How were the holidays?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
How were the holidays?
12
Mon, 12-29-2008 - 10:57am

How did everyone cope on the holidays?

I actually worked 1/2 day on Christmas eve. Since my kids weren't home, I did some baking, went to church and watched TV (the show about the family with 18 kids--that fascinates me). Christmas Day I went to my mother's and then we went to my cousin's for dessert, so that was nice. At night, I did end up going to my STBX's friend's house for a while after they had eaten. There weren't as many people there as usual--the "kids" are now all over 18. My STBX's DD was invited but didn't show up. I don't know what is going on w/ her. I was glad that he had a place to go for dinner so he wouldn't be alone. The funny thing is that most of the guests there were his brother's exW, her kids & her brother & sister. (The brother & his new wife now live out of state.) My STBX can't stand her, I'm sure she was the last person he wanted to eat Christmas dinner with.

Then on Sat. I was also invited to my 1st exH's family Christmas party. He asked me to go and then his brother (who was hosting it) also called me, so I went. That was a little strange since it was only the immediate family, so my ex was there with both current & ex wives. I guess it doesn't bother her. I do get along very well w/ his brothers & sisters so I don't feel funny being around them. We got divorced about 12 yrs ago anyway.

So I guess I am done w/ parties for now. Since I don't have any expectations for New Year's Eve, other than watching the ball drop on TV w/ 13 yr old son, it won't bother me to stay home. When I was w/ my STBX it's not like we did anything fun anyway.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 12-29-2008 - 7:53pm

Hi music....I spent most of Christmas Eve with my sons.

TanZa2920
Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-29-2008 - 8:03pm

Mine wasn't too great.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2003
Tue, 12-30-2008 - 10:58am

Hi Music,


You must be the best ex-wife ever to get invited to the exe's families! ;c)


STBX and I seperated right at the start of the holiday season......a week before Halloween.

Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 12-30-2008 - 10:59am
Since you don't have kids together, that is one big issue that you don't have to deal with and since you both work, I assume that neither one of you will be paying alimony. If you can work it out that you each keep the houses you are living in now (assuming there are no joint mortgage obligations), that seems very sensible to me. I wish I was in the position to be able to buy out STBX's interest in my house but I don't have that much money right now. I couldn't qualify for that amount of mortgage on my own. I appreciate the fact that STBX said he would wait til DS graduated from h.s. before asking for the money. Honestly, I looked at our financial statements and I have enough to pay my bills with some left over every week and if his expenses are correct, his expenses are $100 more a week than his pay and that was before his o.t. was cut (maybe that will go back up, but the boss cut everyone's hours by closing the store one hour earlier rather than have to lay anyone off). I felt bad, but honestly, he could have gotten an apt. that was $900 a month, instead he got an apt. that is $1200 a month so he could live in a big complex that has a pool that he will never use. So his mismanagement of money really isn't my problem is it? It's funny that now I have more money that I did when we were living together! But enough about me, lol. Seriously if you can do an uncontested & save money, that's the way to go. Do you think he will be at all surprised when you mention divorce, or will he expect it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 12-30-2008 - 11:05am

I am wondering what it will be like when the kids grow up. Hopefully they won't move far away. DS told me that his dad mentioned something about taking early retirement (after DS graduates from either h.s. or college, I can't remember which) and moving to Fla. (we live near Boston now) and DS said "I don't want dad to move to Fla. How will I visit him?" Of course DS can't see that when he grows up, he might not even live in the same state, but he probably will cause he's not the adventurous type.

I have one legacy from STBX's dog & cat (I am not someone who ever wanted pets)--I will probably have to get the living room carpet replaced cause the cat used to go in the corner & use it like a scratching post! Oh, I need so much work done in the house, I can't even stand it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 12-30-2008 - 4:22pm

It is so funny that you mention that you have more money now then when you were together.

TanZa2920
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 12-30-2008 - 4:53pm

If STBX just ignored my kids, that would have been an improvement. Actually, he was pretty nice to DS, who was just 7 when we got married. At first DS did like STBX, because they would do stuff together like practice karate. STBX is pretty good w/ little kids. I'm sure when his DD was little, he did a lot of things w/ her & her cousin the same age. It's when kids get to be teenagers and get a mind of their own that he can't stand it. I'm sure it bothered him that he knew right from the start that DD didn't like him (she was 14 when we got married, not a good age for change). I was always reprimanding her to at least be nice to him, to say hi when she came in, stuff like that. After a while, though, his behavior was so bad that I couldn't ask my kids to give him any more chances. Even though my DD never liked his DD either, she felt sorry for the way he treated her. I mean, can you imagine yelling at your child and calling her "You little sh--?" I just do not talk to my kids that way. Sure I have yelled at them and done things I was sorry for, but I would apologize later if I went overboard and we would always work things out. He was so insensitive that his DD could be sitting there crying while he was yelling at her and he would just keep at it. Then when he was yelling and verbally abusing me, my DS just couldn't stand that. Both my mother & I were afraid that if my DS got to be a teenager and got bigger (my ex is 6'1", but I doubt DS will be that tall), he would intervene and there would be some physical fight between them. I just had to avoid that. I don't want to beat myself up about this too much because there's nothing I can do about it now but I really would give advice to people w/ kids contemplating a 2nd marriage--make sure the kids and the future stepparents really like each other and everybody is on board and happy that the marriage is going to take place. There are enough problems even with that, but if you don't have that, forget it! DS is in 7th grade now and I really wouldn't consider moving another guy in, not that I think it's going to be a possibility even to get another BF, but if I did, I would probably wait at least until he was in college, or maybe even after they were both out of college. If there are just 2 of you and the kids are only visiting, then it's one thing. It's just very hard to blend the families. Well, better luck to us next year.

Liz

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 12-30-2008 - 6:03pm

Liz,


I'm with you regarding giving advice to people thinking about entering into a second marriage with kids.

TanZa2920
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2008
Wed, 12-31-2008 - 8:50am

My Christmas was okay.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2008
Wed, 12-31-2008 - 9:08pm

Well my holidays were pretty crappy.


My wife and I are following the schedule in our soon to be signed separation agreement.

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