how often do you talk to your stbx
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| Tue, 06-26-2007 - 12:01pm |
mine calls me daily. but get this:
he calls me at 8 pm on a saturday night, or 11 pm on a friday night.
do you think he is checking up on me or what? why do men do this? what part of we are getting a divorce and i now have a life without you doesn't he understand?
he called me again last night at 10:40 pm. i didn't answer the phone. i am freaking tired. i get up before 6 am, get my son off to summer school, walk the dogs, go to work, come home, get dinner, tend to everyones needs but mine and he calls me drunk at 10:40 and wants to talk? WTF???
when we were married and i wanted to talk, he was either in TV land or drunk, or sleeping on the couch. we never had conversations, at least for the last 5 years of our marriage.
i want to tell him to stop, but he is rather abusive verbally and quite honestly, i don't have the energy anymore.
any suggestions on how to get this to stop? oh and btw: if i tell him not to call me, he will tell the kids how mean i am to him. :-/
what
Edited 6/26/2007 12:03 pm ET by whatabadidea

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No ideas, I confess.
I just wanted to say "me too" on the no conversations ... geesh, mine never wants to talk unless it is about him. Too tired, needs to "work", needs "downtime." So ended our marriage -- no relationship there because he couldn't make the effort.
Even in counseling ... just a lump on a log.
Geesh, I am gonna be so glad to stop dragging that log with its lump around.
Sorry for the digression. Don't know what to say except keep doing what your are--not answer and turning the cell phone off. Sorry to hear he is drinking that much again; thought he had slowed down a bit when he got a job.
Hugs to you!
M
he mailed me an "i love you card" today. i wanted to vomit when i opened it.
i hate him.
Hi, well it sounds like someone who can't take a hint. What is so sad about this is that he is getting the kids involved when he feels like venting. One solution is that you can unhook the phone before you go to bed and this way you can get the uninterrupted sleep you deserve. Also, i am not sure how old your kids are, but when he calls during reasonable hours, you can have the kids answer so they can speak and hang up once they're done. There is no need to be calling you and bothering you everyday. If that all doesn't work, keep him from calling by having the kids call him once during the day, this way he has no excuse to call you at all.
Good luck, looks like you have a "fatal attraction" in your hands.
Mine calls every night to talk to the girls, but he sometimes calls me during the day to chat, too. I think he thinks we're friends or something. We have an amicable relationship, but I think he's a royal butthole for what he did to me and our family.
Anyhoo... I just wouldn't answer the phone (or better yet, turn the ringer off after a certain time, so you don't get mad everytime you hear the phone ring.) If he says anything, tell him 9pm (or whenever) is bedtime at your house & the phone goes off. If he wants to bad mouth you to your ds, so be it. IMO any parent who talks trash about the other parent to their child isn't a very good parent. Your ds will soon learn who's the mean one.
Old habits die hard, so it's hard for me not to answer the phone, but if he calls & we're busy, I let it ring and call him back when it's more convenient. I told him that when he left he lost the right to have be at his beck & call (he's a control freak). I always make sure the girls get to talk to him before bed, but it'll be at a time that's convenient for us, not him. I also don't hesitate to hang up if he's being a jerk. I don't have time for that.
Ohh girl...I so feel your pain! As my counselor said to me just yesterday...either sit him down and tell him point blank that you don't want to talk to him unless it has to do with the kids. If it doesn't work or you don't feel comfortable with it, than screen your calls. She warned me against using the kids to buffer every conversation. For example, X called yesterday to tell me that he was having a bad day. (SO? Like I care?) I immediately said ok and put my daughter on the phone. Now my kids are just shy of 4 years old so they don't understand anything, but the counselor said that I don't want to teach them that it is their responsibility to cheer him up or deal with his bad day at work. And that is because they don't know any better. I've told him a hundred times that our conversations need to be about the kids, finances, house and that's it. I'm not his friend anymore and I'm not his wife. He needs to call his girlfriends, friends, parents...anyone but me. It's like talking to a wall, so I understand. I'm sorry that he has the propensity for verbal aggression, but you know that you are doing nothing wrong. You deserve a life, not the head games he is trying to play with you. Best of luck, and (((hugs))) to you.
Karie
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v151/emmaharvey/siggys/karie1copy.jpg
thanks all for the replies
he's not a bad guy, just a drunk who doesn't like to go to work. i hope he finds someone to help pass his time so he stops focusing on me.
i am going to have to find a way to address this situation.
is email to impersonal??
When I have the kids.... if EX calls, no matter what time of day or night... if it's not a good or appropriate time for me, I don't answer.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
In my opinion, e-mail is fine. Especially if you've already tried to have this discussion with him in person or on the phone or if you know the conversation will become nasty. You can get the same point across, IMO.
Karie
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v151/emmaharvey/siggys/karie1copy.jpg
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