I am just plain old PISSED OFF! ...
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 02-27-2006 - 2:32pm |
I know, i know ... "hate" only eats at me ... does nothing to hurt HIM, but, i DO hate him.
M was away X2 weeks. refused to tell me where, not that i asked, but there was NO way to contact him in an emergency. Fine. During the time, i get 4 phone calls from his girfreinds psycho XH. Lovely. M totally denies she was with him on vaca to me (again, not that i asked, he called as soon as he was home & heard, to deny it to me). Yet i go into work this week (she is an RN at my hospital, a total "loser" type of person, btw) & hear from a float nurse that this girl had a 2 vaca in the same place Mike brought Ave stuff home from. So, obviously he lied. I truly dont care. I pray he freaking marries her & they move far far away.
But, the 1st nite Ave stayed with him, i picked her up & 1st thing she begins asking me "Mommy, if it was you who got kicked out of our house, woud you say bad things about Daddy, stuff like he has a girlfreind?"


Hi,
I am new to this board and read your message
My heart aches for you as a mother who is trying to protect the only thing that matters in a divorce...your child.
To do what your STBX is doing to your daughter is just awful and I know this first hand because my STBX does this with my almost 2 year old as well
Oh Rebecca my heart aches for Avery, I see so much of myself as a young girl in how you describe her. I, too, was the daughter of an alcoholic father. She is a deeply sensitive, intelligent, caring little girl and she loves her daddy even if he is a mess and mean sometimes.
I am sorry to tell you that the atty's and judges and GAL cannot change the fact that he is an alcoholic and she is the child of an alcoholic. He could stop saying mean things today and the roles would already be set in motion, they are each going to just continue to play their parts. Help her to deal with being the child of an alcoholic, and all that it entails, and just give up trying to change how he handles stress or life for that matter.
Yes she is growing up with a dad who says mean things about her mommy. But you know what? That is what she has known her whole life, not just since the divorce. At least now she sees that mommy isn't going to take it. She may not understand why you left but what 5 year old can understand divorce and abuse and manipulation and addiction?
My dad's drinking shaped who I am today, in good and bad ways. Just like all of our childhoods shape who we are, for both good and bad. I think I have a very healthy ability to pick my battles with people. I grew up knowing that there were just some things I could not control and to focus on those that I could.
Averey is always going to be hyper sensitive to how her daddy feels and what she can do to make him feel better, if you were a mess she would do the same for you, that is just the type of kid she is. For some reason girls of an alcoholic parent tend to take on the super nuturing role, not sure why. I was that way for sure and looking back I am sure it broke my mom's heart. I can remember one time her crying when I told her that I wished daddy would just look in the mirror and like himself because he was a very nice daddy. He was a raging drunk prone to destroy the entire house when he was angry. But when he was in a good mood he was the funnest, most loving, great dad a kid could ever ask for. As a child I loved him for the good times and tried to forget about the bad times.
Focus on helping Ave navigate his alcoholism and praise her for being so loving and caring, those qualities will serve her well as an adult.
Sometimes that hate actually feels good, doesn't it? I go through long stretches of hating my XH, then once I "feel better" I realize that the hate just hurts me in the long run. (But it definitely feels good short-term.)
I hate that our children are emotionally abused by their other parents and there isn't a bloody thing that we can do about it.
Rosie sees a counselor who helped her learn that she isn't responsible for anyone's happiness (or behavior) but her own. It was a long road, but it's nice now that she knows that her father's selfish actions have nothing to do with her, they are all about him. And she knows that when he's upset/sad, even at her, it isn't her fault or her responsibility to make him happy again. We do alot of reinforcement of these issues, like when she's upset about school, I remind her that her bad mood isn't about ME at all, and that I'm not responsible for getting her out of the funk; she is. It does help!
It's just so hard to sit around and watch this happen to our babies!
~calla~ mom to rosie and gracie
Mine moved in Oct 05 5 states away. You just made me realize that I should be grateful that this happened. His contact is so limited at this point and my son is upset and acting out. I guess I should try to survive this rough patch and know that ds will get over it. I used to nag that he should call his kid more than 2 times a week for 2-3 minutes a call but I have stopped. He is not getting him this summer for the 6 weeks he is entitled just 1 week for a vacation-maybe.
I need to start appreciating his lack of interest.
Sorry you are going through this.
Oh my gosh, Rebecca.... I would literally be throwing up by now.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~