Husband filing for divorce-need guidance

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Husband filing for divorce-need guidance
14
Fri, 08-15-2008 - 8:58pm
Hi
I'll start off my intro by explaining that just 3 weeks ago I was on the trying to conceive boards. My husband and I had an argument last Sat. night because I wanted him to spend time with me and our daughter since we had not spent time together all week (I work full time and go to school to get my BA- very busy. He teaches so he's off for the summer).He got upset because he wanted to watch a football game with his brother then go to watch a UFC fight at someone else's house. Anyhow, he left and didn't come back til the next afternoon, granted I told him on Sat. night I didn't want to see him, but still no calls or anything. When I get home I blew up told him I was fed up and wanted a divorce. Of course I didn't but I was so frustrated at his lack of care. We had a big argument. He tried to take the computer and when I tried to retrieve it he yanked it from me (I know-childish on both parts), scraping my arms and leaving bruises. After he left we continued to argue via text messages, we said some pretty bad things, but by the nighttime I had cooled off. I told him it was ridiculous and asked him to come home. He said he was done. We have continued to fight and he hired a lawyer on Tuesday. Of course his parents support all this and gave him the $3000 for the retainer. I've always gotten this vibe that his mom wanted me out of the picture- why else would they send him $3000 and not even encourage a reconciliation. Anyhow, I apologized for everything and repeatedly asked him to come back, even asking him to at least try counseling. He refuses and I get this feeling that I know him well enough that he has it in his head that his parents gave him the money so he really can't back down. Anyhow, I'm beyond devastated and shocked. We have been married 5 years and we are a couple who rarely fought but when we did it was bad- we're both admittedly stubborn. His recent behavior is so out of character. He got a coaching job and suddenly he was all about that. I have been experiencing so many emotions- anger, disappointment, sadness, fear. I can't stomach the idea that we will likely have shared custody and that I will miss any part of my daughter's upbringing. It seems so unfair. I also now face life on my $1200 a month salary in which I will have to find a place to rent, pay bills and also a $400 car payment for a car we bought 3 weeks ago! Yet he told me he was done a long time ago! If he was, why did he saddle me with that? And why were we just trying to get pregnant? I feel like this person I knew, I don't really know at all. When he told me he had hired a lawyer, it was the worst hurt and pain I have ever felt- does it seem like betrayal because that's what it feels like it is. How do you cope? How do you keep your cool? Do I need a lawyer? Will I ever get over this hurt? I can't tell you how much I need the support of the women on these boards.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2008
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 7:49pm

I was told three weeks ago on the phone that my husband wanted a divorce. I'll be married 25 years this march. I know how devastated you are. How do you stop loving someone and so quick. My whole live is changing and I have no control over it.


Call your family and vent.. pick one or two close friends you can count on and vent...I needed medication to get me through..


good luck

"This new  path I must lead will lead me to europhoria"

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 10:22pm
Ladies, you all make me feel so hopeful. A friend I work with who went through a divorce told me it's an emotional roller coaster- and boy is that a fact! Anything triggers a meltdown. Yesterday for example, I opened the drawer with the silverware. We have dinner forks and salad forks- he always used the dinner forks and I use the salad forks, and looking at those forks and thinking about what would happen to the damn forks caused me to break down.However, I have not cried today- yet. And that's a good thing. I know the healing is a process and I know I'm not going to feel "normal" again for awhile, and that drives me nuts! I also suspect that the worst is not behind me. STBX informed me that in the divorce papers he filed, he is requesting Primary Residency of our 3 year old. It makes me sick. I have tried to remain amicable and keeping our daughter's best interests a priority and this action is just another example of how selfish and cruel he is. Who is this person? What happened to the man I thought he was? Now I'm forced to find a lawyer (which he knows I or anyone in my family cannot afford). It's insane and it feels like a bad dream. And all from a man who in the 2 weeks since he left, has asked about our daughter ONCE. In that time he's had her 2 days, and one day he brought her back early because she was hysterical and he had no clue how to console her. And then, to top it off- he sent a text and told me "I was going to split her with you 50/50..." SPLIT?!!! Who says that about their child. Ladies, I'm in for a fight. It's not something I have ever done, but would you please keep me and my daughter in your prayers. I will certainly keep you all in my thoughts :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2008
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 10:01am

This board has been a wonderful place for me to see that others are going through the same crap I am. Even though I am alone in his country right now, I feel that I can come here and find a bit of sanity.

i_swellgal -- It's amazing how similar our situations are. Out of the blue after 10 years together (no kids). He packed his stuff the next day and moved in with his mom and I'm living in our flat. His mom rules the three boys - the eldest who is nearing 50 still is single and mommy does his laundry and cleans his flat!!! I'm still in the weepy stage but the anger is coming out!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2008
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 9:27pm

Funny you say that, where is the person you married? I see this person and I don't know who he is. He certainly isn't the man I married. I have no idea what he is thinking and I'm scared to death of living in poverty.


I never thought i'd be here... I mean after almost 25 years??????????? I feel so alone...

"This new  path I must lead will lead me to europhoria"

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