hurting advice appreciated

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2006
hurting advice appreciated
3
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 1:32am

so here's my story:
exactly 1 month ago today on July 21, 2006 my hubbie came home and told me he met a woman on July 14th, 2006 who he believes would make him happier and he can love more than he loves me and needed to find out --- I kicked him out of our home. He has indicated that because I kicked him out he was forced to move in with her.....they moved in together on August 01, 2006.

We were together for 10 years and married 6 of those years. We had it all - a picture perfect couple who everyone is surprised would end up divorced. Yes we did have our problems but all couples do. He just tuned 38 last week and I'm 31. We're both successful and independent. What I don't understand is why he would decide that one day he is no longer happy and move in with a woman he's know 2 weeks at the time - he says that he is in-love with her. In addition, she is in her early 20's, quit her job as a waitress and is now going back to school which my ex is paying for. He also pays for the condo they rent and everything else 'cause he says she has no money.......recently he called me to advise that he needs his divorce settlement asap as he does not have any money....the other woman is the complete opposite of me -- I graduted with 2 degrees, have my own business and we shared a beautiful home....most people would agree when I say that we were the perfect couple so I guess my question to all of yous out there is how does a man wake up one day, goes out and meets a woman, and gives up his entire life and friends to be with her...how can he walk away from 10 years of memories for someone that he knew for 1 week? Hes never indicated that he was unhappy and gave me no reason to believe that......so everyone out there please help me figue out what to say to my heart in order to get past this.........thank you so much ! R

PS I still love him but he has refused counselling

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2003
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 11:33am
My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I don't have much advice, but everyone tells me i can survive this and things will get better with time. I don't know what your H is thinking. I don't know if he will come to his senses or not. I don't know if this is the case with you, but I think some men seek out women who don't think for themselves and won't question anything the guy does.My STBX is not looking for a partner for an equal relationship. He wants to be in control of the relationship and he doesn't want anyone challenging him like I did.
You sound like a strong woman who has accomplished much in life. You will get through this.
Hugs,
Kelly
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 12:07pm
I understand you are hurting but I feel that he didn't just awake up and decided that he was not in love with you. I feel he can save this person. No she is not like you and maybe that is why he is attracted to her. you might love him but it is looking that he has moved on and will not be coming back. If you feel like you need some support please go see a counselor and they can help you deal with everything you are feeling.

lisa j romesburg

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 1:42pm
Hugs! Know you are not alone. My ex started the affair with OW around Feb. 1,2005. He served me papers March 4,2005. I am still shocked by the whole thing. I have to remind myself daily that he is really gone. We weren't the perfect couple either, but I didn't know we had those kind of problems. I miss him so much everyday. My children are suffering terribly, but he doesn't care. We will get throught this. I don't know how yet, but we will be OK. Be prepared for the roller coaster ride. If you have faith (and even if you don't) pray. God is listening. He has a shoulder for you to cry on.
Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda