How soon is too soon to date?
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| Sun, 03-20-2005 - 3:40pm |
DH and I have had problems all throughout our almost 2 year marriage. I look back and realize that I knew it would never work, and that we shouldn't have gotten married in the first place.
We've seperated a few times, and had some really unhealthy fights. But we just finally officially seperated last week, but he still has yet to get all of his things out of the house. Next month I am even moving to a new apartment, so it truly is over.
The thing is, I feel like it's been over for so long now, and I'm ready to date. I've put up a profile on a dating website, and have had a few e-mails.
Is this wrong? Is it too soon, and should I be mourning the loss of my marriage? Don't get me wrong, I do still love him, and miss him, but when you realize that it's really over, it frees you to begin your new life. And I feel like I'm ready. Not to mention that thinking this way helps me when I start getting depressed and missing him and our life together.
What do you think?

My first inclination from your post is that you've been in an unhealthy relationship and you might need to do some work to find out why you chose this man and this relationship. You need to get yourself to a healthy place before you can find a healthy person and have healthy relationship. For me, the only way to do that was through therapy (I didn't want to take years figuring it out on my own, and more importantly, I didn't want to get it wrong a second time).
It is very common to use dating as a way of not getting depressed and not feeling so alone. That is why most first relationships after a divorce, separation or breakup are rebound relationships. My only warning is that you need to find a way to be okay with benig alone, and spend time taking care of yourself and getting your life in order without help from another man. If you find yourself complaining about the divorce process to your dates, or involving a new man in your daily life decision (should I move, should I get a new job, buy a new car, etc.) then you are not ready. Starting your life over after a divorce is your responsibility and it's better if you do it on your own.
You can also use going to the gym, reading, volunteering, etc. as ways of not being alone. Dating is fine too, but don't let that be your only new activity.