How much CS are you to receive and
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 01-07-2006 - 12:00pm |
are you getting it?
I am from MI, work fulltime $11.59/hr and work contingent at local hospital making almost $11/hr but only work MAYBE 4-6hr a week, receive no assistance, have only one child, pay for all my OWN utilities, health/dental/vision insurance, rent and car.
X works "self employed", lives with sister and pays no utilities, has another kid with his GF, carries no insurance for our DD and was able to go to Vegas last summer for a week to play in a dart tournament.
X was ordered to pay $501/mo but recently had it reduced to $480/mo.
This helps cover child support, portion of our DD health insurance premium, child care and then court costs and fees.
I pay $75/wk for child care regardless if she goes or not. $300/mo
Plus cover her food, water, heat etc. We do not qualify for assistance and so I don't have to but she would rather eat hot lunch at school which is $1.75. Plus every other weekend I have to pick my DD up from him who lives an hr away from me and with the price of gas fill up my gas guzzler and waist $40/mo because he chose to move away from her.
He is now in arrerrages over $1500. Last month beginning of January he was in arrerrages over $1800 and the court finally made him pay 1/2 or go to jail. That money came in handy for christmas and buy some new clothes for DD she is at a growth spurt since the beginning of school and paying some bills that I had to juggle from not having enough money.
I am NOT complaining of what I have to do to take care of my child I will do whatever I have to for her. That is why I decided that we couldn't afford another child so we didn't have another one. But now he pays nothing or buys nothing for our DD and complains that our DD does NOT cost that much money a month. Coming from a man who only works when he wants to and his other kid is on Welfare.
Don't get me wrong I have put into the system and if I need assistance I would take it. But I wouldn't rely on the government to be my healthcare source just because I chose to have a baby.
He is very capable of working at Burger King or delivering pizzas (oh wait he can't do that he has no vehicle it was repo). But he could work part time somewhere else. I don't like working from 8 in the morning until 8 at night and missing time with my DD but I have too to take care of her.
Just wondering how everyone else is making it.......

Oh and BTW it will be about $300/mo in CS once I get taxes taken care of and I get to a lawyer (I hope).
Hugs, Brenda
Feliciarg,
Dang it sounds like you are really working your tushie off and obviously you love that little one bunches. I hope to sound off as 'healthily' as you sound at some point in the future...*grimaces. I know that some here might not want to state their financial situation, but with me its just all figures anyhow, I and the kids have not at any time during the entire divorce process gotten even half of what is 'supposed' to be the child support or alimony.
We have five children, one who is special needs. I was a stay at home, and homeschooling mommy for almost 12 years, and out of the work force for over 13 years of our 16 years of marriage. I did not get to complete my degree, but instead chose to help support my stbx in his career and with our family. I am not bitter about that, those were good choices we made together. I do wish I were smarter though and had been able to see that providing for my and the kids future needed to be delineated. Inside of my marriage though, especially in the early and mid years, that would have felt very disloyal of me to live in a way which supposed that someday 'he' might not still be honorable or responsible. Stbx's income rose over the years in the family business, and though we were not living in luxury, we paid our bills and had a little left over for extra's and saving; he made between an average of 65K for the last three years of our intact family according to IRS records.
Within two months of my filing for the divorce, both of our lawyers ran the dissomaster and came up with the amount of $3,300.00 monthly for cs and another $400.00 supposedly for alimony. The judge signed off on it and it was put in what is called a Stipulation agreement. Which btw, is about as worth a piece of cotton candy which dissipates when wet as anything else. Later when I filed with the county Child Support agency, they informed me that they would only enforce arrearage on the amount which was assigned by the court some six months later once he went to court and changed his mind that he wanted the 50-50 arrangement I had offered to him to begin with.
I never wanted him to be so broke as he wouldn't be able to have a decent place to live and afford to take care of the children and do some things together when they were with him, so I spoke to my lawyer and agreed to lower the monthly amount a little, down to $2,750.00 per month. At the time he was bringing home about $5,500.00 per monthly paycheck and that had been the norm for the past 18 months or so. He manages a small manufacturing business that was started by his father like 25 years ago.
Well for the first month to six weeks, instead of the money, he or his parents would put bags of groceries on the doorstep, and by the way told me if I 'asked nicely' and if it was something he thought the children should have or do, then he would pay for that too. His wages were garnished two months later, but his mother is the accountant for the business so you can imagine the kind of stunts that were pulled. First he delayed another 30 days, then would give me 'weekly' amounts of around $300, charging me an administrative fee of $25. per check issued...he would go 5 weeks without paying anything then giv us two, $315.00 checks, or he would/his mom would put my maiden name on the company check knowing full well all my identification was in my married name so that would delay/hassle me in trying to get the check deposited or cashed. I could not depend on funds to help me pay the rent or whatever, which is exactly why he did that. Btw, during this period he had requested from the judge and the court had agreed, that I was to continue homeschooling the children. So I had them a little more than 80% of the time, he saw them two non overnights a week, and eo weekend. I obviously could not find work with such a crazy schedule other than jobs for neighbors etc. -- he wanted to make sure I could not work in that interim and save any money I see now.
When after six months, he went to the judge and asked to have the 50-50 joint legal and physical which I had initially offered, the support amount the court assigned was, understandably less based on the amount of time the kids were with each of us. It was lowered to $1300.00 per month and he was to pay for half of child care and carry the children on the insurance. He continued them on the insurance, but found ways to fight me, still is, on any child care provider I interviewed and wanted to hire.
When the temp custody went to 50-50 my request from the initial filing was reconsidered about enrolling the children in a normal local public elementary. But he and his lawyer convinced the judge that HE and his parents would homeschool them since the final custody trial was set for 6 weeks from that time. I understand the judge was hoping to provide continuity for the kids, not wanting to enroll them and then possibly have them taken out if the father got placement, since he had turned this into a Move Away custody case at that time.
I was really blessed and found a job in my previous military career field, and it paid $15.50 per hour. I was so incredibly thankful; worked hard at it and was able to start paying some of the bills that were accruing on my credit cards for the lawyer fees from the lawyer I had for the first 5 months, and having paid the rent on my apartment and a good amount of our living expenses on the cc's during those first few months.
I did not early on, have any sort of 'plan of attack' --- I just wanted to follow through with my decision to get the divorce, knowing it was the best for the kids and I. But he had lots of forthought put into everything from him, his (now ) three lawyers and his family of course. There is always, always two sides to a story when a marriage doesn't make it...but I still, emotionally, cannot figure out or grasp why, IF I was never 'good enough', or couldn't 'change enough' to make him happy..why all this? Why not just 'get rid or me' or 'let me go'?
His parents helped him basically make any assets we had disappear. His paychecks from the month that we went to 50-50 custody were made to reflect an hourly wage of $7 ph. If we count what he was supposed to pay during the first 5 months under the stipulation agreement and didn't, as well as how little he has paid since the lower amount was set by the court, ($9,300. + $5,600.) he is somewhere around $14k behind. If only the amount he was supposed to pay since the 50-50 custody began is counted ($1300. mo), he has paid some, but is behind by my records and receipts over $5,000.) He currently has an appeal set to get the amount changed, to have the arrearage cancelled and to get me assigned to pay him child support.
It might be therapeutic for me to write all that out and see in black and white what has transpired...but it isn't. I am dealing with the daily practicalities the best I can, and I hope since I am out of work now that I can actually get some legal assistance from the county. However, I know that he is going to continue this. It is the way he intends to 'win' the children. And I have had to admit some of this is just out of my control. No, I won't give 'up' but the children being taken care of is the most important to the court and he is slowly but surely showing them, whether anyone - me, the court system etc, thinks its fair or nice, that he and his family CAN take care of them, and I cannot.
The amount of welfare and food stamps which we will be allotted if I get approved is not enough to pay rent with, really, honestly no matter where I look in the least expensive towns near here.
I am at a loss of how to come up with a deposit to move anyhow. I have so far been prevented from getting childcare because the temp orders for joint legal/joint physical do say he has to agree in writing with the care/provider and he won't. Sure, when we go to the next hearing and the judge finds that out, it is another thing which will 'look' bad for his case, but it isn't a deal breaker probably. Nothing so far has been. It is amply obvious to most of the world that he is a controller and that is what most of all this is about to him. I guess the judges/court expect that parents in a custody battle are going to wage 'war' on the basis of planning to 'win'- otherwise they would come up with a way to settle the custody and parenting issues between themselves. I know the court is supposed to be about making choices best for the children when they are forced to decide in a custody case; but I just don't see how making things in the temp orders between parents who are obviously high conflict or where one spouse has a much, much larger means to create havoc financially -- how is that in the best interest of the children? I guess that is yet more questions I really probably am not ever going to get answers to.
I will keep having hope, keep finding things to be thankful for with my children, but really I don't know whats going to happen past this day, let alone be able to plan anything for the future. This community of moms and dads are amazing in the support and compassion that is shown. Thanks so very much, Peace, Annah
(((((hugs for you and your kids))))))
I've been following your situation with admiration for you and horror for what your stbx has put you through. I hope it gets better, but when you're dealing with someone like that, you can only wish that he gets what he deserves eventually.
This thread puts my situation in perspective.
I get 23% of stbx's net income. It varies from $400-$600 a month. I count on every penny because I need that money to help pay my bills. He's often late and has bounced the check once and although he's supposed to pay 1/2 of any extra expenses, he will often drag his feet so long that I start to forget if the check ever arrived or if he still owes it.
Melanie
Sending hugs to you and yours...
As for me, I am supposed to get $500/month for our one child. By the time we went to court for the divorce in April, 2004, he was all ready $1500 in arrears as he agreed to start paying in February of that year... apparently he didn't really think he had to or something... The judge signed an order (in April, 2004) saying that he was to pay 650/month until the arrears had been caught up... Since I had had such troubles getting him to pay, I filed for full child support enforcement in June, 2004. But, since he is in another state (LA), which has recently been decimated by Katrina (he is in the City of New Orleans), LA is the enforcing state, which means, even though he is horribly behind, until they get their stuff back together, there is little to nothing I can do, according to my state's district attorney's office, through which my child support enforcement case is being handled. I may have gotten a total of $2000 from him over the past two years and he is now in arrears for more than $10K.
How do I do it? Joey and I live with my mom. My mom and I have always gotten along very well and she got my parents house when they divorced... it is too big for her by herself and she asked us to move in... It is a Godsend, because I do have her to help me out with Joey... typically one of us takes him to school, the other picks up... she can watch him when I have to travel (infrequently, but it happens) for work... I would not be able to do it without her without more outside assistance.
Julie
hats off to you - for being a great mother and a responsible adult. I raised my son (now 19) on my own. i got very little CS from my ex (we live in a different country and its very difficutl to get the CS thru the courts). my ex also stopped visiting his son at a very early age.
right now, i am in a very difficult financial situation because i was married a second time and that cost me a lot to get out of that . long story.
is there any way that you can go back to school - do something where you could make more money down the line? that is what i am finally doing. i went back to school last year - and its VERY difficult here. i have to make up the time at work which means coming in on days that the office is closed etc. but i am doing this because i view it as a long term investment. for years i just took whatever jobs i could take that worked out in terms of hours.
one question - why are you picking up your dd? why isn't your ex
That is what our divorce and custody papers read.
Our papers STATE alot of things but as long as we get along we can do whatever works out for the both of us. HOWEVER, he won't. We have too much anger at each other. Which I am trying to get past.
So he picks up our DD for his weekday visiting times and drops her off (if he keeps it but so far he has been ditching her). When it is his weekend he comes and gets her and I have to pick her up from him. I live in Michigan and sometimes the snowy roads scare me with my DD. I don't give a darn about me and the roads but being with her on snowy roads at that time of night 6 p.m. and I have to drive an hour home. He doesn't care.
But I just do it and I don't ASK him for anything because he makes a BIG issue out of it.
Good luck to you also.
I will be attempting to get a 3rd job in the Spring maybe. I am a medical transcriptionist also and a physician I work for is going to be o9pening her own private office and asked if I could do her transcription for her and I can do it from home and she wouldn't have to pay my health benefits. Can earn more money and be at home a little more with my DD or do it while she is sleeping and still earn money.
I just see that my DD deserves everything (not spoiling her) but deserves a full fridge and fresh clean clothes and heat without ever having to know "how is mommy going to pay for food..." Although she has never seen this ever!!! And she never will.
Thanks for your post
My H makes $18/hr - or is it $15? I forget, i think its $15. & he is supposed to pay $80/wk for our 1 child. He is 1K in arrears (the CS order has only been IN for 8 motnhs, he paid nothing the 1st 3 months of seperation) & so he has paid about 60% of what he was supposed to this year. Luckily for me that at settlement, since i have to pay him out (well, THATS not lucky!!! lol), what he owes me will be deducted. & he is going to FREAK b/c he doenst know yet his pay is getting attatched.
Im ok b/c i make pretty good money & i also have a small inheritance from my mom that has been a lifesaver. So for now I am ok. But a year or 2 down the road I will need what he is supposed to be paying.
& i am really sorry for your situation. It sucks. R~
HAHAHA... "Supposed to" is a funny word for me. My STBX was making 120K a year when we split up. He didn't and wouldn't give me a penny until "they made him". In the 6 weeks it took to get a pendente lite hearing, I got NOTHING, and his salary miraculously dropped to 60K, so I was ordered $253.00 a week for our two kids... had a hearing scheduled for alimony/maintenance, which should have been close to $200.00 a week also. Well, before that happened, @$$ quit/lost/left(?) his job, and was working factory job making $12.00 an hour... in the meantime, I found a job(after being a SAHM for 10 years) making MORE than him, so, my income now gets to be incorporated in what he "has" to pay... and it's down to a measly $125.00 a week... and alimony is out of the question, because of his crappy job/income. He is working an underthetable cash job that I have 4 witnesses and a PI who have statments regarding when they have seen him working, so I'm hoping one of two things, not sure which I want more now... Either, they hold him accountable for C/S on a higher income since he 1) made it before, and 2) is obviously CAPABLE and WILLING to work 2 full time jobs(just doesn't think *I* am entitled to more than the crappy $125.00 a week... or, what I really hope happens, is they get him for frauding his kids, the IRS, and throw his @$$ in jail for a while... I will HAPPILY do without the $125.00 a week, for his @$$ to rot in jail for a while for screwing his kids out of what THEY are entitled to.
The cruddy 125.00 is garnished, so I do get it, but at this point, the state has fallen about 3 weeks behind, but *he* is paying it, because he has no choice.
Not a red cent!
It feels quite unfair to me, too, since he earns over twice what I do. I probably could have been earning a great deal more, also, if I had not been a SAHM. But I do feel grateful that I can earn at a good-enough level, that I do not really NEED anything from him to provide an adequate home for my kids. I did give up a great deal financially and materially to be free of him. Huge price. Now he is using his money to manipulate our children--so it's not only the under-employed who cause problems.
I am so sorry you find yourself in financial dilemmas due to your ex's irresponsibility. I hope he turns it around. Just wanted to send you some sympathy!
My personal situation is a 50/50 custody. He carries their insurance through his company but they pay for his dependant coverage as a "perk", so it doesn't cost him anything. We each pay for kids while they're with us, and divide some of the other expenses. He pays X dollars for clothing expenses each year--I shop with the kids and he reimburses, because he loathes to shop. I pay for day care (one kid still needing after school care), he pays for most of the extracurricular activity fees. He ends up spending more than I do over the course of time. As we went through the divorce/custody fight, his comment was that he'd "rather burn $$ than write HER a check". Well, he got his wish, since our divorce and custody battle cost almost as much as what we paid for our first home! What a waste!
Good for you for being financially responsible and you're not whining at all to vent about him not doing his part. It really isn't fair, but you can't change that. It's not easy to live with being taken advantage of . Good luck to you and I hope your situation improves.
Cupcake