I am so mad
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I am so mad
| Wed, 12-06-2006 - 5:18pm |
I am so ticked off today...I have got to get over my husband - and just go on with my life - honestly - I can't take much more...even though I CLAIM that I'm not going to call that pre-paid phone of his - I keep doing it...and nobody ever answers it. Anyway this morning on the way to work about 7:15 a.m. - I called and he answered. I said hey, he said hey, I said where are you - he said Mississippi - I said now you remember that you don't have a license to drive in the state of Louisiana don't you? He mumbled something. I told him that I had a certified letter for him and another important letter...he kept asking what it was...I told him that they were going to suspend his license - he wanted to know when - I didn't tell him - I told him I had a certified letter about his stuff that was in his re-po'd truck - he wanted to know what it said - I told him to call me later - he knows the number to work - I said she is with you isn't she - he never would answer me - and finally I said "why don't you stop at a truck stop and when she goes in - just leave" she isn't from Georgia anyway --- so anywhere would be closer to her home... I told him that he had two children that he hadn't seen nor talked to and that he needed to ditch that woman and come home to his kids. He said yeah....I know she was sitting there. It just makes me so mad to think that he had all day to call me and never once did - he could care less what any of the letters say he has always been that way. I got the number where he works - it is here in town and I started to call and see if they would get him a message - but then I said to h#@# with it. I have got to quit worrying about HIS problems - he da@# sure isn't worried about ours. I got so mad at wal-mart a few minutes ago that I picked the phone up and called and blessed him out on that answering machine and if she gets the message more power to her---I said I have told your two children that they aren't getting anything for Christmas thanks to him..I then told him he had better think that his 17 year old daughter would be 22 in 5 years and that she may just decide to move in with a married 45 year old truck driver. I'm sure that will tick her off - but I don't care...she is RUINING MY LIFE. We had enough problems without her. Then to top all of this off - I was talking to a man a few minutes ago....I had stopped to get my mail - and he said "Tony better get on home before someone else starts taking care of his "homework"" - he didn't have to say anything else I knew what he meant. So before I signed on to this website I sent an e-mail to my husband telling him what someone else just said. I bet the idea of me being with someone else will get to him....I guess if she lets him see the phone with the e-mail on it. I'm afraid I"m going to have a nervous breakdown.

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Gal...
This isn't going to be easy to hear, but as much as you love this man and want him to be with you and your children, you can't control him or his actions and by calling him and emailing him all the time you're likely making the situation worse, as far as what he thinks of you... A man who truly loves you would never treat you this way. When I was in the midst of my separation and divorce, someone on this board posted that no man is worth tears and the ONE who is will never make you cry. That is true on so many levels.
I'm glad to hear that you deleted and blocked the numbers--At this point, I would set up some guidelines--things you will talk to him about--when I was going through my separation, my list was 1) the divorce, 2) joint financial matters, 3) our son and 4) our dogs (and not necessarily in that order).
By dwelling on what he's doing, he is still controlling the situation. Try as hard as you can to not let you emotions get to you when dealing with him. Make phone conversations that ~must~ occur be as short as possible. If you cannot control your emotions on the phone, switch to email only--and stick to the facts--an email as it can be printed and used by your stbx.
Keep in mind that you cannot control his actions--but you can control your reaction to the situations at hand. I know its hard--I've been there... but you can and will get through it...
*hugs*
Julie
I absolutely agree.
Susan
"Success is building a foundation wit
No, sweetie, you're fine posting here... and I understand, in some respects where you are--my xh didn't outright abandon us, he did pull back and started not coming home for 3 or 4 days at a time and then it got to longer periods...
You're fine posting here... the thing about this process is sometimes you don't want to hear the advice that you're given--mainly because you're not ready to hear it--I know that when my minister, who had married us, told me that my husband didn't really love me because no man who loved me would treat me this way, I fought him on it--defended my scumbag stbx at that point--but he was right, and it just took me a while to be able to see it.
I am glad that you're here, so we can help you, the best we can, online with what you're dealing with... but we can only do so much online, as I'm sure you know... and everyone gets through this process in their own time--I was a wreck from May to September and then a switch flipped and I was sick of it and sick of being so emotionally and physically drained... that's when I contacted my attorney and started getting things done to protect myself and my son. What about your doctor? Have you been to see him yet? I went to see my doctor early in because I was handling it so poorly--they can give you meds that can help you relax, or sleep, or anti-depressants, as the case may be... and the thing is that sometimes the meds can really help you get through this stage...
Good Luck and keep posting here--the other poster did mention another board at iV and you may want to post some there too, just to gain some advice from people who have been there...
Sending wishes for a peaceful day to you...
Julie
Edited to Add: And continue to post about whatever you need to post about--if that includes your feelings, that is fine. We are more removed from the situation and can see it in another light, but I understand the emotional hell you're going through and the roller coaster you're on... I'll post more about that tonight...
Edited 12/7/2006 7:12 am ET by momtojoeybear
Gal_jasper - please DON'T stop posting. I am pulling for you all the way!
I also think that blocking his phone number is a huge step in the right direction. You need to disengage from this drama! He has made his choices, and he's going to have to live with the consequences. That includes the consequences of walking away from his kids (and his mother BTW). You can't save him from the pain and regret he will eventually feel, and you don't owe him unlimited chances to hurt you and the kids. Don't expect anything from him (except what you are due under the law) and don't let him provoke you.
Your kids need a sober and devoted father - he won't be that for them, even if he is there with you. Living with a drug addict won't do them any good (I keep telling myself that every time I feel myself weakening at all).
Quite honestly, I also think you need to stop blaming the 22-year-old. She may be a but she didn't cause your STBX to go astray. He was the one who took vows to you; it was his job to uphold them. He CHOSE to do drugs and go with the instead of staying with you and his kids. It's all on him.
You ARE going to find your peace of mind again. Hang in there!
Rebecca
Please do NOT stop posting! We all need someone to talk to, even if its just the computer. I think you are doing the right thing by blocking his number. I was lucky enough to not have children with my xh, who constantly called me about nothing, just to talk, but when I would call him about something important, the house or whatever, he would get all mad and hang up. We had an abusive relationhip, and then the threats started. The hardest, but best thing I ever did was get a restraining order. NO contact is the best thing you can do. You have to start focusing on you, because if you dont, nobody else will. And it is very hard to do that if you are constantly trying to take care of him.
You dont have to stick to the details and leave your feelings out. It is so important to not leave your feelings building up inside, it will only make it all worse.
Keep your head up, we're here for you!
~Jenn
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