How will I walk into the courthouse?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2007
How will I walk into the courthouse?
1
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 7:55pm

Hi,

I haven't been on this board in a few months. I regret having to come back.

Today my husband and I got into a horrible fight about the divorce he "needs" and I do not want. When he called to apologize afterwards, we talked for an hour. He said he feels as if there's just been too much pain and betrayal between us, and that he cannot stand looking at me, being leashed by me, and having his every move watched. He said he knows that this is new and painful to me, but that he's not loved me romantically for 2 years now.

Then he said he hopes we can re-build a friendship and remain business partners, and that he hopes we can re-build trust and respect between us after we start fresh. When I told him I realize I just need to give up, he told me to never give up, that he wants me to see how I feel after the divorce, and if once I have my own life and my own happiness, I still feel something for him, that I should work to regain his affections. (Notice he said I should work on regaining his, even though he is the one in another relationship--with my former close friend/assistant.) Then he said that we do not know what will happen in the future, but that he wants us to leave the past in the past and focus on the future.

Despite all the pain and trauma he's put me through, I do still love him. I am absolutely devastated, and I do not know how I will walk into that courthouse tomorrow to file for divorce. I feel like we have simply been in a coma--that we're not dead--but that I am being forced to turn off the life support. This feels every bit as bad as a death, maybe worse, because he's making the choice to leave here after 10 years.

Thanks for listening.

Maitri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 04-07-2008 - 12:13pm
It sounds like to me he wants the best of it all.... but you don't have to give it to him... sure, you can work to regain his affections.... but what's he willing to invest to make you want to do that?.... his offered words are pretty shallow if you ask me... and YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~