I am so Immature...*warning negative...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2005
I am so Immature...*warning negative...
3
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 10:20pm

The judge 'encouraged' stbx to get half of all the stuff he kept from the kids and I for a year and a half to us...I only asked for about 14 things or categories of things, mostly the kids stuff like bikes and sports equipment, beds etc.

The one thing I was somehow hoping to get a decent part back of was our family photographs/scrap albums. He took a suitcase/scrapbook set which contained hundreds and hundreds of photos'---various ones that were 'extras' or not used over the years in actual photo albums etc., and the albums also...he took them out of our house the first week I filed for divorce. Early in the case the first judge addressed it, and after that one was 'recused' by the stbx, the next judge also noted the family photographs would be an important issue and should be split up in some fair manner, copies made or some other way of parity.

Amongst all the various and many issues, I've kept a little, small hope that eventually I would get even maybe a third of the baby pics back etc. He waltzed up to the sidewalk today to pick up one of the children and gave a very old diaper bag to the kids and said, "Here you go...thats all the 'half' you're going to get. Hope you enjoy these..."

After he walked away I quickly glanced in the bag...there were about thirty photos in it...blurred images, a few pics of our children with other neighborhood kids, various pictures of the house, the Christmas tree etc without any of the children in the pics...

I just lost it. After 21 months, after fighting serious problems, and doing my best to keep us afloat, after getting so many blessings of help from friends and even strangers 'just in time' and being able to pay the rent, or buy medicine or food, I am just not strong anymore. I let my kids see me cry today. I got it together as quickly as I could, but I am a mess tonight. After the counseling, after learning so many ways to grow stronger, after learning why I was an enabler for the latter part of 16 years, and how to counter those types of feelings --- tonight I just am so mad at myself for still being vulnerable to that creep.

Dang it -- he didn't want me anymore, I wasn't good enough for him or his righteous family; I finally found a way to get enough of a voice to get the children and myself out of there. He financially, emotionally, psychologically and physically with either the children or myself and even the dogs, abused us before the divorce and certainly, during the 22 + months of the divorce saga. He used every financial means he could that he thought might enable him to take the children from me during the divorce process. I made it through; the children are fairly healthy, and even happy a lot of the time. We are going forward, but still there is a way for him to hurt me. How can I be a good role model for my kids if I am still falling apart over a few photo's when the divorce if finally almost complete?

I see so many strong, smart people here and I have learned much in our community, but still, almost two years later I let something which should have been a small situation and probably should have expected it, get to me today.

Sorry to sound so negative...k, going to go buy some film and keep some available at all times so I can at least know I am filling the future years I have with these great kids with lots and lots more pictures, photo's of every kind, black and white, color, and every other kind also: computer-generated, sketches, water-colors, Chuck-E-Cheese portraits and especially crayon-originals.

*Thanks...sure glad I don't have to pay counseling fees for my posts here...

Annah

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2006
Wed, 07-26-2006 - 1:02am

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Your ex sounds awful. I'm holding out hope that you eventually more pictures.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Wed, 07-26-2006 - 7:08am

Oh Annah that just breaks my heart, please do not beat yourself up over falling apart. You are a great mom who loves her kids, of course you want their baby pictures.

The time and effort that man spends in trying to hurt others is amazing. I am surprised he has time to even go to work. Maybe the kids will put some pressure on him since you were so upset. That probably won't help but I hope it makes him feel like crap.

He is probably just doing this to try and inflict even more pain because you stomped his worthless a$$ in court. He is a bully that got knocked down a peg and is licking his wounds.

Has he responded at all about your move or the change in visitation? Keep your head up, you are stronger and braver than you realize.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2005
Wed, 07-26-2006 - 4:55pm

Steph and all,

Thanks -- it always helps to get a little perspective and vent...you guys and gals are great. I met with the social worker today and that went well. We will continue with the help with food stamps and I am going for an extended hours position which would make my job closer to 3/4th time instead of a half-day; that will help a lot. Hope I can get it.

What we send out comes back to us. I must remember that, and let the other stuff go, even 'stuff' he may continue to do or try to do in the future --- otherwise I would be playing his weird and dysfunctional control game huh. The whole world is ahead of us. I just need to concentrate on tucking the good memories in a place to pull out now and again, and to delete the scuzzy stuff from the memory banks I think.

A still third part to the setting of the CS and Spousal Spt is scheduled again...I am hoping the judge has enough information after the next day to make a determination and set the amounts and details so the final judgement can be completed by the court.

Stony patience has become part of my personna; glad I have such great kids to soften it with love. Thanks so much...I really appreciate this community for the information shared and the encouragement.

Annah