HUSBAND AND BEST FRIEND BETRAYAL

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2007
HUSBAND AND BEST FRIEND BETRAYAL
4
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 7:25am

OMG ...I AM WRITING IN RED RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THAT IS ALL I CAN SEE!!!


HERE'S A LIL BACKROUND....MY H AND I HAVE BEEN SEPARATED FOR 2 MONTHS,DUE TO MY INFIDELITIES, AND HE SAYS HE ISNT READY TO DEAL WITH ANY OF THIS YET,FINE,I COMPLETELY GET THAT, I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GIVE HIM THE SPACE HE NEEDS.HE MOVED OUT AND I AM HERE TRYING TO RAISE 2 KIDS ,2 AND 4YEARS OLD,HOLD MY HEAD ABOVE WATER,GO TO THERAPY ONCE A WEEK,WORK,TAKE DRIVING LESSONS TO GAIN SOME INDEPENDANCE(ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF DRIVING BUT MUST GET OVER THAT)HE SEES THE KIDS 10 MINUTES A DAY WED-FRI TO TAKE AND BRING THE KIDS HOME FROM THE BABYSITTERS AND TOOK THEM 1 SUNDAY ALONE.SO I FEEL HE I AM GIVING HIM THE SPACE HE NEEDS.ALTOUGH I KEEP TELLING HIM HE NEEDS TO BE WITH HIS KIDS MORE TO REINFORCE THEM THE LOVE HE HAS BUT I SEEM TO BE THE ONLY ONE DOING THAT AND IT IS AFFECTING MY OLDEST,HE TELLS PEOPLE DADDY LEFT BECAUSE HE DOENST LIKE US,I GIVE THIS POOR BABY POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS EVERYDAY,EVERY CHANCE I GET HOW MUCH DADDY AND MOMMY LOVE HIM AND ITS NOT HIS FAULT.I AM SO STRESSED(I KNOW I DESERVE EVERYTHING I AM FEELING,)BUT I AM SLOWLY LOSING IT,THE KIDS SLEEP MAYBE 2 NIGHTS ALL NIGHT BUT USUALLY WAKE UP AND STAY UP BECAUSE THEIR WORLD IS UPSIDE DOWN.


I HAVE NOONE TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS,I WAS TALKING TO MY BEST FRIEND AND MY SISTER,BUT I REALIZED I COULDNT TALK TO MY SISTER ABOUT THIS BECAUSE I DONT NEED HER HOLDING ANY GRUDGES SHOULD WE BE ABLE TO WORK THIS OUT,I WAS TALKING WITH MY FRIEND DAILY UNTIL ABOUT 2 WEEKS AGO WHEN SHE STOPPED CALLING ME,I ACCUSED MY H OF SLEEPING WITH HER BECAUSE OF MY OWN INSECURITES,LITTLE DID I KNOW THEY ARE GOOD FRIENDS THEMSELVES AND HE REPEATED THIS TO HER SO I WAS GUESSING THAT IS WHY SHE HASNT CALLED ME,BUT I ASKED HIM NUMEROUS TIMES SHE SINCE STOPPED CALLIGN IF HE TALKED TO HER.I SHOULDNT HAVE ACCUSED HIM(I HAVE SUCH TRUST ISSUES W/GF'S,FINDING OUT IT PROBALY STEMS FROM CHILDHOOD,MY DAD CHEATED ON MY MOM W/HER BF AND HE WOULD USE ME AS HIS EXCUSE TO SEE THIS WOMAN AND I AT 6 DIDNT KNOW ANY BETTER AND ASKED MY MOM,WHY DADDY MAKES ME WAIT IN THE HALLWAY AT CAROLS WHEN HE KISSES AMBER GOODBYE(CAROLS DOG)I THINK I MAY HAVE SUBCONSCIENSLY STEERED CLEAR OF BEFRIENDING WOMAN THROUGH THE YEARS AND NEVER QUITE UNDERSTOOD WHY UNTIL I ENTERED THERAPY,)


OK,I HAVE TOLD THIS GIRL EVERYTHING,INCLUDING HOW MY H THINKS I AM WITHOLDING INFO FROM HIM,HE THINKS BECAUSE I HAD 2 ONS,6 YEARS APART THAT I MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING ELSE IN BETWEEN,I HAVENT BUT I KNOW I HAVE TO REBUILD HIS TRUST SO I CONTINUE TO TRY AND REINFORCE THAT I AM BEING NOTHING BUT COMPLETELY HONEST WITH HIM,ANYWAY,SHE KNOWS ALL THIS AND HE TELLS ME LAST NIGHT THAT HE HUNG OUT WITH HER LAST WEEKEND SHE SPENT THE WHOLE ENTIRE WEEKEND AT HIS PLACE,AND ALL THE INSECURITES I TOLD HER OF THAT HE HAS, SHE COMPLETELY LIED AND TOLD HIM I AM NOT BEING COMPLETELY FORTHRIGHT WITH HIM,SHE FED OFF MY STORIES TO HER, HOW CAN I DEFEND THIS.


THEN ALSO HOW MAD DO I DESERVE TO BE SINCE I CHEATED,HE CLAIMS NOTHING HAPPENED,HE SAID HE PLANNED ON GETTING BACK AT ME,BUT HE TRIED TO KISS HER AND SHE REFUSED, I DONT UNDERSTAND THIS, DONCHA THINK THE NEXT DAY WOULDVE BEEN TOTAL AWKARDNESS AND SHE WOULDVE WANTED TO GET OUTTA THERE BUT NO SHE WENT HOME AND CAME BACK FOR MORE THE NEXT NIGHT AND SPENT THE NIGHT AGAIN WITH HIM.HE CLAIMS ITS FINE BECAUSE THEY

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 4:39pm

Terrified,


Please repost in blue or black and take the size of your type down! We can't read your post because it literally hurts the eyes!


We can't help if we can't read your stuff!


CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2007
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 8:29pm
Well if this is any consolation I found my husband one morning after
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2007
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 9:48am

I know how much pain you are in. My husband had an affair with my best friend, telling me that he loves her and wants to build a life with her. It is a double betrayal, and I did the same thing you are doing now--went over everything I told her over the years, analyzed how she advised me to her own benefit, etc.

I, too, question how much of a right I have to be angry, but I keep coming back to the betrayal and know I can do nothing but feel this way.

The best thing you can do right now is work on yourself. Continue to explore the connection between your past and your present, and heal the pain. Do not blame yourself for what your father did, or for what your husband is doing. You are a good person, worthy of love. Hang in there. (((hugs)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2007
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 6:27pm

hey guys,