I am the "cheater". Tips?
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I am the "cheater". Tips?
| Tue, 12-13-2005 - 6:10pm |
So I cheated. Now going through divorce. (Many other issues at the root of things, but the cheating got the ball rolling).
Of course I am the bad guy to everyone because I am the "cheater" and not the one "cheated on". Any tips on how to handle "friends" that are being jerks because of the situation?

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My situation is similar (I'll explain first to help). I was in an EMA and decided to leave my Ex (again, other issues like you said). the ex never found out, but some mutual friends did. the good news, they never told him but they were kind of cruddy to me. I'm not sure what your situation with the OM is, but i'm still with mine and he's also left his wife.
that said, dealing with people now is a mixture of ignoring it, sucking it up, realizing that in some ways you deserve it and in other ways these folks don't understand that, while wrong, there were things wrong with your marraige or else this never would have happened. there will be some you will lose - they weren't your friends really in the first place and can't see past that. there are others who will say crappy things; ignore them. there are others you'll think would NEVER understand who do. it's weird. just be prepared to suck up a lot of crappy comments right now.
as a footnote, the mutual friends who found out about my EMA now double date with me and my b/f. they've gotten over it.
i hope that helps. the divorce is hard enough without the other stuff going on.
k
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Sorry - don't have any tips since I was the betrayed one - but I'm sure there are some women who ended up on this board as a result of an affair - I'm sure they've got some great suggestions!!!
Maybe the friends aren't jerks????
i think it's wonderful that you apologized. i would love that from my ex -- just an acknowledgement. i know i won't get it though.
i'm fully aware that my marriage was over before he cheated -- it's just that i see nothing virtuous in staying in a marriage until you find someone else. granted, i didn't leave the marriage either -- but, i didn't cheat.
my ex denies the affair -- even with the florist bills, etc. i just wish he could have been like you -- a grown-up who respected her ex enough to apologize.
I can relate to you as well. My ex denies ever cheating on me before we broke up, but how convenient that just as we seperated he moved in with another woman behind my back. Kinda "sudden" for not having been involved with her already! Not to mention stories that I heard from my NEIGHBORS of all people that my kids were locked out of the house at times during the summer so they could be intimate, probably in OUR bed! Our relationship wasn't the greatest either, but how could it have been GREAT when I was the only one trying to work on things?! I can take pride now in the fact that I earned my way out of the relationship. I didn't sneak out like a coward like my ex did. I was faithful for 12 years. I respected him enough not the cheat on him, and he didn't return the favor. I do find justice in the fact that she wanted him, not she has him! She gets to support him financially now and be his "mommie", not me. I am doing better in all ways, and he is in the same position. Kinda makes me feel smug knowing that. I didn't get my apology from him either, but I did get custody of the kids, the home, the furniture, one of the cars, $927 so far in child support, and my freedom from a unhappy relationship.
Apology ACCEPTED!!
Very well said.
It's great that people who have cheated have apologized and "moved on," however, do they really realize how much pain and destruction this act has caused??? Somehow just saying "My bad" doesn't quite seem enough. Maybe in this age of moral relativism it is though....
Please don't say I'm throwing stones - I don't live in a glass house, but so far none of my pebbles has cracked the surface.....
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