I am finally ready to have divorce

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
I am finally ready to have divorce
3
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 9:23pm

Hi, I have been thinking about divorce for several years, but never could stay firm. I started counseling last year, and it helped me to think about my life in general.

My husband has been away from home because he always looks for a job in either overseas or other states. He will be away from home over 6 months, and comes here for a month or two every year. For as bills, he only pays for the half of the childcare of 3 kids that we have. I am living in a 3-bed townhome, and I pay for the rest of the bills despite the fact that he makes more money than me. I took him out of the lease last year since he is not contributing anything, and he is not here anyway.

It's been like this over several years, and I think finally I got used to the idea that I can take care of myself and 3 kids without him. I realize that is what I have been doing anyway. The problem is, my husband does not want to have a divorce. He does not take care of me, but he wants to own me. I am planning on having a divorce without any child support. I just want him out of my life... Is it possible??? I guess I need to look for the ground for divorce. I am still nervous about this, but I know this is what I need to do.

Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 10:33pm

In order to truly "get him out of your life," you would need him to agree to signing away his rights to his children... and even then, since he is their father, he will always be bound to them in some way...

If you do get him to terminate his rights, yes, I suppose it could be possible to have a divorce w/o CS and that sort of thing... but even if YOU don't need it, you may want to consider collecting CS and using it as a college fund or some other investment for your children's future...

Good Luck and keep us posted...

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 12:42am

Thanks for the reply Julie. I guess at this point, I just want to get him out of my life so badly... I will try my best to have him sign for no-fault. He can contribute if he wants to. Afterall, he is not paying for any bills but the half of the childcare while he is married, and I don't see any point in making my life miserable by him getting behind on childsupport. I have no hope for the guy. My parents and I are already starting to prepare for the college funds for kids. My family have tradition of all relatives supporting college funds. They will be fine without his money.

On the other hand, I know kids will be affected by his absense through out their lives. I have to make them understand that this is not acceptable behavior, and not by their fault at all. However, my kids already know that other daddies stay with their family. My 4 year-old said, "when I grow up, I am going to be big like daddy, but not crazy like him." I asked him why he thinks he is crazy, then my 4-year old boy said, "because he gets mad for no reason. I am not going to be like that. I will be good to the other people." I don't know what to say about it...

My kids are doing fine. My 7 and 6 year old received academic awards and very good students. My 7 and 6 year old said, "On Mother's Day, we want to cook and clean and take care of you so you can relax." We are such a loving family without him, but on the egg shell when he comes here. They are so used to not having him around, one day I have to tell them this is not normal and they should never be living like this when they grow up. But till then, I want them to learn to appreciate family and be there for each other. One good thing out of his absence is that kids and I became so close to each other because we only had each other. He can visit anytime he wants, but I know he will never want to keep kids.

Oh, my 4 year-old gave me a toy ring he got from his sister. He gave me the ring and said, "Mama, I want you to have this ring. Daddy has 2 rings on his fingers, and you deserve it too." I am just so in love with my children and I enjoy living this way.

Some background information provided...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 10:10am

Hey there..... I think that I would start negotiating at what your state suggests for divorce, like a 50/50 split (unless he has lots of debt that you don't want!).... but definitely, for child support..... these are his kids, too, and he should support them (or at least be ordered to do so).


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~