hurt!!! Confused!!!! Divorce?!?!?! HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2008
hurt!!! Confused!!!! Divorce?!?!?! HELP!
4
Sun, 06-01-2008 - 11:07pm

I left my husband and moved out December 2007 due to him becoming mentally/emotionally abusive everyday (sometimes several times a day) and physically abusive every so often when I didn't comply with what he wanted at that time. My husband's cousin's car showed up outside e my apt one day and I thought it was him. So I filed a restraining order against him (which started out being a temporary restraining order) and come to find out it was not him, it was his cousin and she was there bringing her oldest son to a neighbor's house to get his stuff (her son is friends with them)(those neighbors no longer live here). The judge asked him if he did hit me and my husband told the judge he did but that I dramatized everything. The judge told him that I obviously did not want contact with him and that he was gonna extend the restraining order for 6 months. However, I left just to separate to try to get him to seek counseling. Before I left I asked him to go to counseling and he told me "he would go if I paid for it"...So I worked with my work help line and the help line was going to help pay for the counseling sessions. So I called him back (this is before the restraining order) and told him I found a way through work to pay for counseling and he told me that he would not go to counseling cuz he was not gonna air out his dirty laundry in front of a stranger." So, then a few weeks later is when his cousin's car showed up and it really scared me. It meant that he knew where I was living at and such. I honestly believe he wouldn't deliberately come after me but he has some friends that don't care for me and him and his friends would get together every so often to have some alcohol drinks. I was scared if they convinced him or if he got drunk enough, maybe he might come after me. So I got the restraining order. My husband filed for divorce. My heart is broken into a million pieces. We have dated for 5 years and have been married for 2 years (3 years will be on July 2, 2008). The abuse started after we got married. I still Love Him With ALL My Heart and want our marriage to work. This separation and now divorce proceedings are tearing me up. I am trying to move about each day but some days it is so hard. My husband and Myself have separate accounts on myspace. My best friend (who was a bridesmaid at my wedding and knows us both) is still a friend on his and on my myspace site. She called me approx. 3-5 days ago and told me Jared (my husband) had entered a new mood on his myspace and it showed depressed and below the depressed mood it stated "depressed and forgotten". I'm not sure if he was talking about me or about another girl (which I know of (her name and such) through work) that he had gone out on 1 date with. I am so lost and depressed and heartbroken. I just don't know what to do. I don't want the divorce (I want it to work between us but also for him to seek counseling cuz I don't want to go back to the abuse) but at the same time if he really wants the divorce, Then I will not stand in his way. I just don't know what to do??? Please can you help guide me??? Thanks for helping the confused one,


Pebbles85074

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 06-02-2008 - 3:36pm

I would suggest that you use your employee assistance program to get some indiv. counselling to see why you would want to be w/ someone who emotionally & physically abused you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2008
Mon, 06-02-2008 - 7:21pm

In a way it does feel like a burden as been lifted since I don't have to walk on eggshells around him anymore however it also feels like a huge burden because of finances and feeling sad/depressed. Yes, he has some good qualities and that you had some fun times together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2008
Mon, 06-02-2008 - 7:41pm

Wow! What a story you have pebbles. GOOD FOR YOU FOR HAVING THE GUTS TO LEAVE. You must be a strong woman!! We all do have a story to share and to help others with and hopefully someone on this board will recognize themselves in you and find the strength to leave an abusive relationship as well (and good for you for taking your dog, I'm an animal lover :)

I think you should continue to explore your employee assistance program (that's what we call it in Canada--not sure about the states) to see what help you are able to get. It is a worry financially, health care etc., but the most important thing is YOU and your sanity and your health. Sounds like you are making strides with both--good for you!!

This is a great place to vent, ask questions, answer questions etc. I'm glad you found it! Keep us posted, and when you are feeling weak...just post here and someone is always here :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 06-03-2008 - 10:25am

Good for you Rochelle.