I am so mad

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2004
I am so mad
13
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 5:18pm
I am so ticked off today...I have got to get over my husband - and just go on with my life - honestly - I can't take much more...even though I CLAIM that I'm not going to call that pre-paid phone of his - I keep doing it...and nobody ever answers it. Anyway this morning on the way to work about 7:15 a.m. - I called and he answered. I said hey, he said hey, I said where are you - he said Mississippi - I said now you remember that you don't have a license to drive in the state of Louisiana don't you? He mumbled something. I told him that I had a certified letter for him and another important letter...he kept asking what it was...I told him that they were going to suspend his license - he wanted to know when - I didn't tell him - I told him I had a certified letter about his stuff that was in his re-po'd truck - he wanted to know what it said - I told him to call me later - he knows the number to work - I said she is with you isn't she - he never would answer me - and finally I said "why don't you stop at a truck stop and when she goes in - just leave" she isn't from Georgia anyway --- so anywhere would be closer to her home... I told him that he had two children that he hadn't seen nor talked to and that he needed to ditch that woman and come home to his kids. He said yeah....I know she was sitting there. It just makes me so mad to think that he had all day to call me and never once did - he could care less what any of the letters say he has always been that way. I got the number where he works - it is here in town and I started to call and see if they would get him a message - but then I said to h#@# with it. I have got to quit worrying about HIS problems - he da@# sure isn't worried about ours. I got so mad at wal-mart a few minutes ago that I picked the phone up and called and blessed him out on that answering machine and if she gets the message more power to her---I said I have told your two children that they aren't getting anything for Christmas thanks to him..I then told him he had better think that his 17 year old daughter would be 22 in 5 years and that she may just decide to move in with a married 45 year old truck driver. I'm sure that will tick her off - but I don't care...she is RUINING MY LIFE. We had enough problems without her. Then to top all of this off - I was talking to a man a few minutes ago....I had stopped to get my mail - and he said "Tony better get on home before someone else starts taking care of his "homework"" - he didn't have to say anything else I knew what he meant. So before I signed on to this website I sent an e-mail to my husband telling him what someone else just said. I bet the idea of me being with someone else will get to him....I guess if she lets him see the phone with the e-mail on it. I'm afraid I"m going to have a nervous breakdown.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2004
In reply to: gal_jasper
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 5:20pm
You aren't going to believe this...that wh@@#% I swear just replied to my e-mail about what the man told me and said .... "yeah so, I'm working, I'm busy call me tomorrow or something." I know for 100% that she is the one doing this -- what 45 year old says "yeah so". Oh my God, I don't know why in the @###%^ he doesn't drop her off for some other man to pick up - what can she have that she is holding over him - and I don't think it is sex - it's like she is controlling his every move

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2004
In reply to: gal_jasper
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 9:08pm
I just did it - I deleted the telephone number from my cell phone. I went on the computer and blocked any messages from that phone number. Tomorrow when I get to work I'm going to block any e-mails from that cell phone also....so anyway I guess until he decides to call me at work...he just won't know anything that is going on. This is really sad for his mama she is 77 years old and sits home alone....but anyway I thought I would just post this so that ya'll would know that I won't be doing any e-mailing or calling that number anymore. It sure doesn't stop the love that I have for him, nor the tears that I've cried today, it is so hard to remain strong for my children when they really need their daddy in their life and I want him in their life.
Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: gal_jasper
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 10:05pm

Gal...

This isn't going to be easy to hear, but as much as you love this man and want him to be with you and your children, you can't control him or his actions and by calling him and emailing him all the time you're likely making the situation worse, as far as what he thinks of you... A man who truly loves you would never treat you this way. When I was in the midst of my separation and divorce, someone on this board posted that no man is worth tears and the ONE who is will never make you cry. That is true on so many levels.

I'm glad to hear that you deleted and blocked the numbers--At this point, I would set up some guidelines--things you will talk to him about--when I was going through my separation, my list was 1) the divorce, 2) joint financial matters, 3) our son and 4) our dogs (and not necessarily in that order).

By dwelling on what he's doing, he is still controlling the situation. Try as hard as you can to not let you emotions get to you when dealing with him. Make phone conversations that ~must~ occur be as short as possible. If you cannot control your emotions on the phone, switch to email only--and stick to the facts--an email as it can be printed and used by your stbx.

Keep in mind that you cannot control his actions--but you can control your reaction to the situations at hand. I know its hard--I've been there... but you can and will get through it...

*hugs*

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
In reply to: gal_jasper
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 10:24pm

I absolutely agree.

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2004
In reply to: gal_jasper
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 6:14am
I know that both of your are right - but it is so much easier said that done. We really can't communicate by e-mail because he only has the pre-paid cell as I had his cell cut off in September. I'm not sure that he actually knows we are getting divorced. I do know for a fact that he doesn't know when - the courthouse has told me this. He made no communication whatsoever with them when he had the chance too. As far as the children, there would be no way to let him know anything now - his mother has told me that if she dies for me not to try and find him under any circumstance (I'm sure she doesn't really mean that though - she is just hurt). And if one of our children was injured very bad or something happened - I wouldn't try to get in touch with him either. And yes I guess it does bother me about his license - because without a license he has no job and without a job - "IF" and that is a big "IF" the judge decides to order child support - you can't get support if he isn't working. Would it be better if I found another board to post on? If ya'll think that I shouldn't be posting on the Surviving divorce board please let me know. There is just nobody else to talk to. I have no money to see a counselor - there are no free ones in our area - and I called my preacher 4 weeks ago - and he said he really needed to talk to my husband...never offered anyone else for me to talk too. So I found this board. Maybe I shouldn't be posting - I don't know - maybe these are the kinds of things that I should just keep inside of me - I don't know - I guess that is why some people end up in mental hospitals is because they don't have anyone to talk to - I'll try not to post any more of my feelings and just post details. I can already tell just by getting up and getting on the computer that this is going to be a very very long day.
Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: gal_jasper
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 7:09am

No, sweetie, you're fine posting here... and I understand, in some respects where you are--my xh didn't outright abandon us, he did pull back and started not coming home for 3 or 4 days at a time and then it got to longer periods...

You're fine posting here... the thing about this process is sometimes you don't want to hear the advice that you're given--mainly because you're not ready to hear it--I know that when my minister, who had married us, told me that my husband didn't really love me because no man who loved me would treat me this way, I fought him on it--defended my scumbag stbx at that point--but he was right, and it just took me a while to be able to see it.

I am glad that you're here, so we can help you, the best we can, online with what you're dealing with... but we can only do so much online, as I'm sure you know... and everyone gets through this process in their own time--I was a wreck from May to September and then a switch flipped and I was sick of it and sick of being so emotionally and physically drained... that's when I contacted my attorney and started getting things done to protect myself and my son. What about your doctor? Have you been to see him yet? I went to see my doctor early in because I was handling it so poorly--they can give you meds that can help you relax, or sleep, or anti-depressants, as the case may be... and the thing is that sometimes the meds can really help you get through this stage...

Good Luck and keep posting here--the other poster did mention another board at iV and you may want to post some there too, just to gain some advice from people who have been there...

Sending wishes for a peaceful day to you...

Julie

Edited to Add: And continue to post about whatever you need to post about--if that includes your feelings, that is fine. We are more removed from the situation and can see it in another light, but I understand the emotional hell you're going through and the roller coaster you're on... I'll post more about that tonight...




Edited 12/7/2006 7:12 am ET by momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
In reply to: gal_jasper
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 9:44am

Gal_jasper - please DON'T stop posting. I am pulling for you all the way!

I also think that blocking his phone number is a huge step in the right direction. You need to disengage from this drama! He has made his choices, and he's going to have to live with the consequences. That includes the consequences of walking away from his kids (and his mother BTW). You can't save him from the pain and regret he will eventually feel, and you don't owe him unlimited chances to hurt you and the kids. Don't expect anything from him (except what you are due under the law) and don't let him provoke you.

Your kids need a sober and devoted father - he won't be that for them, even if he is there with you. Living with a drug addict won't do them any good (I keep telling myself that every time I feel myself weakening at all).

Quite honestly, I also think you need to stop blaming the 22-year-old. She may be a but she didn't cause your STBX to go astray. He was the one who took vows to you; it was his job to uphold them. He CHOSE to do drugs and go with the instead of staying with you and his kids. It's all on him.

You ARE going to find your peace of mind again. Hang in there!
Rebecca

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2004
In reply to: gal_jasper
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 4:11pm
Thank you for your nice words...yes I have been to the doctor - I immediately went to my ob/gyn and was tested for every STD/HIV - everything else...and you know it's strange that I did this because this has probably been going on all these years - but I guess when the trucker told me that she was a hooker off the streets of Arizona - it must have scared me way more than I have been scared before...don't know why - because I'm sure that all the women they meet in these truck stops are all alike whether they are "technically hookers or not". But anyway - something just told me to go be tested - they got the results back in one day - now can you believe that. Everything was fine. I then went to my regular doctor the same week and had all kinds of blood tests run for everything else - they did an MRI and MRA - since I have had a brain hemmorhage - I have to have these done every once in a while - and since my deductible and out of pocket were met because of the skin cancer I had a few months ago - they went ahead and did that also. I take wellbutrin every day and have for a long time.... I also have tranxene for PMS. So I'm taken care of in the medicine area. I just had to take both of my kids to the doctor - 1st time ever taking both of them...my daughter has lost 27 pounds since the last time she was there - last year... my son has grown 4 1/2 inches and gained about 20 pounds. It's just amazing....Everyone tells me that I look like I've lost so much weight - I don't know - because I don't weigh - when I went to the doctor I weighed more than I ever have (I'm small to start off with). I don't eat much - but I've never ate much - food just isn't my thing and never has been. Yeah - I guess that I will make it - like I said I have been very disappointed with my church and not receiving any kind of moral or spiritual support from them....but anyway I guess that doesn't matter either ...I'm beginning to see that nothing really matters.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2006
In reply to: gal_jasper
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 5:02pm

Please do NOT stop posting! We all need someone to talk to, even if its just the computer. I think you are doing the right thing by blocking his number. I was lucky enough to not have children with my xh, who constantly called me about nothing, just to talk, but when I would call him about something important, the house or whatever, he would get all mad and hang up. We had an abusive relationhip, and then the threats started. The hardest, but best thing I ever did was get a restraining order. NO contact is the best thing you can do. You have to start focusing on you, because if you dont, nobody else will. And it is very hard to do that if you are constantly trying to take care of him.

You dont have to stick to the details and leave your feelings out. It is so important to not leave your feelings building up inside, it will only make it all worse.

Keep your head up, we're here for you!

~Jenn

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
In reply to: gal_jasper
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 5:49pm
Hey galjasper- It's me Robin. Ya know what? The girl that was with Kenny did the same s%$#@ to me with answering his phone and text messages. Kenny wouldn't ever admit to me that she was with him either. Same darn thing going on. I don't think that Kenny was into the relationship for the sex either and do you know that he could never tell me why he was so attached to his 20 yr old? I told him one time that he should make a sign for her that read "will ride for food and tampons" and find the next truck stop parking lot and let her out for some other sucker to get a hold of. He laughed and said that was an idea on getting rid of her. He only liked her half the time and the other half he was bad mouthing her. I don't get it.....................Now yesterday we have an arguement and of course she is brought up, and he has the gonads to defend her. Supposedly she's not on the truck with now and he's telling me that he's going to alone. Whatever!!!!!! I have been lied to so much that I don't believe his crap anymore. You will get there too. She's not going to go away thought unless your husband makes it happen. He's a free meal ticket and she has no where else to plant her little ass. He is just as stupid as my ex is. I swear they are the same man.

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