I am new at this and I need help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2006
I am new at this and I need help!
14
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 12:58pm
Hi!
I have never been on a message board before but I have just gotten divorced on 12/15/05. I have been going through hell and need to talk to someone, anyone because this isn't going well right now. He was my best and only friend and now I have no support at all. I don't have any family myself and my kids are living with him. It was their choice. I understand that people say that it will get better eventually and it takes time and you have to go through the grief process but it's only been 3 months and I can't get out of it. I don't know what to say but if there is someone out there who could write please do.
Thanks!!!
Sue

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2005
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 3:58pm
Hi Sue, I'm sorry to hear what you are going through, its really a tough period, feel free to e-mail me anytime you would like to. I'll listen, offer a as strong of a shoulder as I can.
rhea57@sbcglobal.net
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 5:49pm

I has only been three months...be kind to yourself! Give yourself time. There is no set schedule for grieving.

First, have you been to counseling? I found that helped me immensely. Another thing that helped me was going to the gym. I was out around other people, and it helped me to feel more "normal."

Tell us a little more about yourself so we can get to know you. What do you do for work? How long were you married?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2006
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 6:07pm
Sues, I'm new to this as well. I'm in a similar situation in that I have no real support network which is what brought me to this group. I'm sorry you're having a tough time. Feel free to e-mail me anytime (lostheart2006@comcast.net) ....I know what it's like to feel alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2006
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 8:10pm
Yuck, I remember going thru this this a few months ago. The whole damn process gets easier as you go thru it, but this is little consolation as you are just entering "hell". Divorce is hell. Period. We are all new at this. My husband found sonebody else and and filed for divorce... surprise!!! We sign the final papers on Wednesday, but wish me luck, as I know how it goes!!! Keep us updated and ask questions. Laura.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2006
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 5:43pm

Thanks for writing back! I have found a psychologist and am joining the Y to start getting out.

I was married for 20 years and have 17 year old twins who live with their father so they won't have to change high schools. I am trying to go back to college after 25 years but it has been hard to concentrate. Maybe it's too soon. I live in PA and I am trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up so I'm not sure what direction to head as far as a career. I left college (again) to put my ex through his Ph.D program and I would finish where ever we ended up. The twins came and I guess it's the same old story as a lot of women.

Right now I'm just trying to learn to live alone. Thanks for all the support!
Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2006
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 5:50pm

I'm so sorry :( Please e-mail me whenever you need anything at sshomo1@comcast.net. It is really a mess. Do you have kids? Mine are 17 yrs old. They are with their father so they won't have to move high schools. Please e-mail me!!

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2006
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 2:18pm

Hi! I sent you an e-mail but I may have messed it up because I didn't hit "send and recieve" after hitting "send". God, computers can be so annoying. My e-mail is: lbaldwin@odscap.com. I look forward to talking with you- ask me any questions you have.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 2:47pm

Girl, dont you worry. It does get better with time as that will seem like little consellation right now but there is light at the end of the tunnel. This friday it will be 2 yrs for me and at times it still hurts. But I am way, I mean WAYYYYYYYYYYY better than I was when I first started out. Wow I remember when it was just three months for me I didnt think I would make it through alive but girl I did and damn it feels good. Im actually glad Im rid of him. LOL. I can laugh about alot of the horrible feelings I had back then. I thought I lost something so wonderful. I didnt. I see him for what he really is and I often wonder what the hell I saw in him to begin with. Other people saw his attitude problems and told me about it but back then 5+ yrs ago I was deep in love and couldnt, didnt want to see it.

I see it now. Honey this is a great support group. It got me through the worst time of my life at the point and Im so much better now. You will get there to dont worry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 4:13pm

Hi Sue,

I'm new at this whole thing too. I'm so sorry that you're hurting-I know how horrible it feels. I don't really have any advice for you (I'm still in the thick of it myself--2 months since we made the decision) but I wanted you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. This is a great place to come to find comfort, support, friendship and most of all-HOPE that things will get better. Or, at least that's what everyone keeps telling me!!

I think the best advice I've gotten so far about this whole process was from a lady sitting next to me on a flight. She told me "Salt cures, honey, whether it's from tears or sweat."

Good luck and keep us posted!

Wendy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2006
Wed, 03-15-2006 - 4:20pm
HELLO! I JUST GOT MY DIVORCE IN JAN. 2006. I LEFT IN JUNE OF 2005, AFTER 24 YEARS. IT ISN'T EASY! I'M TRYING TO DEAL WITH IT THE BEST I CAN. I DON'T WANT TO MAKE YOU FEEL BAD! SINCE THE DIVORCE WE HAVE TALK MORE THEN IN THE LAST 5 YEARS. ARE CHILDREN ARE 21 AND 27. I'M GLAD ABOUT THAT.
WE HAD TO BUSSINESS AN THEY ARE WHAT DESTORED ARE MARRIAGE. I'M GOING TO THE DOCTOR FOR HELP! THE MED HE HAS ME ON AREN'T HELPING. ALL I DO IS CRY. I SOLD THEM BOTH AND NOW I HAVEN'T FOUND A JOB. I FEEL SO ALONE. SOME DAYS ARE BETTER THEN OTHERS, LIKE WHEN I HAVE MY GRANDSON. HE COMES OVER AND STAYS DAYS AT A TIME. IT HELPS ME SO MUCH.
I'LL WRITE MORE LATER IF YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO.
GOOD LUCK

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