respect to her feelings
*finally realizing I was killing myself by staying and that my situation was actually abusive (I participate in the abuse bulletin board here too) and actually filed a divorce complaint.

Told you all this to get to the direct answer to your question. My intent was to file, arranging quietly for a place to live and then notify her verbally and move out the same day.

Due to clerical error at my attorney's office, though, eight days prior to "D Day", they sent me a bill at my home, which STBX opened and read, even though she knew it was private to me from my own attorney. So while I am embarrassed to say, THAT's how she found out.

That night I apologized to her for how she found out, but told her that that indeed was what was happening. I have moved out now and things are proceeding. Thanks for letting me tell my story.

Rediscovering

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2006
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 10:46am

OMG, I just realized what is was you were asking. My apologies. I didnt know what an "OW" was and having read the remaining thread I know I misunderstood the question.

In my case there WAS no OW, nor was there an OM. In her case I dont think she cares for sex much anyway. In my case I stubbornly remained faithful.

I am confident in saying that if either of us ever married again it would be much more likely to be me. She is such a perfectionist she may be unlikely to find a suitable candidate.

If my prior post was entirely irrelevant to the discussion, I am sorry for cluttering your discussion up.