Hurts so bad, but I still love him......
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 07-02-2007 - 4:23pm |
This might be a little long so bear with me....
I am 27 years old. STBX is 31 and still acts like a child. We have a 8 year old son together. All of my family is in Indiana and his in in North Carolina. We were together for 10 years and married 3 years. I met him in NC and after I had my son I got super homesick, I was still a child barely 18 and I missed my family. I told my STBX that I was moving back weither he came back or not. So we all moved to IN a month later. We had a lot of rocky roads through our relationship. Both of us had a lot of growing up to do. Fast forward 7 years, I absolutely loved my job, but the plant closed and I was out of a job. My STBX hated his job and he always wanted to move back to NC. So STBX, me and my son packed all our stuff and headed for NC.
That is really when it turned bad. STBX had hard time finding job paying what he was making in IN. He started a buisness it failed. I found a good paying job, but I hated my boss. I became the breadwinner in the family. STBX now has a more stable job that he loves but it still doesnt bring in to what he was used to making in IN. I think this gave him a complex.
My old boss got transferred down to a plant in SC, about an hour and a half from where I used to live. He emailed me one day on our home email addy and asked me if I would be interested in a position in his plant. I was so floored and so unbelievable happy. STBX emailed the plant manager behind my back and asked him to not let me have the job, cause it would tear his family apart. I found this out when the plant manager called were I was currently working and asked what was going on and he was sorry to cause any problems.
I was really hurt that my STBX did that to me. So I basically cut him off from me, my feelings, emotions, I stayed in the bedroom all the time and he stayed in the living room.
Then I proceed to find out by snooping that he set up a myspace account and was looking for girls to talk to. I confronted him about this and he said it was my fault for not showing him any attention/affection.
After pondering weeks and weeks, I went to counseling, by myself. I asked him to go but he didn't want to. I tried to talk to him. I really wanted our marriage to work. I considered NC my home. I really did like it down there, it just seems when we moved I lost my husband on the way.
So after several counseling sessions, I decided to leave. I was tired of taking anti-depressents and anxiety meds to deal with my sucky life. I also started smoking about a half a pack a day.
So I left. It was one week ago today. I packed all my clothes and my son's stuff and I left. I felt like I had no choice I was not happy. I felt like I had gave my marriage my all, and what r u supposed to do when the other person doesn't want to work on the marriage? I traveled 700 miles in one day. I am now living with my parents and I hate it. My son was already up here for the summer anyways so I just had to worry about myself.
So I have been talking to my STBX and of course he is sorry, he is making me promises. Leaving him has been the hardest thing I have ever done. My heart is breaking. I still love him and I wish that we could be a family and together. I cry all the time, my heart hurts. I hurt because of what he did to me, and I also hurt because I miss him and I love him.
What am I to do? Of course now he wants to go to counseling, and he says he is a different person since I left. Which I do believe because I told him somethings last night and the old STBX would have flew off the handle and been mad, but he was perfectally calm. He said he was hurt but he was so calm.
I miss my old life. I hope that STBX has changed because I love him, but how am I to know if he really has changed or is at least trying to make an effort to change.
What am I to do?
| Mon, 07-02-2007 - 8:56pm |
