how / when to start dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
how / when to start dating
5
Sat, 06-10-2006 - 10:10pm

It's only been 13 days since H left our 5 month old dd and I. He moved in w/ his ex that he ran into 3 weeks before he asked for a divorce. We have only been married for 6 months, but we were together for 2 1/2 years and engaged for 6 months before we were pregnant.

I'm still in love w/ him and am very busy w/ and dedicated to my baby girl. But, I can't stand being alone all the time. I'm going to be in love w/ him for a long time yet, so how do I know when to start dating again? I don't want to lead someone on, but I don't want to be alone forever either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sat, 06-10-2006 - 11:08pm
I know your fear of being alone. It's been nearly 16months of me and I have still not had a date. I am afraid no one is ever going to ask. I don't know that I am ready to date anyway. I am still in love with my ex husband. I figure I will know when I am ready. Remember right now to take care of you. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2006
Sat, 06-10-2006 - 11:35pm
hi my stbex moved out feb 18am also lonely put
i know am not at all ready to start any dating
and i love being single for the fist time
am going to church to meet new friends
you need time to heal give your sife time
savyhappy
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 5:59am

i think that a very important decision i made for me was that it is ok to be alone for a while (however long that 'while' will last). there is a lot of pressure on us to be 'with someone' and i stopped and thought: i don't want to be with someone righ tnow. its not that i NEVER want to, its not that i would mind having a little fling (i wouldn't....), but what i need to do right now is take care of myself, and my child. if i bring a bf into the equation, then i will just be right back where i was before and i don't want that. and trust me ---- i have NO feelings of love toward my ex (never did....)

one of the biggest mistakes that i made was to start looking for husband number two after i got divorced - i was DESPARATE to remarry because i felt that something was 'wrong' with me because i was not married. dumb, i know,but there are the social and family pressures. i felt that being 'with someone' would prove to me and the world that *I* was ok. so i remarried a few years after i got divorced and it was a HUGE mistake from day one. the marriage was difficult for me and for my son - it would have been better had i done THEN what i am doing NOW (going to school and taking care of me and my son)...

this doesn't mean that you shouldn't go out. you can meet people (not just men), and do things that you want to do, maybe find some new hobby or volunteer work, you can go out and do stuff - just not in a romantic coupledom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 8:27am
You shouldn't date until you no longer feel in love with your husband. You shouldn't date until you are ok with not dating and being alone. You shouldn't date until you understand your part in this break up (even if your part is just in your choice of mate). Until you understand all of the previous you are at high risk for a bad choice and at risk for trying to make something serious out of what should just be a fling. Of course this is just my opinion so take what you want!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 8:33am

You can certainly go out and meet new people, and have some casual fun. I think many of us experience a turning point within ourselves when we feel it's OK to go out there and venture back into dating again. Give yourself some more time to heal, and re-evaluate the situation when your emotions are a little less raw.




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