Is husband still supporting you?
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| Sun, 03-09-2008 - 2:25pm |
(I also posted this on Destined for Divorce, not sure where is the best place for me.)
Hi, I'm wondering if there are women in situations like mine, or know of situations like mine, and can give me advice or insight. I have yet to post my whole story, I've just been posting bits and pieces to try to get answers to questions I have at any given moment. I have an appointment with a lawyer next week. Don't really know for what. Just advice I guess. My husband is the one who left and wants a divorce eventually, no timeframe on that yet. So, with that said... my husband moved out a month ago. In with his new girlfriend. I have two children, ages 12 and 4, and have been a stay at home mom for the past 12 years. The girls and myself are living in the house, with my husband still paying all expenses, obviously, since I have no income. When he first told me our marriage was over, January 31, he stated that he wanted this to all go as smoothly as possible. Yeah, whatever. But, of course it just gets nastier every day.
I had been thinking about withdrawing my half of the tax return money, for security, schooling in the future, etc. and was going to go do that last week. I checked our online bank statement and saw that my husband had transferred $2300 from our joint checking to his business account. I then went to the bank, withdrew $1720, my half of the tax return, from our joint checking, and came home and sent my husband an "innocent" e-mail telling him what I had done. Because I honestly wasn't trying to be sneaky, just trying to protect myself. I will just past in what we wrote to each other, it will be easier to understand that way:
My e-mail to my husband:
Just wanted to let you know that I withdrew my half of the tax return ($1720) from our joint checking account. I have no plans for it at the moment. Just for security purposes. Or perhaps to help with future schooling for myself. I believe that I'm entitled to half of the total. Is that not correct?
His response:
Well I hope you are not overdrawn now. I would say that you need to keep that money in the account so you can pay the house payment next month. My checks will continue to be deposited there. You should check with me before doing that. Also you'd better find a way to come up with about $500.00 dollars per month on your own.
You'll need that money to pay the property taxes next year so you shold probably put it back.
It gets even better. This all took place on Wednesday. The next day my husband and his girlfriend left on a trip to Montana. Saturday he posted on his Myspace bulletin that he is in a casino!
So, I guess my question right now, who else is or has been in a situation where you are still in the house but your husband is paying the bills, so far at least. How did that work out? For how long did that work out? What do you do when your husband turns dickish?
I'm going to an informational seminar at my local community college next week, for displaced homemakers and other women who are trying to get their lives back on track. If I can get into that, it will cost $150 and be three months long. After that I was planning on going back to school, for what I'm not sure yet... medical lab tech, pharmacy tech, medical billing.... are some ideas at the moment. But school will cost money and take time. I'm thinking about two years.
My husband expects me to come up with my own money every month, but my youngest isn't even in school yet. I don't want to just get some crummy job that just pays the bills. I need to go to school so I can get a real job that can support myself and my kids. I need benefits, health insurance, etc.
Selling the house in an option, but in this depressed market, who knows how that would go. Plus, I don't know where I would go then. We have three dogs, two of them large. Good luck finding an apt. or whatever with them. Plus storage unit costs.
I'm just wondering if my husband can be forced to support me while I'm going to school. Wether it is through a legal separation or whatever. My husband wants to do the do it yourself divorce, to save money, and I have no idea when he wants to go ahead with a divorce anyway. He probably doesn't even know. Of course I will take everything by a lawyer. He makes about $44,000 a year (he pays $500 a month in rent with his girlfriend), so even the lawyer, over the phone, said that's not really enough to support two households, so I might have to get a job. He's not a divorce atty, maybe I should see another atty after my appointment with this guy.
I just don't know what to do. Anyone in a similar situation? I have friends and family around me, supporting me, but I still feel so alone.

My STBX left our home the end of January and has been paying the mortgage and medical insurance.
I think that it varies in different states, but I know from when my Husband and I separated the first time, I was told that since I was a stay at home mom he would have to pay alimony and child support. He could even be ordered to pay for me to go back to school if I chose too. My suggestion to you would be to talk to a lawyer and do it NOW so that you know your options before he tried to pull the wool over your eyes.
I must tell you though, after reading that e mail from him...........I had to wonder if we were married to the same man, lol
I swear that it was like reading something from my husband.
Best of luck to you hun
~ It's not what ya got,
~ It's not what ya got,
It's what ya give ~
I live in Oregon. If he ISN'T ordered to pay for my schooling, then I certainly hope I can get at least get financial aid, otherwise I have no way to pay for it. Everyone around me keeps telling me that he will have to support me and the girls, no matter what, but I will talk to the laywer in a few days. It just really makes me angry that I'm here, in our home, paying household bills and feeding our kids (not to worry about
Violet,
Please find a competent, experienced DIVORCE attorney ASAP. The person you hire should handle at least two dozen divorces a year, and have experience dealing with cases with child custody/visitation and child and spousal support at stake. You want someone whose familiar with your state laws and can aggressively represent your interests.
Take him or her your financial statements: retirement accounts, bank accounts, bills (everything including utilities, mortgage, taxes, credit cards, loans), and
CL-Wisdomtooth2020