I am going to be OK

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
I am going to be OK
10
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 1:48pm

For those of you who don't know me I'll give a short summary of me. On March 4, 2005 my husband of 15years (together 19) out of the blue served me with papers kicking me out of my home and taking my children. I truely thought I would die. I even considered killing myself. If it weren't for my boys I would have. All my husband said was that he didn't love me anymore. Five months later the divorce was all over. Come March of 2006 I found out he had been having an affair and that is why he left me.

In the last nearly two years, I have gotten my home back, I have my children 50% of the time, but see them nearly daily. I have also found fulltime employment. I am going to survive.

I still love my ex, but I know now he isn't ever going to come home so I have started moving forward. At first it was two steps forward with one and sometimes two back, but now it is one step forward. I miss my family, but my boys and I are learning to do things on our own. I want to tell you all that this is completely attainable. I have a long ways to go, but I have come so far. While sitting in church Christmas Eve, I all of a sudden had a calmness come over me. I knew I was going to be OK.

I want to thank everyone who has put up with me during this terrible two years. I wouldn't have made it without you. I noticed today I have made nearly 500 posts to this board. That's a lot of cheap therapy! Thanks.

To those of you who are struggling I want to give you hope. We will be OK. Money's tight, but we're not starving. I am lonely as heck, but I have signed up for eharmony in the last few months so maybe that will change. I know the feeling of sadness, loneliness, hopelessness, and helplessness that you are feeling. I promise you it does get better.

I will try to be around more to give support to those who need it. I am finally to a place that I feel I might be able to help someone.

I will continue to pray for you all!

Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

Avatar for susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 2:04pm

I'm glad to hear you're doing so well, Brenda! We miss you here on the board, you are a great part of this community.

{{{{{ WICKED GIANT HUGS FOR THE NEW YEAR! }}}}}

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 3:22pm

Congratulations Brenda - it certainly sounds like you have come a long way. I cannot begin to imagine what it must have felt like being kicked out of your home and threatened with the loss of your children. I am sure I would have had to be put into a padded room. Then to find out there was an affair to boot - talk about salt in the wound.

You sound very confident but honest. I am just embarking on this whole world of separation and potential divorce. H has finally agreed to go to counselling after years of me begging him. Problem is - I think that too much damage may have already been done. I find myself fantasizing about being free of him. I know full well he will jump right into another relationship - if for no other reason aside from a belief that he needs sex to survive! Bottom line- I think I am ok with that.

We are both aiming for a very amicable split. It will take a while to sell our house so we need to be able to get along (he is living at a mutual friend's place right for now).

Your story gives me hope - Thanks for sharing!

Rose

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 4:39pm

Brenda....


I'm crying!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

Avatar for eatatmoms
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 6:59pm

Brenda I am so proud of you!! You are so right, you are going to be OKAY, but even more than that, one day you're going to realize that you are not just okay, but doing WONDERFULLY! ((((((hugs))))))

Melanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 10:02pm

Brenda, I am so happy for you!

I came in a bit late on your journey, and have been around for about a year. I knew you had had a hard time for a while, but not the story behind it.

Congrats on getting to a point where you feel more at peace and content. It takes a strong woman to make it through what has happened to you!

And thanks for responding to my post during the days leading up to Christmas. It made me feel good to have someone respond back and forth like you did when I was having anxiety over the first one apart. Ours turned out nice and my mood was just fine. You have already helped someone, me!

((((BIG HAPPY CONGRATS HUGS))))

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 11:31pm

Thanks for posting, Brenda. It *doea* help to hear someone is climbing the mountain! And what a terribly difficult mountain you had to climb (How can these people do this to their spouses and children?) How old are your boys?

I have 2 girls, 4 and 6. My h wants out; he's done. I think there is *something* behind it but I don't know yet, what; not sure it is another woman.

Thanks so much for sharing!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 2:00am

I am on 5+ months of being apart from X and 2 months of being divorced. I came across your post just as I was I listening to the George Harrison song "All Things Must Pass" and the combination made me cry. Your words have given me courage this evening -- you should be proud of how far you have come!

Big Hugs!!

E

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 2:20pm
Brenda, I couldn't pass up the chance to tell you how proud I am of you. You have grown and faced your challenges time after time. It made my new year to read how well you're doing. It sounds like you had your lightbulb moment, and I am so glad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2005
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 5:15pm
I am so please to hear that you are doing well Brenda...although we are all going through a nightmare at times, just the thought of losing your kids and house must have been exscruciatingly painful on top of the affair...it still defies me how they feel that they are entitled to all of this at the expense of the partner who they promised to love and take care of. We will survive and thrive, you're a greaT EXAMPLE.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2005
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 5:51pm
Thank you for your uplifting story. Mine is just beginning and I am so overwhelmed I just want to sleep through it all. I thank you for the message that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
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