Husband filing for divorce-need guidance
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Husband filing for divorce-need guidance
| Fri, 08-15-2008 - 8:58pm |
Hi
I'll start off my intro by explaining that just 3 weeks ago I was on the trying to conceive boards. My husband and I had an argument last Sat. night because I wanted him to spend time with me and our daughter since we had not spent time together all week (I work full time and go to school to get my BA- very busy. He teaches so he's off for the summer).He got upset because he wanted to watch a football game with his brother then go to watch a UFC fight at someone else's house. Anyhow, he left and didn't come back til the next afternoon, granted I told him on Sat. night I didn't want to see him, but still no calls or anything. When I get home I blew up told him I was fed up and wanted a divorce. Of course I didn't but I was so frustrated at his lack of care. We had a big argument. He tried to take the computer and when I tried to retrieve it he yanked it from me (I know-childish on both parts), scraping my arms and leaving bruises. After he left we continued to argue via text messages, we said some pretty bad things, but by the nighttime I had cooled off. I told him it was ridiculous and asked him to come home. He said he was done. We have continued to fight and he hired a lawyer on Tuesday. Of course his parents support all this and gave him the $3000 for the retainer. I've always gotten this vibe that his mom wanted me out of the picture- why else would they send him $3000 and not even encourage a reconciliation. Anyhow, I apologized for everything and repeatedly asked him to come back, even asking him to at least try counseling. He refuses and I get this feeling that I know him well enough that he has it in his head that his parents gave him the money so he really can't back down. Anyhow, I'm beyond devastated and shocked. We have been married 5 years and we are a couple who rarely fought but when we did it was bad- we're both admittedly stubborn. His recent behavior is so out of character. He got a coaching job and suddenly he was all about that. I have been experiencing so many emotions- anger, disappointment, sadness, fear. I can't stomach the idea that we will likely have shared custody and that I will miss any part of my daughter's upbringing. It seems so unfair. I also now face life on my $1200 a month salary in which I will have to find a place to rent, pay bills and also a $400 car payment for a car we bought 3 weeks ago! Yet he told me he was done a long time ago! If he was, why did he saddle me with that? And why were we just trying to get pregnant? I feel like this person I knew, I don't really know at all. When he told me he had hired a lawyer, it was the worst hurt and pain I have ever felt- does it seem like betrayal because that's what it feels like it is. How do you cope? How do you keep your cool? Do I need a lawyer? Will I ever get over this hurt? I can't tell you how much I need the support of the women on these boards.
I'll start off my intro by explaining that just 3 weeks ago I was on the trying to conceive boards. My husband and I had an argument last Sat. night because I wanted him to spend time with me and our daughter since we had not spent time together all week (I work full time and go to school to get my BA- very busy. He teaches so he's off for the summer).He got upset because he wanted to watch a football game with his brother then go to watch a UFC fight at someone else's house. Anyhow, he left and didn't come back til the next afternoon, granted I told him on Sat. night I didn't want to see him, but still no calls or anything. When I get home I blew up told him I was fed up and wanted a divorce. Of course I didn't but I was so frustrated at his lack of care. We had a big argument. He tried to take the computer and when I tried to retrieve it he yanked it from me (I know-childish on both parts), scraping my arms and leaving bruises. After he left we continued to argue via text messages, we said some pretty bad things, but by the nighttime I had cooled off. I told him it was ridiculous and asked him to come home. He said he was done. We have continued to fight and he hired a lawyer on Tuesday. Of course his parents support all this and gave him the $3000 for the retainer. I've always gotten this vibe that his mom wanted me out of the picture- why else would they send him $3000 and not even encourage a reconciliation. Anyhow, I apologized for everything and repeatedly asked him to come back, even asking him to at least try counseling. He refuses and I get this feeling that I know him well enough that he has it in his head that his parents gave him the money so he really can't back down. Anyhow, I'm beyond devastated and shocked. We have been married 5 years and we are a couple who rarely fought but when we did it was bad- we're both admittedly stubborn. His recent behavior is so out of character. He got a coaching job and suddenly he was all about that. I have been experiencing so many emotions- anger, disappointment, sadness, fear. I can't stomach the idea that we will likely have shared custody and that I will miss any part of my daughter's upbringing. It seems so unfair. I also now face life on my $1200 a month salary in which I will have to find a place to rent, pay bills and also a $400 car payment for a car we bought 3 weeks ago! Yet he told me he was done a long time ago! If he was, why did he saddle me with that? And why were we just trying to get pregnant? I feel like this person I knew, I don't really know at all. When he told me he had hired a lawyer, it was the worst hurt and pain I have ever felt- does it seem like betrayal because that's what it feels like it is. How do you cope? How do you keep your cool? Do I need a lawyer? Will I ever get over this hurt? I can't tell you how much I need the support of the women on these boards.

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Hi Mandi,
Get a lawyer immediately.
Definitely get an attorney right away.
Realize that you will make it through this. Many women don't have even a job when they divorce, so you're ahead of the game that way. If you're going to be the custodian you are going to be entitled to child support which is based on guidelines and is basically not something that is negotiable. Depending on how long you've been married you may be able to get alimony until you finish school.
You can do this, and you should do this, if anyone is going to act so wishy as your husband then he has no idea what he wants or what he is doing. You need to get out and be on your own without him.
I know it is hard. I know it is awful and it is wrong of him to do this. But you can get past it and move on and have a great life.
I know, I do it, and 8 years later, I'm still doing it.
Mandi,
Welcome to the board.
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
I think Wisdomtooth gave some really excellent advice.
I will say that if you & your STBX can be civil toward each other & cooperate in the raising of your DD, her life doesn't have to be unhappy.
Hi Mandi,
I was married to a school teacher too.
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