Husband wants separation - I don't!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2008
Husband wants separation - I don't!
4
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 7:37pm

Please help me....I feel so lonely and scared.


My husband has fallen in love with another woman. He gives me mixed emotions. When I'm upset he comforts me. It occasionally turns into love making. He says the reason he wants to be with me is to see it he feels the passion that was lost. I put everything I have into it....nothing changes. He knows I have hope and he confuses me. He says he cannot just forget the love he has for this other woman.


They started as friends, meeting at the gym, going for coffee together and enjoying the conversation. The kicker is...she is going through a divorce herself. She has 4 kids. I would grabbed the first guy that would want me too. When her husband and I asked them to stop talking and meeting they refused and admitted their feelings toward each other. All this has taken place in the last 6 months.


We have been together for 17 years, married for 13...have two young girls. How can a man leave a woman that loves him with everything she has and he says he still loves her

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 08-08-2008 - 10:58am
I feel very sorry for your situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2008
Fri, 08-08-2008 - 3:21pm

I too have a STBX who has had an affair b/c he felt that he was lacking being desired. I was devastated and heartbroken. This is how I see it. You deserve to be loved EXCLUSIVELY!! If he doesn't have enough respect for you and your children to do that and live up to the commitment that HE VOWED BEFORE GOD to take, then he doesn't deserve you. If OW is willing to date a man who is married, she deserves what she gets. They deserve each other. He is just keeping you around just in case this affair doesn't work out. You don't deserve that. You deserve to be happy.

I didn't want to separate from my DH either b/c I vowed to be with him for better or for worse, but since I have moved out, I have realized how much happier I am. I'm lonely at times, but at least I don't have to walk on eggshells anymore (he's extremely anal)and I don't have to wonder about where he is.

I think it's really funny that these men only want to stay when the marriage is happy, but when the going gets tough, they find another woman instead of working on the problem.

The best thing you can do is live your life for you and your children.....you guys come first. Also, I would suggest getting some counseling for yourself.....it will help. I usually write what I'm feeling in a journal and it helps just to get my feelings out.

Musiclover is right though, they usually come crawling back when you kick them out and file for divorce. (a slap of reality I guess, when they can't have their cake and eat it too) Unfortunately in my situation, no one has filed yet. (both students and broke).

At any rate, I'm sorry that you find yourself here, but we are here to support you in any way we can. (((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

Claudia

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2008
Fri, 08-08-2008 - 6:56pm
Thank you musiclover12...I need to be strong and I need all the support I can get.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2008
Fri, 08-08-2008 - 7:01pm
Thank you cdpulani ! I know me and the girls will be fine over time..its just scary. I am going to counciling..so with that and some good friends I know I'll make it through.