How much longer?
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How much longer?
| Mon, 09-05-2005 - 10:58pm |
Why do I still want him back? I find myself wanting to go over to his place. I am so lonely. The prospect of dating scares me to death. I had a friend offer to set me up and I panicked. How long am I going to be this scared to go on with my life? I spoke to my ex on the phone tonight. I know I shouldn't have called him, but I did. I made up some excuse just to hear his voice. He invited me over. I knew I couldn't go. With the mind frame I am in tonight I would have ended up in bed with him. Oh, to feel his skin next to mine again. The thought makes my heart skip a beat. He came by last week to bring me the expense check. The look of lust in his eyes, I can still see it tonight. He still wants me. He just doesn't love me. I miss him. Even if he came to me tomorrow and wanted to come home, how would I ever trust him? How do I find the direction in my life to move away from him? Because of the boys he will always be around. How do I keep from driving myself crazier than I already am? He didn't cheat on me. He just left me. I want to go on without him. I want to be happy. I want to see what the future has to hold. Am I going to be alone forever? What if no one ever asks me out? I have been in love twice in my life and screwed it up both times. What are the chances of it happening again? Sorry to whine. I needed to vent so I wouldn't go over to his place.
Hugs, Brenda
Hugs, Brenda

Hugs,Brenda
Hugs, Brenda