how often do you talk to your stbx

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
how often do you talk to your stbx
21
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 12:01pm

mine calls me daily. but get this:

he calls me at 8 pm on a saturday night, or 11 pm on a friday night.

do you think he is checking up on me or what? why do men do this? what part of we are getting a divorce and i now have a life without you doesn't he understand?

he called me again last night at 10:40 pm. i didn't answer the phone. i am freaking tired. i get up before 6 am, get my son off to summer school, walk the dogs, go to work, come home, get dinner, tend to everyones needs but mine and he calls me drunk at 10:40 and wants to talk? WTF???

when we were married and i wanted to talk, he was either in TV land or drunk, or sleeping on the couch. we never had conversations, at least for the last 5 years of our marriage.

i want to tell him to stop, but he is rather abusive verbally and quite honestly, i don't have the energy anymore.

any suggestions on how to get this to stop? oh and btw: if i tell him not to call me, he will tell the kids how mean i am to him. :-/

what




Edited 6/26/2007 12:03 pm ET by whatabadidea
what
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 3:14pm

he does ask my kids where i am. they hate it. my daughter cries (she is 10). its probably wrong of me, but if he calls their cell when i am not at home, they should not answer. if they do answer, they are under my direction to tell him that if he wants to speak to me, he can call me on my cell. that is probably putting them in the middle, and i've asked him to stop doing that to them but he continues.

<<>>

yes, he knows i had an A, prior to our separation and upcoming d. he calls me a Wh*re, blames me, but yet, ironically, he accepts no responsibility for losing job after job because hes a drunk and forced us into bankruptcy and foreclosure on our home. i'm not incinuating that i am an innocent victim, as it took two to screw up this marriage, but come on, man up and accept a little responsibility.

hes such an @$$




Edited 6/27/2007 3:17 pm ET by whatabadidea
what
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 4:16pm

Yes, email is impersonal. I think that's a good thing. Being impersonal for a while may send the message that you are detaching from him.

My STBX is complaining because I told him I want all communication via email for a while- until he calms down, but I didn't say that part. He's complaining about it and still calls. I'm going to have to get caller ID to avoid the calls. What a pain.

Hang in there. Some day he'll find something (or someone) else to obsess over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 10:06pm

he called me again tonight at 8:30. i gotta put an end to this in the morning. i will post an update.

christine

what
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2007
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 6:01am

What,

Write him an email and let him know that using the phone to verbally harrass someone is ilegal(anti-stalking laws). Tell him you will report futher calls to the police and the telephone company. If he is threatening you over the phone, go to court and get a no contact restraining order.

Hope this helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 6:44pm
You have every right letting your kids know they can redirect your stbx's questions & comments to you. My Mom did the same thing to my sister & I when we where kids. After a while we became teenagers and were more capable of handeling ourselves with questions, but before that it just hurt. My kids are just 4 this past May, 3 in Sept. & 2 in Sept. So they don't even care. they're so much happier with their father gone. They don't even ask for him. My oldest knows he's gone cause he's mean to mommy, but my other 2 don't even notice. When he was here he would start drinking the moment he stepped foot in the door, and never paid attention to them. So really not much has changed. Everything is more relaxed now without the tenion of him being around. Cause I never had an A but I was called a sl@t and a w#@re every nite practicly and they heard that. What drives me crazy about the "checking in " phone calls is that I had to walk on egg shells with him here and now I feel like I still have to so he doesn't explode. It's so frustrating.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2007
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 8:31pm
I guess since you have kids with him, you can't tell him not to call. You can tell him not to call after a certain hour or when he's drunk. That's all I got.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 9:03pm

you know what lily

i have sole custody of these children. he has nothing, legally at least. i don't owe him an explanation, or anything. he's damn lucky i allow him to have visitation yet allow carte blanche in contacting any of us. i am way too nice to him

what

what
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Sun, 07-01-2007 - 6:04pm

so, i told stbx tonight that we should sit down with the kids and tell them that there isn't a snowball chance in hell that dad and i are getting back together. AGAIN!!

i also told stbx to limit his calls. what did i get??

4 more calls which i rolled to vm, one of which called me a Wh*re, another that said to give him my new salary so he can decrease his support. what a f*cking a$$hole.

i hope he rots in hell.

what

what
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2007
Sun, 07-01-2007 - 6:25pm
OMG, sounds like my x as of June 15 my divorce was final after 2 years. Some nights he will call 4 or 5 times, and always drunk. I quit answering the phone and let it go to voice mail. I don't need the verbal abuse anymore. For some weird reason I actually thought when he called that maybe we could TALK like adults, boy was I out in left field. We couldn't talk when we were married! And nothing has changed. Once I figured that out I choose when I talk to him. If it gets abusive, I hang up. I only call him when it involves the kids. He calls not about the kids, but more to belittle and berate me. I have a choice now and I don't have to listen to it anymore! I know my x bad mouths me to the kids all the time, and I try not too, not saying that I don't, but I am getting much better at biting my tongue. They don't need to hear that crap. They will soon figure out who is screwed up and who isn't.
The latest my x is accusing me of is sleeping with my lawyer. My lawyer is a good man, happily married and quite frankly not my type. But let alone, after getting out of this relationship it will be a long time before I ever get involved again. Of course I was accused of screwing around during our whole marriage, which I never did. I was never looking, no matter how bad it got at home. Why would I want another jerk in my life? Plus who has the time, working full-time, taking care of 2 kids, keeping the house running while he sat on his ass and drank beer from the moment he got home from work till he passed out.
Just quit talking to him. Who cares if he tells your kids you are being mean? They will figure it out. You are not being mean, just trying to keep your sanity.
GL
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 07-01-2007 - 7:35pm
what, I went through similar insanity with the ex. If he leaves messages like that on your phone, march right down to the police department and file a harassment complaint. Every time. After a few of those, you should have no problem getting a restraining order. If he continues to call you too frequently and harass you, he'll go to jail. If he wants to complain about how mean you are to the kids, simply explain that what their dad is doing is illegal, and when you break the law, there are consequences to pay.