husband just left me
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husband just left me
| Fri, 06-16-2006 - 9:47pm |
I don't know what to think. I've posted on here about my lame ex, and now DH#2 just left. Boy, it's enough to give a girl a complex. Maybe it's me, maybe I suck. Ir maybe it's my judgement in men. I'm leaning towards bad judgement.
This sucks. He packed his things, I could tell he was upset but he didn't try to stay. He kissed the kids and took off for somewhere, maybe his parents, I'm not positive. Anyway, I'm numb. The truth is, I just want us both to be happy. If that's with me, then great, if not, then I wish him the best and I hope he finds whatever/whoever will make him the happiest.
Thanks for letting me cry on your shoulder. It'll hit me in a few hours and I'll fall apart, but for now, I'm just numb.
laura

OMG, I am so sorry you are going through this....again. Did he say why he was leaving you? How long have you two been together?
I usually check the boards frequently because I'm bored, so if you feel like posting more tonight, I'll be here.
He has, in my opinion, a problem with anger that causes him to errupt from time to time. He's snappy, he seems very unhappy a lot of time and I've felt like I can't do anything right so I'm walking on egg shells hoping I don't set him off. He says that normal adults can handle being yelled at, but I can't. Seriously, if you yell and curse at me, it causes this very deep seeded reaction where I shut down. My first husband was abusive (physically) and it was easier to take that than this emotional stuff. I said that to my current DH and he got mad. We've been together for 4 years, married for 3 and a half. Thank you for replying. The truth is, I don't have anyone to talk to about this and he hasn't called or emailed so I have no idea where he is or what he's doing. I think he's at his dad's house but I'm not even sure about that.
laura
Wow, we have very similar situations! My first was abusive physically, but overall, not a bad guy if that makes sense. He'd just snap, but other than that, he was okay. DH#2 is more abrasive, he yells, he gets angry quickly and when it escilates into yelling, it's overwhelming. I have two DD's from my first marriage and two DS's from my second. My DD's live with their dad for a slight majority of the time (long story and a custody battle that ended poorly for me). My current DH isn't a bad guy, but I think he has some problems with depression, or his moods. He seems to feel some emotions in extremes. Like he just wont get mad, he works himself into a rage. He can't let small things go, like when were out in the car, we have to listen to his narraration of who bad everyone else is driving. I think he's more worried about not seeing the boys that much than he is about saving our marriage. The thing is, he's a great dad and I wouldn't take the kids away. I hope we can stay friends (famous last words) but that's going to be up to him. I'm going to continue to be the same person I am, I will work with him to make sure he's as involved as he wants to be, and I hope he'll try and be positive towards me and them.
My biggest fear is all this going down the tubes and we end up in court mud-slinging and fighting for custody of the boys. It would be stupid, I'm all for him having as much time with them as he wants, as long as it's not more than what I have (I'd go for 50/50). Anyway, there's a lot left to talk about. I'll be sure to take a few zanax beforehand though!
Thanks for the reply. I feel less alone, at least for now.
laura
I am sorry Laura!
One thing you might want to look into, as you recover from all this, is getting with a therapist who will help you discover why you choose the ment you do.
The biggest gift you can give yourself is self-love. Try not to judge yourself too harshly. Unforunately, we can never control what others will do in a situation not matter how much we want to, no matter how much we love them, no matter how badly we want to try to make things work. Keep finding affirmations about yourself, things that you know are worth loving. Take your time and vent whenever you need it!
- J
- J. Darling
Singehttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v244/JDarling/Headshots/Picture001.jpgr, Songwriter, Author for Celebr
I'm sorry, but the statement a "normal" adult can handle being yelled at is ridiculous. No one enjoys being yelled, or should have to take being yelled at.
I agree w/ the other poster who suggested therapy to see why you keep picked abusive men. Therapy is not a bad thing and it can only help. Even if it just gives you a place and someone to talk to.
That's great that you are willing to let him have your kids 50% of the time, but I would recommend he also get counseling for his anger. You don't want your kids to grow up thinking yelling is the normal way to live and how to react to situations.
I realize this just happened yesterday, so you are probably in shock, and will be for some time. My H left me and our 5 month old baby girl 20 days ago and I'm still in shock and confusion. But, I am seeing a therapist already. I want to take back my life and get some control back in my life, not have him running it when he is not even in it!
wow laura. you've been thru a lot. i was also married twice - and divroced twice. it took me a loooooooooot of soul searching, and some therapy to understand my role in all this - the fact that i married two guys who were pretty much teh same, even tho they were so totally different (if that makes sense). the bottom line is that they were both controlling and abusive, only in very different ways. it took me such a long time to admit to myself that H#2 was abusive, i couldn't even see it (or i didn't want to admit it). i was just so dead-set on marrying someone different form H#1 that i didn't look too deeply.
but the problem was me, and the solution was in me too. i had to take care of the issues that *I* had. (i am not aboloshing either of them of their behavior, but i have learnt to take responsibility).
i think that you are still in a deep denial stage here. it is totally NOT true that <>>. it is also a very unhealthy situation if you feel that you have to walk around on egg shells <>.and i find it very sad that you seem to prefer the evil of physcial abuse over emotional abuse (even tho i totally understand where you are coming from). I think that your very first step is to find a therapist and support group for survivors of domestic abuse and get help from them. you need to recognize what is going on, and you need to get help for yourself - otherwise this will follow you into your next relationship. and it is affecting your relationship with your children.
hugs...