how to survive summer visitation?
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how to survive summer visitation?
| Thu, 07-19-2007 - 7:41am |
How do you make it through these long two weeks of summer visitation? The hardest thing ever was to watch that baby walk away with the XH. Long story short he decided he wanted to be a daddy after the divorce and standard visitation was started. This is my grandchild and my daughter is trying so very hard to be strong after all that she has been through. She calls every day to check on the baby but the XH will only answer sometimes. This has got to be so hard on this baby not old enough to understand what is going on. Will this child be the same when it comes home or will the trauma of being taken from the mother for these two weeks effect the way this child acts. This was a BF baby until she was given a date by the court to stop and have the baby ready to go. Any advice would be helpful as she is only a few days into the two weeks.

I know this sound harsh, but she can't call everyday cause that will actually make it worse , both for the child and
Hey there... I'm not sure how I would've felt if my children were infants, BUT.... I know that when my kids are with their dad, they are safe.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Thank you for the reply. These 2 weeks have been so hard on everyone. He is only a baby and I know he will make it through these days alright but it is almost over now. I guess everyone thinks because I am the grandparent maybe it shouldn't be as hard on me (my daughter works and gets alot of support from friends) I have always been a SAHM and I keep the baby while she works. It is hard him being away. I was told this was a good place to come for support or to just get it all out. It can get pretty lonely when I am trying hard to be strong for her and the baby.
Thanks
nana
Sure!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
My kids were 5 & 6 the first time they went to their father's for summer break, FOR SEVEN WEEKS. It was very hard. Very hard. And now that they are 13 & 14, it's still hard. I think two weeks away from the primary caretaker when the child is a baby is very aggressive visitation.
I've never kicked up my heels and enjoyed the time when the kids were away. It has gotten so that I don't think about it every minute when they are away, but I don't enjoy it, even a little.
Big hugs to you and your daughter. We all get through it, somehow.
Cat
Mom to 5: DS-17, DD-16, DD-11, DD-9, DS-7
I have to agree w/the poster about the traumatic aspect of things - it's all how we look at it & if we are upset, traumatized etc. then so will be the child...if it is a baby, then of course it will be aware that something is different, but baby's aren't truly aware & I can imagine have a hard time telling one caregiver from another. And the fact is, that the child does have two parents - it's a shame that it took so long for him to step up to the plate, but now that he has - it's a good thing. A child needs two parents & as much love as it can possibly get.
When we base our identity & life around a particular bond or attachment, I don't consider it necessarily healthy for the child or the parent.
I'm not saying that it's easy being away from your kids - mine are young & are w/their dad every other wk - by the fourth day, it starts to get to me a little...however I had a life before them & will have one after - they are human beings, not possessions & the important part is that their physical needs are being met & they are being loved.
And this is the perfect place to come for support, feedback & a different perspective...keep it up!! :)
Laurel
I guess if any good comes from these two weeks it would be that the father would figure out that this child needs love and support and not do the things he does for spite. He is a very selfish person and maybe he will grow to love this baby. The first week was the hardest but I have tried to keep very busy and these last few days have gone by a little quicker. Thank you all for your support, after all we only have 18 more years to go.
nana
Yes sometimes the love for a child can definitely change people for the better and allows them to grow up & see the bigger picture in life. Good luck & don't spoil the child too much when you get him back ;)
Laurel :)