I am filing for divorce right after christmas ....not in a happy place right now

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2011
I am filing for divorce right after christmas ....not in a happy place right now
9
Wed, 12-14-2011 - 8:15pm

Hello all....I am a 35 yr old mom of 4...been married my entire adult life. Unfortunately, I am married to what I suppose is a serial cheater. I discovered the *first* affair that I know of right after my pregnancy with our youngest child (20 months old now) . I was devastated and gutted when I found out. I should have left then. He cried, said it wouldnt happen again, etc. Things turned bad after this...once I found out about his tendency for a double-life, he started becoming aggressive and nasty...I dont want to go into details there, but you get the point I am sure. Sure enough last spring he started another *friendship* with yet another young woman. I discovered by accident he is planning a trip with her across the country for about a week for a school they both attend. Apparently in August he told her he was getting a divorce. News to me! In fact he WONT file...he tells me things can be fixed if I change. LOL!!!! Needless to say, the trip planning was the final straw. He is practically dating her, they go out drinking, etc. under the guise of 'socializing for school'. I have had it.

Yet even though I think he is a creep, I still feel pretty horrible about it all. I dont want

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

You're right that he won't stop--cause he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

I think if I read another story like this I am going to spit..

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2011
Yes, they are all his. Age 1-16...we've been together a long time. I had no idea he was a cheater will i was pregnant with #4..
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2011
I do have a lawyer too...my husband is leaving for this trip in January, and he WILL be served before he leaves... I just didnt want to do it right before christmas in case he doesnt take it well once the reality hits of what is happening...i dont want him ruining christmas any more than he already has for the kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
I feel bad for you too. It's so unfair not to find this out before we have kids with these cheaters. I also think it will continue if you stay with him because if it happens again after the first time it means getting caught and hurting you so badly wasn't enough to stop the behavior from happening again. Their selfish wants and desires take priority over your hurt and devastation, not to mention your mental and physical health. I say take him for as much alimony/child support as you can possibly get and don't look back. you and your kids DESERVE much better than that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

I agree and want to add again that I wouldnt make this easy on him either.. but I dont know how you can do that.

Oh; dont forget to let the lawyer give your husband the bill for the divorce.. I mean he wanted to play so do you think he should pay?? Not to be mean or anything but he has to take full responsbility for what he has done to you and the children..

do you have any support from friends and family.? You are going to need that now?

Do you work?? You are also going to have to scale down expenses and things but it will be worth it.. Let him have whomever and you take care of you and your kids.. a day at a time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2011

I do not work, have been a SAHM

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Of course this is not ideal, but you could stay with him until you get your associates degree IF that's the only way to get by until you get a job. It might be better than living in poverty with 4 kids IF you and the kids don't have anywhere else to live until then.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2011

Sounds like you have a plan in place.